How to Let Your Man Know What You Truly Need from Him

How to Let Your Man Know What You Really Need From Him

You wouldn’t have to know me long.

Before you concluded I could use a break now and then.

You’d soon be saying, I bet that lady needs a tall latte.

Maybe even a dark chocolate truffle.

I wouldn’t need to explain all this.

You would just know.

As a woman, it would be obvious to you.

You’d take one look at my full-to-overflowing days . . . and you’d understand exactly what was needed.

A small retreat.

Away from the noisy house and the busy children.

Yes. I’m thinking a 16-ounce latte and a quiet, uninterrupted conversation with a tall grown-up.

Preferably him – the one who thinks so clearly and has such broad, caring shoulders.

Oh, yeah, definitely him.

Now isn’t that readily apparent to you?

But for some reason it was NOT apparent to my husband and I had a hard time believing he couldn’t see it.

An Eye-Opening Conversation

So one day we had a conversation about this need of mine.

It began by my asking, “Can I tell you a little bit about me?”

Yes…

“Well, I love being your wife.

And I love being a mother.

And I could keep going on like this for the rest of my life.”

Small pause, so he’d see I was sincere.

“But you know something else about me? I do sooo much better when I get to step away from here occasionally.

“Not only get away, but go out and have time together with you. It would do me a world of good.”

I drew breath and then finished with, “So do you think we could pull that off? You know . . . arrange for that on a regular basis?”

He started to laugh (though I didn’t really see the humor).

His response? “Strange. I never looked at it that way.”

My turn. “Ummm….So how do you look at it, Dear?”

“Well, I guess that since I’m away from the house all day, my favorite thing is to come home to my family. I love it when we’re sitting around together and don’t feel a particular need to go back out again. And I thought you felt the same way.

So as it turned out, he really was unaware.

I had to explain what I was hoping for and even what that looked like to me. I wasn’t asking for a Mediterranean Cruise or an expensive dinner out – just a latte, please (though chocolate wouldn’t hurt).

Mostly I wanted time with him.

But in his mind, our evenings together at home counted as “time.”

It didn’t count so much with me.

He didn’t know what I needed. That was something he had to hear from me.

How to Let Your Man Know What You Really Need From Him

How to Let Your Man Know What You Truly Need from Him

Pray.

Bring it before The Lord first. Ask Him to help you say what you want to say in a loving manner. Also, ask Him to prepare your husband’s heart to hear you.

Come clean.

Let go of any bitterness or resentment that might have built up before this. Come with a fresh spirit.

Prepare him.

Let him know you’ve got something on your mind and you’re looking forward to sharing it with him.

Approach him.

Gently. With words seasoned with grace. Not accusing or demanding, simply laying down your needs before him.

Be patient.

Don’t be discouraged if it takes a while to sink in. Or if you have to repeat your request periodically and in different ways. Patiently and lovingly remind him of your needs.

Show appreciation.

If he tries at all, then express gratitude for his efforts. Don’t only say it in words, but also in your attitude. Make sure he sees what a difference it makes in your life.

Be willing to leave it there.

This might be the hardest one. Some needs can go for a long time before they’re met. Others never will be met. At least by him. Because God is the only One who promises to supply all you need (Phil. 4:19).

So go ahead and let him know what you need. Whatever it might be.

And, of course, what I need these days is a tall latte.

Chocolate.

Above all, some time away with my Man.

But you already knew that…. 😉

In His grace,

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Summer News: From My Home to Yours {and What I’d Love to Hear From You}

Family With Coffee on Patio

And a very happy summer to you!

If you’re new here, then you might not have come across one of these newsie posts before. But every change of season or so, I like to jet you – my faithful reader and friend – a more personal note and update.

Just to share what’s been going on around here and to let you know I’m  thinking of you!

And so here it is mid-summer and what better time to connect than a warm, sunny day like this?

Exactly. That’s what I thought too.

I’ll go first, but I’ll be looking forward to hearing from you as well (more on that a little later!).

Savoury Jacobson 2015

Now That She's Turned 18 {& What I Love About the Strong-Willed Child}

What Happens When Children Grow Up

. . . and leave home.

I guess I might as well get it out now.

You see, we have not one but TWO daughters who are leaving at the end of this summer.  One is going to college and the other is off to live her writing dream. Both are moving across the country.

And these girls are two of my closest friends.

So you can pretty much count on teary-eyes from me over the next few months.

How is it that you can be so excited for someone you love . . . and yet so very sad at the same time?

Motherhood.

Not for the faint of heart.

Dad and Mom Jacobson

My Dear In-Laws

As most of you know, my husband’s parents have lived with us for the past 17 years.

And Mom struggles with Alzheimer’s.

And Dad has faithfully cared for her through it all.

Yet he’s had several heart attacks over the last few months and is now under hospice care himself. He’s still with us, although he’s at the place where he simply longs to be Home. To be honest, he has good days . . . and some really hard ones.

On those difficult days, you’ll find the two of them sitting together and listening to old gospel tunes. Humming along and holding hands. Singing to their risen Savior.

With a few tears streaming down their dear, old faces.

But without complaint.

And, believe me, I’m watching and taking notes. Got somethin’ to learn there . . .

*A special thanks to all of you who have been praying for us! We’ve truly felt your prayers!

The Boys Playing Baseball

What We’re Up to This Summer

Recently Matthew and the kids packed up the canoe and tent for an adventurous camping trip and headed out to a nearby lake. I stayed home this year with our Special Girl.

The Young Boys have been working in the garden and play baseball nearly every chance they get.

If you follow me on Instgram, you already know that summer is my favorite season of all! I love the flowers, the sunshine, the longer days and warmer nights. I love French Press coffee on the back patio in the morning and bee balm tea in the evening. Fresh-picked blueberries, homegrown tomatoes, and colorful salads. Laughing with family and friends.

I also enjoy a little extra reading—one of the many joys of summer! (If you do too, here are some recommended books: My Top 5 Picks: What to Read This Summer.)

The Girls have been busy working and playing this summer.

The oldest is finishing up her first full-length novel and the other one is running her Virtual Assistant business and on her way to Patrick Henry College. The next youngest works as a nanny and every night she makes us her famous Bee Balm Tea and we all catch up on the happenings of the day.

It’s one of the loveliest ways to spend a summer evening . . . .

Bee Balm

How to Prepare Bee Balm Tea

To prepare the tea, you simply walk out to your garden and gather as much of both the leaves and the flowers as desired. Then what you need is a cup of boiling water per tablespoon of bee balm herb (fresh or dried). Place the herb in a tea strainer, pour your boiling water over it, and allow the tea to steep for about 10 minutes.
After that, remove the strainer and add any natural sweetener you prefer, or none at all. Now the only thing left is to do is to decide whether you want to drink it hot from a tea cup or chilled, poured over ice!

Here are some other suggestions for your summer, in case you missed these:

What I’d Love to Hear from You

Even though it’s the middle of summer, I can’t seem to help myself and am already thinking about the fall and upcoming year.

And so I’d love to hear from you and what you’d like to see from Club31Women!

I already have some exciting new plans in place, but I’m eager to learn what else you’re hoping to find here…..

  • What kind of articles do you prefer? (Marriage, parenting, faith, homemaking, book reviews, practical helps, recipes, giveaways, etc.)
  • How can the Club31Women team and I encourage you? What would be the most helpful to you?
  • How often would you ideally want to receive articles? (daily, 3 or 4 times a week, less…or more?)
  • Would you mind telling me a little about yourself too? (Married? If so, how long? Do you have children? How many and what are their ages? Anything else special about you that I should know?)

I’d be so grateful if you would respond  to any or all of these questions in the comments below!!

Thank you so much! I can’t wait to hear from you….

Hope you’re enjoying your summer!

With love from my home to yours,

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*If you prefer, you can also reply to this email and that response would come to me as well.

Photo credit: The pictures of the girls are from the very talented Allison Harp!
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Here’s One Thing I Do Not Want to Pass Down to Our Children

Mom, Don't Pass Your Fears Onto Your Child
Recently my oldest daughter and I were staying at my parents’ home while they were away on a trip. Just she and I alone enjoying a private retreat at the home I grew up in.

Everything was so peaceful . . .

That is, until she told me she was going down to the basement to exercise.

I gulped. I was very uneasy with her going down there all by herself.

Yes, even though she is going on 20 years.

The girl read right through me and started laughing.

What, Mom? Are you afraid the Monsters are going to get me down there?

And she wasn’t too far from the mark. Here I am, a grown-up adult – a very grown-up adult – and I’m still afraid of that dumb, dark basement.

But she sure wasn’t.

She was unafraid.

Just like we’d raised her to be.

And I thought about how freely she lives.

And how that’s what we want for our kids.

And how I want to live as well. Fearless.

Because it’s only the Enemy who wants us to fearful. To be afraid to try new things or step out from our comfort zone. To worry about what might happen and what scary things might be out there.

But not our God…..

You can hop on over to TheBetterMom to read the rest of this article (click link below)!

Mom, Don’t Pass Your Fears Onto Your Child

I hope to see you over there!

In His grace,

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15 Ways to Say You Love Him…Without Ever Saying A Word

15 Ways to Say You Love Him (Without Ever Saying a Word)

I’m not sure that I understood the man’s mind when we first got married.

Or maybe I should say understood his masculine heart.

I mean, I thought I did . . . but it turned out I had a lot to learn.

Lots and lots.

Basically, clueless.

I figured mostly what I needed to do was to look up at him with adoring eyes and occasionally say, “I love you” and that about covered it.

It had worked so well when we were dating . . . .

But less so as time went on.

Not that he still didn’t want to hear it, but I found there were other ways to tell the guy that you love him.

I discovered that – much like me – he needs to hear love spoken in a variety of ways.

And he needs more than just big eyes and a few romantic words.

So my friend Christy and I decided to pool our marriage experience to offer some suggestions (sort of a “two for one” deal) in case you were looking for new ideas too.

So here’s what we came up with . . . .

15 Ways to Say You Love Him

1.     Prepare him food that he especially likes.

I know. It may seem a bit silly to you, but the feeling is real. They might say that “Love makes the world go round,” but the truth is—it’s food.

Especially cinnamon rolls.

Preferably homemade and with extra cinnamon goo.

2.     Do one of his chores that he wouldn’t expect you to do.

Surprise! All done. Just ’cause and no need for thanks.

3.     Display overt public affection.

Remember how you used to drape yourself all over him when you were dating or engaged? (you did do this, didn’t you??)

Well, no reason to leave off with that lovey-dovey stuff.

Even my silver-haired hunk of a guy loves it when I wrap my arms around his neck. Or tuck my arm into his. Or snuggle in next to him. Right in front of everyone.

Somewhat embarrasses the teenagers, but I figure it’s good for them.

And I know it’s good for him.

4.     Tell him Chris Hemsworth only wishes he could look so good.

No explanation necessary. 😉

5.     Serve him with style.

For instance, making his dinner could be described as my “job.” But when I add a little extra flair? Put some finishing touches on the plate? Present it with a warm smile?

It communicates that it’s not only my job – it’s my pleasure.

6.     Buy white bread on occasion.

Contains zero nutrition.

And a bit hard on the soul.

But there you have it.

The way to a man’s heart.

7.     Initiate you-know-what.

Your man likes to know that you find him desirable too.

8.     Do something cheerfully where you would normally have a habit of whining and making his life miserable.

So go ahead and shock the socks off of him.

9.    Brag on him.

Tell family and friends – maybe even complete strangers – how much you appreciate the man that he is. Preferably within his hearing.

10.    Make an effort to enjoy an activity along with him, even though it’s not your thing.

Sometimes “laying down your life” means watching a sports game with him. Tagging along on that unfamiliar adventure. Or, in my case, being willing to go dirt-camping when I’d rather sit by clear, blue water at an upscale resort. Sigh.

11.    Play footsies with him under the table.

You wouldn’t believe something so simple could be so effective. My husband still looks up with astonishment – and I’ve been playing this game with him for over 20 years now!

12.    Learn the lingo of his favorite hobby.

Casually throw out your thoughts on the improved clinch knot or perhaps the Boone & Crockett Club. Or maybe drop some remark about the halyard or hawser. This kind of vocabulary is sure to get his attention.

13.    Communicate contentment.

Let him know that he makes you happy.

Not that he – or your marriage – is perfect.

Not that you both don’t have room to grow.

But for today, for now, you’re content with him and the life you enjoy together.

It will mean a lot to him.

More than you might know.

14.   Tell him, “Go fishing. You deserve it!”

My husband calls it “recess.”

So give him your blessing to go outside and play.

15.   Listen to his heart.

Even if he doesn’t share it with words. Listen anyway. And listen carefully.

Because his masculine heart might be different than your feminine one.

But it’s still a heart.

And it’s his.

So why not tell him you love him? 

Without so much as a word.

In His grace,

Lisa & Christy

*Got any fun additions to add to our list here? Please share! 

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When Your Heart Is Troubled: 3 Scriptures to Settle Your Soul

When Your Heart Is Troubled - 3 Scriptures to Settle Your Soul

My heart is troubled.

Aching, really.

And I wish it wasn’t so.

Because I want to walk in faith and not worry so much.

To be unshaken by my present circumstances and undaunted by today’s challenges.

And yet here I am troubled in spirit and unsettled in my soul.

When Your Heart Is Troubled

Longing for Home

You probably know that we care for my mother-in-law and that she and Dad have lived with us for the past 17 years.

And how I love her.

And how much she means to me.

And how she suffers from Alzheimer’s and hardly recognizes who we are anymore.

It has become increasingly difficult to care for her – not because we don’t want to –  but because her condition continues to deteriorate.

Among other things, she has this strong impulse to slip out the door and start walking out into the hundreds of empty acres that surround our property. Packing her fuzzy, pink slippers with her as she’s heading off to heaven.

God has called her and so she’s heading Home with her heavenly slippers tucked neatly under her arm. 

And she gets fairly irate when we try and stop her.

Even downright feisty.

I suppose I’d get irate too, if you stood in the way between me and heaven.

Yeah, I think I’d get good and mad and put up a fight.

So, you see, we just don’t know how much longer we can handle her.

Yet I gave her my word.

Several years ago I took her sweet hands into my own and looked into her eyes.

And I promised that we would always take care of her.

Always.

But what do you do when you can’t keep your promise? And what will we do when can no longer keep her here . . . when all she longs for is Home?

What then? 

When Your Heart Is Troubled

A Troubled Heart

And you, my friend.

Maybe you don’t have your Mom taking long walks toward Heaven nearly every chance that she gets.

Maybe you’re worried about your marriage.

Or anxious for your children.

Or wondering how it’s possibly going to work out with your finances.

Maybe it’s poor health or difficult relationships or your stressful job.

And it deeply troubles your soul.

So what then? 

Call on the Lord. 

In my distress I called upon the Lord;
    to my God I cried for help.
From His temple He heard my voice,
    and my cry to Him reached His ears. ~ Psalm 18:6

Sometimes we forget that we can call on the Lord Almighty, Creator of the Universe, and we try to solve our problems all on our own. Crazy, to think we could forget such a thing.

And yet we do.

We look to ourselves for the answers, as if we could figure it out. Without Him.

But His Word says that our cries reach His ears. He is listening! He hears us and we can call on Him.

Anytime. Day or night.

So cry out to Him.

Trust in the Lord.

To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
 O my God, in you I trust;
     ~ Psalm 25:1-2a

We can have confidence that our God is watching over us. None of this catches Him by surprise. Not our sorrows and not our circumstances.

He is good and kind and powerful.

Put your trust in God and He will not fail you. 

Wait on the Lord.

Wait for the Lord;
    be strong, and let your heart take courage;
    wait for the Lord! ~ Psalm 27:14

Right now. That’s when I want my problem solved. I want to know the solution today.

But Scripture tells us to “wait for the Lord.” Not rush ahead and try solve the issue this very minute. We can quiet our souls, knowing that we are safe and well in His hands.

Wait on the Lord. He is able to deliver you. 

It Is Well With My Soul

Last night, before turning in, I checked on Dad and Mom to see if they were doing alright. I found them sitting there at the kitchen table holding hands and singing their hearts out to old gospel tunes. One right after the other.

Could see Dad with big tears in his eyes. Big sweet tears.

It was one of those rare moments when Mom knew who he was and that he was her faithful, loving husband.

And she knew that their time on earth was growing short.

And they talked about tying a rope to each other, so that when one went . . . the other could follow.

And I wished it was like that.

But it’s not. So here they are, waiting on the Lord.

And if they can do it? So can I.

And so can you.

Call. Trust. Wait. 

Be strong and let your heart take courage. 

In His grace,

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*I’d be grateful if you prayed for dear Patricia, if you think about it. And I’d be glad to pray for you too, if you want to leave your request in the comments below. 

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My Top 5 Picks: What to Read This Summer

My Top 5 Picks: What to Read This Summer

I love summer.

Love, love, love.

And you want to know why?

Okay, I’ll tell you.

First of all, I am a sunshine girl. All the way.

Some of my other family members might wilt and complain about the heat of summer. Not me. I bask in it.

And I love the slow mornings and taking our coffee out on the patio.

And I love eating fresh-picked blueberries and homegrown tomatoes from our garden.

But you know what else I love?

Reading.

For hours and hours on the front porch swing.

Or on the shores of the lake while the kids splash and swim.

Or in my camp chair while the rest of the family goes hiking and exploring.

You might say I have a Reading Problem.

So for any of you who have a similar problem?

I’ve got some wonderful recommendations for you!

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My Top 5 Picks for Summer Reading

Here they are in no particular order….

Hiding in the LIght by Rifqa Bary

Hiding in the Light: Why I Risked Everything to Leave Islam and Follow Jesusby Rifqa Bary. Wow. This is some story! Written by a young woman who came to Christ as a teenager after having been raised in a strict Muslim home.  Rifqa offers a very powerful testimony of the kind of faith we are all called to walk.  Her amazing story is well-written, gripping, and inspiring. Available here.

Unveiled Wife by Jennifer Smith

The Unveiled Wife: Embracing Intimacy with God and Your Husband by Jennifer Smith.  The Unveiled Wife is like no other marriage book I’ve read. I’ve not encountered such a raw and honest portrayal of the deep pain and difficult struggle that can go on in a young marriage—-even one that is committed to Christ. And yet what beauty is revealed when God slowly, gently reveals His purposes and His healing in their relationship.  So much love and hope offered in these pages! Available here.

Flash by Rachel Anne Ridge
Flash: The Homeless Donkey Who Taught Me about Life, Faith, and Second Chancesby Rachel Anne Ridge. So you’re wondering why you’d want to read a book about a donkey this summer? Just trust me on this one. It’s sweet and it’s funny and it’s poignant. I laughed aloud in some places and found myself unexpectedly tearing up in others. Besides, I fell in love with this donkey before the book was half way through. And I never thought I’d say that! Available here.

Every Bitter Thing Is Sweet

Every Bitter Thing Is Sweet: Tasting the Goodness of God in All Things by Sara Hagerty. I know. I’ve mentioned this book before. I read it for the first time last fall and read the entire thing in one sitting (on a long cross-country flight). I’m telling you, I could hardly put it down. I’m reading it again this summer, this time more slowly and look forward to savoring the beauty and truth found in this gorgeously written book. Available here.

Through Gates of Splendor by Elisabeth Elliot
Through Gates of Splendor: The Event That Shocked the World, Changed a People, and Inspired a Nation  by Elisabeth Elliot. As you might know, Mrs. Elliot recently went Home to be with her Savior and there were heartfelt tears here in our household. I met Mrs. Elliot over 20 years ago and enjoyed occasional correspondence with her over the years. Even when she was too ill to write herself, her husband Lars would write on her behalf (by hand!) and I treasure both her wisdom and her words.

If you’ve never read her book, Through the Gates of Splendor, or if it’s been a long time since you did, I highly recommend this incredible story of the adventures – and ultimate sacrifice – of five young couples ministering down in the jungles of Ecuador. Their story has had a profound impact on our entire family. Available here.

I hope you enjoy these books as much as I have this summer!

Now off to the porch swing to read . . . . .

*And what are you reading this summer? Please share any recommendations you might have for us!

Blessings,
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