24 Ways to Prepare Your Young Girl to Become a Lovely Woman

24 ways to Prepare Your Young Girl to Become a Lovely Woman

You wouldn’t guess just by looking at her.

That she’s not so much a young girl, but a more of a woman every day.

And that now it’s as though there’s only a small window of time to teach her the many lessons she should learn.

This fleeting, but oh-so-wonderful chance to share wisdom to a girl who’s growing up right before you.

Because you and I both know it takes a lot to be a woman.

And even more to be a lovely one.

You understand – it’s not so much her appearance – but what goes on in her heart and in her mind.

Things of truth and beauty.

Of courage and kindness.

Of strength and sweetness.


So how do you prepare her for that?

24 Ways to Prepare Your Young Girl

  1. Be gentle in words and actions. Let your beauty come from a gentle and quiet spirit (I Pet. 3:4).
  2. Determine to be strong. As a woman, you’ll face many situations where you’ll need to be steady and of a sound mind. Strength and honor are her clothing (Prov. 31:25).
  3. Live purely. There’s goodness and power in purity.
  4. Choose joy. You will bless everyone around you with your joyful countenance. Besides, it’s a lovely way to live.
  5. Seek wisdom. And as wisdom comes from above, look up (James 3).
  6. Laugh freely. It will lighten your spirit and everyone else around you too.
  7. Care for your health. Be sure and eat good foods, exercise, and get enough rest. If you care for yourself, then you’ll be better able to care for others too.
  8. Speak sweetly. People will be able – and more open – to listen to you if you do.
  9. Be willing to work hard. Learn to enjoy your tasks and take on what must be tackled (Prov. 31:13).
  10. Sing loudly. A song can both change a mood and give glory to God. So make a loud noise! (Ps. 98:4).
  11. Study many different things. Decide you’re going to be a life-long student. Learn about gardening, ancient history, bread-baking, new languages, natural medicine, geography, or anything else that fascinates you.
  12. Look after those in need. Have compassion on others and use your gifts to bless them.
  13. Bring beauty into your life. And into the life of others. Whether it be flowers, art, poetry, handwork, or bright colors.
  14. Walk through trials in faith.  Don’t walk in your own strength, but trust Him who will carry you through.
  15. Dress with modesty. Truly lovely. I Tim. 2:9
  16. Invest in a few good friends. Make time for and pursue relationships with those who can encourage you, inspire you and challenge you.
  17. Prepare delicious foods. Bless those around you with your simple culinary gifts.
  18. Spend time alone in the Word. Don’t ever get too busy for time with your God.
  19. Be kind to others. Kindness isn’t all that hard to offer and yet has such a significant impact on those around you. And on her tongue is the law of kindness (Prov. 31:26b).
  20. Serve cheerfully. Look to Christ as your example, not what the world says about service. Nothing begrudging or stingy there (Phil. 2).
  21. Pray about all things. Don’t try to solve everything by yourself, but go to your Heavenly Father with your joys, cares and concerns (Eph. 6:18).
  22. Watch what you say. Your words have power to build up or tear down. So use them carefully.
  23. Love others deeply.  I Corinthians 13.
  24. Draw near to God.  And He will draw near to you. (James 4:8)

Yes, it takes a lot to be a woman. And even more to be a lovely one. But it’s so what I want for her.

It’s what I want for me too.

Lovely living. 

In His grace,

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**Also, 24 Ways to Prepare Your Young Man to be a Gentleman
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Owner at Club 31 Women

Lisa is the happily-ever-after wife of Matthew Jacobson and together they enjoy raising and home-educating their 8 children in the beautiful Pacific Northwest. She’s also rather fond of dark chocolate, French press coffee, and deep friendships (though not necessarily in that order). She encourages women to embrace the rich life of loving relationships and the high calling of being a wife and mother. Lisa is the author of 100 Ways to Love Your Husband and her husband is the author of 100 Ways to Love Your Wife. They are also the authors of several children’s books, including a winner of the C.S. Lewis Silver Medal for Children’s Literature.



The Happily-Ever-After wife of Matthew. Mom to 8 children. Sharing my passion for husband, home, and family at Club31Women. 100 Ways to Love Your Husband.

“Marriage is a gift of love you give to your spouse everyday, with a never-ending promise that you’ll walk side-by-side.” -Darlene Schacht – 6 months ago

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  • for Shai

    Some good stuff in here for my niece…


  • tina


  • http://embracingrace.com Leah

    Some great thoughts- convicting! :) My little girl is 4, but I already think often about how to help her be a Godly young lady.

  • Anonymous

    Pure sexism. Young women need to be strong, confident and free to be as vocal, in control and aggressive as any male. To tell a young woman to be “gentle in words and actions” and “learn to cook” before being intelligent, confident and self-sufficient is adding to the inequality that we still fight everyday.

  • http://timewarpwife.com Darlene (Time-Warp Wife)

    I wish I had this kind of direction when I was a young girl. I love this.

  • http://club31women.com/ Lisa

    Thank you for taking the time to write your comment. I’m so glad you said something, even though I have to admit I was somewhat surprised that you described it as “pure sexism”? As you probably noticed, I’ve drawn much of what I’ve gathered here from the Bible – my main source for both wisdom and strength.

    It wasn’t quite clear to me why you’d regard “gentleness” as a negative trait. If you saw me gently stroking my child’s head, or gently speaking to my husband whom I dearly love…would this be such a bad thing? Does this somehow indicate weakness? Or (hopefully) more indicative of an inner strength that comes from God above.

    I do agree with you that we should encourage our young ladies to be strong, which is why it’s listed in the very next point: “Determine to be strong.” Our desire is to raise daughters who are both strong and confident (and I think you’d find them so) – yet kind and thoughtful of others as well.

    The other point that you seemed to have found offensive is “learning to cook”, but there’s nothing unintelligent about cooking. There are many brilliant people out there who love to cook. We encourage our daughters to learn many skills and to excel at their academics, so that they will be roundly equipped to be all God has made them to be.

    And I hope the same for you.

    May you know the depth of His love,
    Lisa Jacobson

  • Anonymous

    Just found your site this morning. Beautiful advise. I teach Bible once a week in a womens prison. One of the most common quality missing in their lives is gentleness. Gentleness is a fruit of the Spirit and must be cultivated.
    Some of my favorite scriptures regarding gentleness are: Philippians 4:4-7; Galatians 5:22-26; 1 Peter 3:13-16;
    Thank you so much and I look forward to learning more from you.

  • Bizzymomof4

    This is fantastic! I don’t believe it is sexism at all and is truly the way things should be. I’m a woman with many degrees raising four small children. Education and careers are great but don’t even compare to the fulfillment of serving The Lord and doing His work. Many of the problems of this culture would be solved if we would stop the focus on being equal and accept that in our true nature we are meant to raise up and compliment each other.

  • http://club31women.com/ Lisa

    Yes, I’d have to agree with you here. I have a similar experience as yours and – after years of studying and traveling – found that my greatest fulfillment has been embracing what the Lord says He has for me, instead of what the world describes as “successful”. Amen!

  • http://www.mysunkissedfarm.wordpress.com Rachel

    Wow … this is great! Tomorrow I’m turning 16, and I’m *so* glad I stumbled on this post! Great things for me to remember as I grow more and more in the Lord, and some of those thing affect other people around you as well 😀 Again, such a wonderful post; thank you for sharing!! ::grin::

    Blessings in Him,



  • http://club31women.com/ Lisa

    I’m so glad you liked it, Rachel!

    And what a beautiful blog you have as well (yes, I peeked! :)

    Blessings on you as you continue to grow lovely in Him.

    In His grace,
    Lisa Jacobson

  • http://www.womenabiding.com Tehila

    What a wonderful post to go by in keeping our daughters on the right path of Godliness and as a go-to for moms like me to refer to as a checklist of what we still need to instil in our sweet treasures… this is a keeper :-)

    Love and blessings

  • http://mostlysensible.com/ Rebekah Schrepfer

    Thank you so much! My girls are 2, 3, and 4. I’m excited to see what the Lord will make of each of their different personalities. Love this list…I will need to post it somewhere for them to see often as they grow.

    And thank you for your comments about “sexism”. You are right! The world has that so mixed up and it’s left us with women who are brash and unkind and who neglect their families.

  • Susan

    The only thing I’d add is these are things we need to be teaching our SONS and daughters. As a mother of 4 boys and 4 girls, I want my sons to be strong, gentle, have a servant’s heart, know how to cook, as well as all of the other qualities you mention. These are godly qualities that we all need to develop!

  • http://club31women.com/ Lisa

    Good suggestion, Susan. You’re right, I should put together a similar list for our young men.

  • http://mississippimamaof7.blogspot.com DonnaJ

    Beautiful post! I saw this on pinterest and followed the link. And I wholeheartedly agree with the post and most of the comments. I would love to share this on my blog ~ with permission. Its hard to say (print) the truth of Gods word in the midst of many who would wipe femininity off of our generation. Its sad that the above comment about “this is the inequality we are fighting against” also applies to the other side of the coin. We really shouldn’t have to fight to raise our daughters to be feminine ~ but we do because of the present society. Thank you for the encouragement to follow the Lord and His mandates on our lives. Its quite an exciting, challenging, rewarding, joyful journey!

  • http://club31women.com/ Lisa

    I’m so glad you enjoyed it, Donna, and appreciate you pointing out the “fight” to raise feminine daughters – a counter-culture perspective, to be sure. Also, you’re welcome to share it on your blog (just be sure and include the source and link?). Thank you!

  • http://mississippimamaof7.blogspot.com DonnaJ

    Thanks Lisa! I just did and linked back to you. Thanks for letting me share it! You have a beautiful family!

  • Toni

    Agree wholeheartedly how every item applies to our sons as well! Especially nowadays our (grown) sons need to be with their children if mom is at a job, having these qualities improves the relationship with ,not only their own family but with their in-laws.

  • http://www.hopechestprinciple.com Miss H. @ The Hope Chest

    Good points!
    “Because you and I both know it takes a lot to be a woman. ” So true. :-)

  • Ruth Aviles

    My mom always led by example. At times i would come home from school and hear her singing to God (with tears of happiness in her eyes) while cleaning or cooking. She was the strongest, most intelligent, charming, caring, outspoken, giving, God loving woman i have ever known. In short, SHE WAS LOVELY and the ultimate lady. She showed us that it was ok and necessary for a young woman to be intelligent, vulnerable, loving, strong, independent and most of all to love God with everything you have. I didn’t get it back then but now that I’m a mom, i totally understand and i have to say, I’m a bit jealous of relationship she has with God. I strive every day to make God number one in my life and sing to him with all of my heart.

  • Melanie

    “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” (I Corinthians 11:3)

    “For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.” (I Corinthians 11:8-9)

  • http://www.jenifermetzger.org Jenifer

    Lisa, LOVE this! My daughters are growing up so fast and I want them to be lovely women of God.

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  • Anonymous

    I think the points with the biblical references are actually the least sexist! They refer to women being quietly strong and wise. However, some of the other points such as ‘learn how to cook’, ‘have a good cry’ and ‘bring flowers, art, poetry or handwork into your life’, while positive traits in themselves, are still very sexist and offensive to be honest. These traits do not make someone a better woman! As someone above has said, the woman might be the main earner in the household, meaning that the husband has to cook for the family. It is not ‘better’ if the woman cooks!

  • http://club31women.com/ Lisa

    I’ve been thinking a about what you said here and I truly appreciate your honesty. What seems to be inferred by what I’ve written is that this would ONLY apply to the woman. But that is not what I actually said? For instance, even a man can occasionally have a “good cry”. I know because I’ve seen it. And the same would go for bringing beauty into your home and life. At least my husband has an appreciation for beauty? His outlet of it might be slightly different than mine (e.g. architecture, a piece of land, etc.), but beauty is no means confined to womanhood. Nor is it confined to handwork. I was merely offering some examples.

    As for cooking…I personally think it’s a good skill for a person to learn. Some cooks might be better than others (my own husband happens to be an excellent chef), but I’ve never been sorry that I learned the basics – and over time, more than the basics – of cooking. In hindsight, I’m a bit sorry that I didn’t learn more of this when I was younger.

    I hope with this explanation, you’ll find these suggestions somewhat less offensive? And thanks again for commenting.
    Blessings, Lisa

  • http://google linda derry

    i loved what you wrote it is so true

  • Savannah

    I am fourteen, and I love this! I have copied some of it down so I can use it when i am a mother in the years to come. Thank you so much!

  • http://club31women.com/ Lisa

    Thank you, Savannah, so glad to hear it!

  • Britney

    I love this! I feel like this list describes the women I have looked to as role models in my own life. I find it sad that gentleness and a sweet spirit or having a servants heart is looked at as a weakness in our society. The Proverbs 31 woman is described as strong, honorable, wise and kind, and in the same chapter it describes all the ways she serves her family! I’m far from that Proverbs 31 standard but it is quite a goal!

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  • Dani

    I stumbled upon your beautifully written list via pinterest. I think its very well written and even though for you it might be aimed at your daugter I do agree with a previous comment where many/all of this is applicable for any person! Id also like to make a quick response on the comment about this list being “sexist”- firstly it saddens me to think that we live in a society where aggression and control are seen as being more important than being being gentle and treating others with kindness! I also feel that it comes from the utmost form of intelligence, strength, confidence and freedom to know how to treat and speak to people, and get people to respect you, without having to use loud words or aggression or control. I would also just like to add how silly it is to even make a comment about how learning to cook is in any way sexist! I stand corrected but does everyone not need to eat in order to survive, so therefore should everyone not atleast learn the basics of cooking in order to be self sufficient? I am also very glad my mother and father knew how to cook, in order to feed me and also for teaching me to cook in order to feed myself and in the future my family- whether I was male or female!

    Anyway- I love the list and will definitely have to print it out and keep it close as a reminder!! Thank you and god bless you and your lovely family.

  • Shilo

    I loved this, just want to say though the only thing that struck me is you have a titled the list for boys as “Young Men” and then you refer to “Young girls”, it may be pedantic of me but I do see my neighbours daughters as “Young Ladies” and I think that term gives them a right to be seen in the potential we bestow upon them :) As you say in #22 “Your words have power to build up…” we should do that from the very beginning; which is why I refer to my 4 and 2yo boys as “Mighty Men of God”.

  • http://club31women.com/ Lisa

    Oh yes, I often call my “girls” my ladies, Shilo, so that’s a good point. :) And I sure agree about that power to build up!

  • Anonymous

    Can someone please make a printable of this one as you did for the boys? I just printed it for their room and would love to do the same for my daughter.

  • http://club31women.com/ Lisa

    Yes, I’m hoping to do something similar with the girls. It should be ready early next week, so be watching for it! :)

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  • Kay prone

    We need more for our sons and those who are raising them. So much is burdened on the females of the world while the males are catered to.

    Mothers let your sons grow up to be strong, patient and kind to the women around them. Let them, teach them to be providers and mentors to the children they create.

  • http://club31women.com/ Lisa

    I hear what you’re saying here, Kate, and agree. I recently wrote a post on raising your young men to be gentleman with those very things in mind. http://club31women.com/2013/04/24-ways-to-prepare-your-young-man-to-become-a-gentleman/

  • Nina Robbs

    I like it. I’ll try it out today. I’m 8. I read this together with my mom, and pointed out the many things I already do.

  • http://club31women.com/ Lisa

    So glad to hear it, Nina! Blessings on you and your mom while you grow together.

  • Deborah

    I love this information, I have been teaching my granddaughters about being young ladies. I’m going to print this to put in their room! Thank you Lisa for sharing!

  • Jessica

    As a mom of 6 girls (no boys!), I thoroughly agree with every statement made! Sexist? Sad. Our women have been decieved by this culture that cooking, sewing, gardening & just simply being a mom are regarded as menial and less important. I proudly, boldly & confidentally would love to shout from the roof top that I am a woman who choses to submit to my husband, stay home with the kiddos, bake, cook healthy meals, does the laundry & much more! Never has my husband or my girls ever viewed my responsibility as trivial or demeaning but just as important as their daddy’s. We all play a role in this life of family. And I chose the Biblical role & OH, the joy & contentment it brings!!!! You will submit yourself to someone. Be it in the work place or wherever. None are above answering to someone. Or the culture who pushes you to be strong, don’t let anyone tell you what to do. Yes, many have chisen to submit to the culture. Anyways, It’s great that you are teaching your girls these pricipals now. The greater their chance for a “successful” life. But I guess all have a different view of success.

  • Jenny C.

    Some of the things on this list are great, but some are sexist!!! There are times to be gentle, but also times to be assertive, which I think you cover in #2 regarding being strong. But “learn to cook”? Where is that in the Bible? Some people are given the gift of being great in the kitchen, but some are not (men and women!). I also have to take exception to your definition of “beauty.” Art, flowers, and poetry are not the only ways to bring beauty into my life. I can also build something or remodel an area of my home. Please try not to so narrowly define these elements for young women.

  • http://club31women.com/ Lisa

    I truly appreciate your questions and challenge, Jenny. I think you’re right – that there is a time for a woman to be “strong” as well.

    As for the “learning to cook”? I’m not sure that it’s found in the Bible, but I mentioned that one for mainly practical reasons. When you don’t know how to cook, it so limits your eating options (often to dining out or prepared meals). I find it a very handy skill and teach both our sons and daughters the basics in the kitchen. I’ve had so many women tell me that they wished they’d been better equipped in this area when they were younger.

    As for bringing beauty into your life, the areas listed were intended more to be examples than a strict definition. I agree that there are many, many different ways to enjoy beauty. And I’d certainly include “remodeling” on my personal list as that’s more in my gifting than either poetry or art.

    I hope that helps clarify a bit?

    Blessings on you,

  • http://parenting-today.com/ Parenting Today

    Excellent list. I don’t find anything sexist about being a lovely woman who cares about herself and others. You can live your life as a race or you can take the time to enjoy the world around you and show your love and appreciation for friends, family, and God. I also really like #11 – learn many different things and prepare to be a life-long student.

  • Claudia

    Lovely thank you for sharing

  • http://majesticgoldenrose.tripod.com kate

    I had to double check this list- did I read this wrong?
    I guess not. I need to show this to my mom.
    She doesn’t fit the requirements on even one point.
    It scares me. How will I turn out?

  • http://club31women.com/ Lisa

    You will “turn out” just wonderfully, Kate! If you are in Christ, then you are a new creation – and it doesn’t depend on your mom. Just love and honor her, pray for her, and seek to be the woman God has called you to be.

  • Amanda

    Thank you for this! I have a daughter who is almost 6, and I have taught all of these things since the day she was born in some way. I have to say, that some unfortunately have the wrong idea of what true strength of character is. My daughter is like me, fiercely independent, assertive when necessary, and thereis no one who walks over us, yet we strive to conduct ourselves in a way that is kind, gentle and beyond reproach. It is Christ in your character that makes a perfectly satisfying balance of gentleness and Godly fierceness. Let others think what they may, their version of success is self-based. When you measure your success as a person by God’s ruler, you will never lack any good and perfect gift in your character!

  • Laura

    Thanks for this beautiful post! Found it on Pinterest and I hope I remember to look back on it many times as my daughter grows up…in fact, I need to print it! My daughter just turned 1 and I pray everyday that The Lord will mold me into a woman after His heart, and that He would grant me the wisdom to teach my daughter the same.

    As for the sexist comments….I find it funny (in a sad way) that our culture is so out of whack that to suggest that a woman learn how to cook is sexist and offensive! You have answered in such a gracious way to these accusations. What if you had said the opposite? Cooking requires math calculations that might be difficult for you, so you should just rely on your husband to cook for you every night. Ha! That would never fly!

    This is a very thoughtful post and I’m glad to see that so many young girls have read it! Thanks again!

  • Sherri

    I am so grateful for your post. I will be a new grandma of both a boy and a girl, our son and daughter-in-law, a boy and our daughter and son-in-law, a girl. I plan to print both of these out and will stand strong in instilling each of these qualities in my grandbabies. My daughter is a stong woman, who is assertive, yet kind and gentle and has these qualities and both I’d our sons are the “boys will be boys” that you speak about, though they are both gentle as well, and all three can cook and do laundry and like flowers! Bless you and your family.

  • http://club31women.com/ Lisa

    Thank you, Sherri! It sounds like you have a delightful family. Many blessings on these next generations of boys and girls!

  • Anonymous

    This is a great list! I have been working on these very things with my kids ! As a mom of 4 ranging from 14years – 19 month twins, 3 being girls! Its so important to teach them… Our saying is kind words and gentle tones! I come from a big family. I am a very loving , Loud singing mommy myself. Every point on this list no mater what number is so important! The hardest thing we are teaching at this time is not just the modesty and respecting self but why it is also a respect for the boys to dress modestly. I was the tom boy growing up in dresses ! But I had the respect of every boy! And I was gentle and strong. I stood up for what I believed and did not waver. I stood out was not popular but was not unhappy. I was just myself. Thank you for what you are doing. May God Bless You and Your Family!

  • http://club31women.com/ Lisa

    I loved hearing your description of yourself and your growing up! And how wonderful to be a Loud, Singing Mommy! Those are some of the very best. God bless you and your family too. <3

  • Amber

    What a wonderful Biblical reference to have. I am the only mother to a 7yo stepdaughter and a 3yo son. These qualities of “loveliness” would help me so much in my daily journey in raising my children, though I will say I struggle with it greatly. I have only recently “rededicated” myself to the Lord, if you might say that, and I can already see so many areas where I have fallen behind in raising my children to be the Godly and gentle people I wish to grow into. At the same time, though, in the last few months I have been praying for wisdom in guiding their lives and humility to be an example for them, I have seen so many changes that only God could be responsible for.

    Thank you for these verses and insights. I speak not only as someone raising a daughter who has already been failed by a mother figure once, but also as a new woman in Christ myself.

  • http://club31women.com/ Lisa

    Thank you for your lovely testimony, Amber. I am a strong believe in a God who redeems and restores! May Many blessings on you and all your children.

  • Lola

    I appreciate the calm, respectful, flexible, and diplomatic way you have responded to those who object to aspects of your list. Having said that, isn’t it clear why your list strikes some as sexist, in that it lists expectations for girls that are in line with centuries of thinking that limited girls’ options? Most of the things on your list fit with traditional definitions of femininity. I am a feminist who has no problem at all with femininity, as long as it is not seen as the only option for a “young lady.” (I’d call them young women, since boys are referred tomas young men.). If I had a daughter who was bold, brave, active, and adventurous, and wasn’t interested in sewing or cooking, I’d be happy that she lives in 2013, when girls have many options for a fulfilling life.

    Perhaps you could rewrite the list, to make it clear that it is for both sexes? I am the mother of two sons, and I want them to be gentle, kind, healthy, and know how to cook. Would you be willing to list all the things on your list for boys, or are there some that you think are for girls only?

    I’m a little uncomfortable with the ‘live purely’ one, because it sounds like you are telling girls they have to hang on to their virginity. Most people fixated on girls’ purity act like they think boys shouldn’t be held to the same standard, and focus on blaming the girls who have sex, instead of blaming the boys who might have pressured girls into it. If you have the exact same rules for boys that you have for girls, then you wouldn’t be like those hypocrites.

    As for being a feminist, it’s not a big scary deal. A feminist is simply this: a person who believes that women should be accorded the same rights, respect, and opportunities as men. If you think women deserve less respect, then yes, you wouldn’t be a feminist. If you think women shouldn’t have the same opportunities as men, then you are not a feminist. And if you think men should have legal rights that are barred from women, again, not a feminist. But do you really think those things? You could, without knowing it, be a feminist.

    Just so you know, there are tons of women like me, who are: confident, happy, college-educated, church-going, married mothers. I work part-time (and can go full time to support my family if something happens to my husband), I stand up for myself, I respect stay at home mothers, and I volunteer in my community. Which is just to say that feminists aren’t scary people. :-)

  • http://club31women.com/ Lisa

    Thank you so much, Lola, for your thoughtful and challenging comments here.

    After thinking it through, I wouldn’t want to rewrite it for both sexes because I truly had our daughters in mind – not our sons – when I wrote it. But you’re right, of course, most of the qualities listed here would go for our sons too: kind, strong, good learners, hard-working, etc. There were only a few that I didn’t see as necessarily suitable to all, such as “bringing beauty in” (I see that as a more feminine trait?) and “speaking sweetly” (kindly, yes, but “sweetly”?). Now with that being said, I happen to be married to a man who has a deep appreciation for beauty and wouldn’t hesitate to bring flowers into the house or bring home a lovely piece of art. So I’d never ban men from beauty either. :)

    Yes, I do tell our girls to “hang onto their virginity” because that’s what the Bible says. And, yes, our boys should absolutely be held to the same standard. They are equally responsible for purity. Maybe even more so.

    While I see that labels can sometimes be handy in discussion, I also view them as having a potential drawback. For one, people often have different definitions for the same word. Secondly, and even more concerning, they can have an emotional reaction to certain vocabulary choices (such as “feminist” and “sexist”). As much as possible, I try to base my views on what I read in the Bible – whether that makes me sound old-fashioned or not. And I believe the Bible is the source for Truth, whatever century we happen to be living in.

    I do hear what you’re saying by feminists not being a “big scary deal”. I would never consider you, and others who share your view, as such. I suppose because I am so highly respected in our home – by my husband and children both – that I’ve never felt the need to “stand up for myself” or assert my rights. But I realize that not everyone has enjoyed that same experience. And I’m sorry for it.

    Thank you again, for sharing your thoughts and your concerns with all of us here. I realize that we might not see everything exactly the same way, but I’m glad for the conversation and sincerely appreciate your willingness to enter in.

    Lisa Jacobson

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  • Anonymous

    I think its just that the world today and making a living for oneself is much more difficult than in times past. And unfortunately also women are very often taken advantage of or end up victims. This is a reflection of the world we face, and although difficult, we need to teach our daughters first to survive and prosper, to do for themselves as we will not always be there. If we do not, we do them a great disservice.

  • Anonymous

    I saw this post on pinterest and thought what they heck, I’ll check out this craziness. I was raised in a very traditional family (although spiritual but not religious). My Mom stayed at home and raised 7 children while my Dad worked hard. After the children were grown, my Mom went and got a college education and a career. I have chosen a completely different path. Although married, I have no children. I have an engineering degree and work mostly with men. I constantly battle in my mind about how many woman’s minds are not used to their full extent because we are locked into stereo types. Actually, in my office most of the men have women that stay at home with their kids. Although I am treated well, I am definitely not part of the “boys” club. I am actually okay with this. I have made the choice not to have children, because I am selfish and have a deep belief that woman can’t do it all. Something has to give. My Mom, without any help from the Lord, instilled in me most of the list above. The only fear I have with these lists is that we teach our girls that there are strict defined roles. No, we can’t all be engineers, and no I don’t think we all have to go out and work; but why lock yourself into a box? If I would ever have a child, I would want them to be the best they can be no matter what that is. Bible verses and stereo types aside (sorry I am a liberal!), I find this list actually very good. This list actually helps young people and adults to build character, something that is lacking in the upcoming generations.

  • http://handicraftkate.tumblr.com/ Kate

    Every woman is a unique person and should never try to be like any one type of woman. Even If that that type of woman is a “lovely” woman. We women should strive to be whoever we are, lovely or not. Don’t force yourself into a mold so that you can have the title of “lovely”. Be who God made you to be. I think that is the loveliest kind of woman any woman could be.

  • http://club31women.com/ Lisa

    Yes, Kate, each one was made to be a unique creation by God. And to live that out is to be lovely, don’t you think?

  • http://club31women.com/ Lisa

    I’m with you – no need to put anyone in a “box”. And, yes, I do hope that this is a helpful list. I believe our young people need our help!

  • Pickee

    Lovely is not a reference to the outside appearance in this case. It is a reference to the inner being. As such, women should strive to be lovely with God’s help.

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  • Gina Campo Hester

    It is

  • Danielle

    This is great! Couldn’t all of these apply to Young Boys as well?

  • Dalin-Olivia Gunnell

    My goodness, many of the women’s comments on here are utterly ridiculous. The author obviously chose to make this list for young ladies–maybe she only has daughters and felt like focusing on them! And even if she doesn’t, who cares if she chose to focus on women! Honestly, you think if she had written it for men any men would be making comments like, “Woodworking? Sports? That’s sexist!” or “Gee, this really should be applied for women, too…” No. I am so embarrassed for those women who do not see that the author was speaking about women in general. And there is no question that cooking should be on here! The author wasn’t suggesting if you don’t develop all these talents you’re a worthless woman, but rather giving some examples of good skills for a lady to develop! You don’t have to be a good cook. But I guarantee you’ll benefit from learning to cook. Some women are so ridiculous. And I am one, so don’t bother trying to tell me otherwise–I’m confident in who I am as a woman and mother.

    Thanks for this EXCELLENT article! I am sorry half the responses you received are so obnoxious even though you clearly handled them with a lot of grace.



  • Dalin-Olivia Gunnell

    Give me a break. If you chose to be offended by someone offering examples of talents a lady COULD and would do well to develop, then you are obviously being over-sensitive. I did not find these ideas the least bit sexist. The author of this article doesn’t have to address every single possible woman’s needs. She just gave a few typical activities a girl might be interested in. Taking offense is a choice and will make you more miserable than you can imagine.

  • Dalin-Olivia Gunnell

    Give me a break. If you chose to be offended by someone offering examples of talents a lady COULD and would do well to develop, then you are obviously being over-sensitive. I did not find these ideas the least bit sexist. The author of this article doesn’t have to address every single possible woman’s needs. She just gave a few typical activities a girl might be interested in. Maybe she was referring to being gentle at appropriate times. It appears that you were reading into every little word just searching for something to be offended by. Taking offense is a choice and will make you more miserable than you can imagine.

  • Dalin-Olivia Gunnell

    I agree that there is nothing wrong with a brave, adventurous woman, and I’m sure the author feels the same, but I believe she was mainly trying to encourage some feminine traits that have been lost and are increasingly looked down upon in modern day. Also, I think it is important that men and women alike live purely. There are so few young people that still do today. I don’t think the author by adding that note was suggesting that is ONLY a woman’s responsibility to be pure, but rather encouraging purity as a worthwhile pursuit for a girl/woman, whatever. If the article had been written for boys, I guarantee she would have said the same thing. Most likely she wrote it for girls because she has daughters or her primary readers are female, or she thinks that young women need more encouragement presently. I don’t think that, just because women should be treated equally with men, that every article has to be appropriate and unspecific to men and women. Just my thoughts.

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  • ruth

    My name is miss rose I am from Mexico, I was I a relationship with john and we loved and cherished ourselves for 3 good years and every thing was going on smoothly but August 12, 2011 a day I can call a lovers day we both had misunderstanding because I answered a call from a guy that is asking me out for a date but I refused, and he told me that the relationship is over and that he is fed up with me and I begged him because I love him so much but he refused me I was so down cast and I felt the world has come to an end for me but my friend told me about a spell caster that helped her sister out in getting her relationship back, a good job and favor in any of her endeavor but at first I was scared but I have to give this man a trial because I love john very much and I am not willing to loose him to any
    woman, so I ordered returning my love spell from this great spell caster that made me a happy woman again to say it all my ex came back to me with much love and a caring heart…i am testifying to this great spell caster DR.OKOSEE spell temple. if you need his help you can contact him on DR.OKOSEE@gmail.com OR 2348069652500

  • Chavi Beck

    I never really appreciated ‘learn to cook’ until a sweet neighbor sent us dinner when I had a new baby. She wasn’t the only one to send food, but the way she did it, the little touches of grace, and the extra work she had put in to make each dish a little bit more special — it really made me feel valued and just a bit pampered. Since that day, I have a greater appreciation for my gift of love when I cook for my family.

  • Chavi Beck

    And yet we are not the same. The virtues that make every person a gift to all aruond them may be the same — but they come out differently in a woman vs a man, and there’s little gained by ignoring that.

  • Mel

    This list is for the women with girls. I have to strongly disagree with “I can promise you the traits described above will not help in the corporate world.” Dress with modesty could most definitely help you. Dressing modesty brings respect, dressing immodestly (even though many women think this benefits them) only brings disrespect. Be willing to work hard, seek wisdom, take care of your health, choose joy, be gentle in words and actions, watch what you say, invest in good friends, walk through trials of faith (I’m sure this one on the list among the others relating to the Bible are what most are truly having the issue with) and even preparing delicious foods (which I am sure MANY have a problem with this one as well) are all traits of a highly respected woman. Not every woman can cook all things well, and it does take practice like most things you exceed in but I’m sure every woman can prepare something that is good. Even if you were having a corporate get together and prepared a delicious meal, side dish, dessert, I have no doubt in my mind that some of the coworkers would praise you for preparing the dish. Yes, there might be some that try to disscourage you simply because they are jealous. This web site, Club 31 Women, is using Proverbs 31 to teach and learn on how to be a Godly woman. So it’s no wonder the values on this list are godly traits outlined in the Bible. I know many people will have a real issue with all these traits simply because she is using the Bible for her words of wisdom, guideline, and trying to encourage other Godly women. Concerning your question, “what if she is a lesbian,” the only reason you are asking this question is to simply stir things up because I am sure you are well aware that the Bible speaks against being a lesbian. As soon as we answer this question, you are going to pounce on us for speaking up for what we belief in and I’m sure the reply will be something along the lines of “pushing our religion on others,” or somehow “we are being unloving by trying to correct our children from immoral values such as being a lesbian.” With that being said, Godly women do not approve of being a lesbian. Why? because it is morally wrong. Yes, I said that even in the widely accepted and pro gay world. Why is it morally wrong? Because my God, our God, said it is. Our morals are defined by our creator, not by our own desires and our own set of standards. So if our daughter becomes a lesbian, we will still love them but we will NOT like their decision to be gay. And before you try to say “they were born that way” studies that show that being gay is not a genetic trait, it is a decision that is usually the outcome from bad childhood experiences. It is a decision and a sin just like any other sin such as lying, cheating, stealing, murdering, gluttony, and the other sins spoken about in the bible. I am sure if our children were to murder or steal from your children you would encourage us to correct our children. In the same sense, if they become gay, it is something we would try to correct as well. You don’t have agree with me or the author of this page. And there is nothing you can say or do to change our minds. I don’t know where you stand with God, if you belief or don’t belief, but there is nothing you can say or do to change my mind about God. I can’t speak for the author, but I am willing to bet she would say something along the same lines. I have seen the change for the good that he has done in my small little family. He has done wonderful things with my family and we have a long ways to go but in the good things he has done, we will praise him and give him the glory.

  • marian

    My name is Marian i am not suppose to be saying this but due to the ultimate role that nogemaspelltemple@gmail.com has played in my relationship with Philip my husband, me and Philip had been married for five year now, we were very happy together as husband and wife, but until he meant a lady called mercy, things automatically turn from good to bad, he no longer eat at home, he always come home late, he don’t even listen to me and does not even take me out as it was some time ago. i was so confuse and frustrated until i meant this lady called Kessiah that once had similar problem, i was force to tell her every of my problem, out of pity she told me about this dr nogema that helped her out, at first i thought it was one of those fraudsters until i met him and he solved my problem without stress, so my husband came back to me and things was as it was before. so i decided to testify to this for the sake of those people that has similar problem, so you can contact him (nogemaspelltemple@gmail.com) or call; (+2348164917868).

  • Daniela

    My name is Daniela i am not suppose to be saying this but due to the ultimate role that nogemaspelltemple@gmail.com has played in my relationship with Philip my husband, me and Philip had been married for five year now, we were very happy together as husband and wife, but until he meant a lady called mercy, things automatically turn from good to bad, he no longer eat at home, he always come home late, he don’t even listen to me and does not even take me out as it was some time ago. i was so confuse and frustrated until i meant this lady called Kessiah that once had similar problem, i was force to tell her every of my problem, out of pity she told me about this dr nogema that helped her out, at first i thought it was one of those fraudsters until i met him and he solved my problem without stress, so my husband came back to me and things was as it was before. so i decided to testify to this for the sake of those people that has similar problem, so you can contact him (nogemaspelltemple@gmail.com) or call; (+2348164917868).

  • Connie Ramirez

    Very sweet reply. Being a lovely woman should not offend anyone. There is a time to speak and a time to listen. Speaking at the wrong time can destroy your end goal, but when speaking in obedience to God’s will your words & courageous obedience moves mountains & brings freedom. Esther was a lovely woman, gentle, kind, & obedient to God’s will, which lead her to make the decision to be strong & courageous at just the right tine to bring freedom to her family. If she had come into the situation as a bold outspoken woman she would not have been chosen to be queen & she would have lost out on the opportunity to be in a position to save her family & history may have been changed in a bad way instead of good for her family. There is a place in each woman’s life to be bold & to speak up, but gentle words will get you much better results. I don’t understand how we have things so backwards in society. I was once the mouthy “outspoken”, gender challenging woman, but it didn’t work for me & I wasn’t joyful. I now enjoy my position as a woman and it seems now I have to teach my girls that it is okay to want to be a stay at home mom when society is screaming that unless you are more like men you are less. Please ladies enjoy being a woman. God gives you your purpose & God places you where he wants you to be & each of our purposes are different. If God gives you a husband & children, enjoy having a good man love & provide for you to enjoy your children while you have them in your home. Enjoy providing for your family. Man or woman, it is a blessed & honored ministry to raise a family. God bless you all as you teach our young men & women to serve God wherever he places them.

  • Virginia Spence

    What a great list to remind me of what to model for my son so that he will have a good example of what to look for in a wife one day. I fall short so often. Thank you for the indirect admonition for wives and mother’s of boys. We all can learn from this. Thank you for godly encouragement.

  • Anthony Simmons

    Absolutely wonderful list that I will be using with my daughter. The focused attention on specific godly character is what I find most helpful. Spending time to consider these Christlike character traits and seeking to help her to pursue them out off a love for Christ is the most valuable gift I could give her. I became a single father (yes we do exist, lol) when we lost her mom at 5 months. I’m so thankful for God using mom’s to share things like this that are Christ centered. I just wanted to encourage you and honor God by telling you that what your doing is pleasing to our Savoir.

  • http://Club31Women.com/ Lisa Jacobson

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss, Anthony, and pray Gods’ blessing on you and your efforts to raise a daughter for the King. And thank you for your kind and encouraging words!

  • Tina

    What a lovely reply, spoken like a true lady. Just another example of how to deal with this harsh, aggressive world. You have set a great example. Thank you.

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  • Noeline TePania

    How do you know they don’t help in the corporate world. They are transportable. Women who have those traits spoken about above are strong. Why>??? Because of people like you, that’s why. Don’t assume because someone is taught to be loving and gracious and generous etc that she isn’t strong. on the contrary they are in many ways . if you look at all the high powered exec’s in the world. You will find that their wives are exactly like the girls she speaks of. her korero (her blog) and more than that she isn’t referring to Lesbians so i have no idea what you are talking about. However in saying that I think that’s how all people should be. yeah!!!!

  • kate davies

    My name is katedavies ,i live in Florida,USA,and I’m happily
    married to a lovely and caring husband ,with two kids.A very big problem
    occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my husband .so
    terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce.he said that he
    never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn’t love me anymore.So
    he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through
    severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much
    begging,but all to no avail.and he confirmed it that he has made his
    decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was
    coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my
    husband .So i explained every thing to him,so he told me that the only
    way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has
    really worked for him too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no
    other choice,than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the email
    address of the spell caster whom he
    visite [DR ADUDU] So the next morning,i sent a mail
    to the address he gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will
    get my husband back the next day.What an amazing statement!! I never
    believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do.
    Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who didn’t call me
    for the past seven {7}months,gave me a call to inform me that he was
    coming back.So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with
    lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain
    he caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was
    now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster. So, i
    will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website ,if
    you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to
    “bringing your ex back. So thanks to the Dr ADUDU for bringing back my
    husband ,and brought great joy to my family once again. [DR ADUDU], Thanks………..