7 Ways to Bring Respect Back into Your Marriage

7 Ways to Bring Respect Back into Your Marriage

As wives, we desire our husband to love and cherish us.

We want to hear sweet nothings whispered in our ears and have love notes tucked under our pillows with pledges of love from our husbands. We like to feel our husband’s arms around us reassuring us of his affection and attention.

But, our husbands have desires too. Three of their strongest desires (in my opinion) would be respect, intimacy and food.

Most of us wives understand that our husband needs food and intimacy. It’s kind of common knowledge, but respect?

Yes, respect is a major need that he desires to be fulfilled by you, his wife. You are the one that sees him when he excels and when he fails. You are the one that he has vowed to spend a lifetime with. Yes, he needs respect from you.

But how?

How can we as wives make an honest and deliberate effort to respect our husbands — every single day?

It doesn’t come that easy when we know his weaknesses. But we have to, we need to.

Why?

Because most of us chose to marry our husbands. Most of us were not the recipients of an arranged marriage. No, we fell madly in love with one certain man and pledged our life to him. In fact, many of us quoted wedding vows with the words “honor and respect” in them — and we were talking about our husbands!

So if he needs it, and we promised to give it, then we need reminders on how to respect him every single day.

Here are some relevant, everyday tips that you can start using today to bring respect back into your marriage. A wife that respects her man is a wife that is dearly loved. It’s true! It’s a tested and proven cause and effect. Just try it for yourself!

7 Ways to Respect Your Husband

1.    Don’t nag. Wow, this is a tough one sometimes. Life gets busy and he forgets to fix the sink or cut the grass. Don’t muse on these things. Just be patient and wait. Ask that God to remind your husband of those things so you don’t feel tempted to repeat requests — over, and over and over again.

Another option? Consider taking the time to figure out how to get the job done yourself, so he can focus on other things. I know you are probably busy too, but if you can squeeze some of his duties into your schedule, you will only reap happy marriage benefits from your sacrifice of love!

2.    Just listen. As a busy mom of six, I multi-task. Do you do that too? Sometimes my multi-tasking sneaks its way into my conversations with my husband. As he’s relaying current events to me, I may be sweeping or braiding my daughter’s hair. But, one small gesture that I can do everyday to show my husband respect is to simply stop and listen. I can put down my broom for a few seconds to give him my undivided attention.

When I focus on him and his words, my body language is saying, “You’re important to me and I want to hear what you have to say.” Try it today and see an instant positive response form your hubby!

3.    Don’t correct. This is definitely a pet peeve of mine. Countless times my husband and I have been engaged in a conversation with another couple and the wife continually interrupts. “No, honey. There were three men in the store.” “No, Sweetie, you picked up the green one.” She has to correct him — or else the story would never be the same.

Don’t be that wife. I have yet to meet a husband that enjoys his wife interrupting his conversations or correct him — especially in public. It belittles him and only adds tension to your marriage.

4.    Give thanks. Did he take the family out to dinner? Did he lead the family in devotions? Did he change the light bulb? From the simplest to the most difficult tasks and gestures, thank him. Verbalizing your gratitude shows your husband that you truly respect the work he does — no matter how small or big.

5.    Praise him. Do you love your husband’s eyes? Tell him. Does he have an impressive baritone voice? Let him know you’re his biggest fan. Is a a loving father to your children? Tell him so. Take every opportunity to praise your husband. He’ll love it, and focusing on your husband’s talents and abilities will cause your heart to respect him more.

6.    Give him his own space. Men like to have their own little cubby away from everyone else. This “man cave” is a place he can go to be alone and just think. Especially if he’s a dad, there will be times when he needs to get away. Let him have that space and furnish it as he desires.

7.    Welcome his advances. Nothing makes a man feel disrespected more than a wife that pushes away his physical advances. It makes him feel undesirable. Lean in to that kiss, squeeze extra tight on that hug and focus on your special physical relationship that only you two share. Enjoying the physical part of the marriage is one of the most powerful ways to let your husband know he has your respect.

Respecting our husbands doesn’t always come easy. It’s something that God had to give us clear instructions to do. But if we do strive to respect our husbands, then we will experience a happy, close-knit marriage that few people get to experience.

Respect your husband now and cultivate a strong marriage that provides a strong foundation for a happy home.

DO YOU DESIRE TO HAVE A HAPPY HOME?

Many times we think happy homes only exist in fairy tales. Happily ever after can become your family’s story! In my new ebook 25 Days to a Happier Home I take you through 100 plus pages of 25 daily challenges that inspire you to create a happier home for your family. Parenting, marriage, home-making and financial issues are all addressed in this new book. Honest wife-to-wife and mom-to-mom advice helps encourage you to complete each challenge and continue molding your home into one of the most pleasant places on earth!

(This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure.)

25 Days to a Happier Home by Alison Wood25 Days to a Happier Home is available in an easy-to-read format that is available for most reading devices. Join the happier home challenges today — your family is worth it!

You can get a copy of the book HERE:

25 Days to a Happier Home

I am also giving away three ebooks to three sweet readers! I hope and pray this book will be a blessing to your home and that you and your family get to live happily ever after!

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Alison Wood is a mom of six kiddos, wife to one amazing husband, church-planting missionary in Southeast Asia and a parenting writer for online magazines. She encourages wives and moms at Pint-sized Treasures Follow her there!

6 Things Every Sister is Really Hoping to Hear from Her Brother

6 Things Every Sister is Really Hoping to Hear from Her Brother

I am a middle child.

The only sister between two brothers.

And we grew up the way most families grew up in our neighborhood. Sometimes we fought and sometimes we had fun. We played board games together, rode the bus to school, went on camping trips, and launched huge pillow fights when our parents weren’t home (sorry about that, mom!).

I don’t remember my brothers every being truly mean to me and I knew, deep down, that they loved me.

But we didn’t really talk much about that.

Okay, we didn’t talk about it at all. It just wasn’t cool or comfortable for brothers and sisters to say that kind of stuff to each other.

So I had to wait until we were older – as in, grown-up, married-with-families-of-our-own, older – to hear that they loved and appreciated me.

And by then I was glad to hear it. Really, really glad.

But I don’t want our daughters to have to wait until they’re married and moved out to hear from their brothers. I want our sons to say what should be said now, while they’re still living in the same house together.

Because although he might not realize it, a good brother can make all the difference in a girl’s life.

Why wait until years down the road – if ever – to tell your sister what she needs to hear?

So, for all you dear brothers out there, this is for you . . . . 

6 Things Every Sister is Really Hoping to Hear from Her Brother

You are valued. You mean a lot to me and, if I’ve never told you this before, I’m thankful to have you as my sister. You’re the best!

You are lovely. And I don’t only mean “pretty” (although I think you’re that too), but that you’re a really lovely person. You bring beauty into all our lives.

You are smart. I know we don’t always see things the same way, but I like how you think and appreciate hearing your thoughts about life and ideas and adventures.

You are protected. Because I’ll do all I can to look after you. I’m watching out for you, Sis.

You are gifted. You are one talented lady and I admire your many strengths. You’re so good at whatever you set out to do and I believe you’ll go and do great things some day.

You are loved. In case you’ve been wondering, yes, I love you. And always will. No matter where life takes us and what God has planned for our future.

I will always love you, Sis.

Then you just might prepare yourself for the big hug that will probably come your way.

Because sisters can be like that.

And then you might want to hug her back.

Because you can almost bet that she’s really hoping for that too.

So go ahead and say it. A brother can make all the difference in a girl’s heart. 

What Every Sister is Really Hoping to Hear From Her Brother
*This is the companion post to 6 Things Every Brother Needs to Hear from His Sister which was in response to a young reader’s original question:  What does my brother need to hear from me?

In His grace,
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(This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure.)

100 Ways to Love eBooks Tiny*Our books are now available:  100 Ways to Love Your Husband by Lisa Jacobson and 100 Ways to Love Your Wife by Matthew L. Jacobson

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A Peek Into This Woman’s Everyday Marriage (and memoir giveaway)

*Guest post by my lovely friend, Emily T. Wierenga—because sometimes marriage comes hard.

Lisa Jacobsen

The other night we left the boys with my sister, rented a hotel room in the mountains. We planned to snowboard the next day.

We bought take-out and I couldn’t rest that night. For hours, we lay there in our separate beds because the room came with two, but I couldn’t sleep. And I cried.

Trent stretched out his hand across the space between our beds, his fingers reaching for me in the dark. “Hold on to me, Em,” he said. “I’m here.”

“Hold on to me, Em. I’m here.”

We’re not exactly John and Yoko.

Trent’s a math geek and I’m a literary nerd. He’s loud and I’m quiet. He’s athletic and I run into walls. We both like books. We both love camping. And we’re both over-the moon crazy about each other and our boys.

But marriage has come hard for us.

Hard, with years of anorexia and insomnia and fists punching the wall.

I’m putting away the laundry, the seven loads which Trent folded for me while playing a computer game, because between my books and my boys, I can’t seem to take a shower or do any house cleaning. Let alone fold the laundry.

And I’m putting the baskets away when he calls “Suppertime,” because Trent’s made burgers, and on the table, a salad: with peppers and grated Jalapeno cheese, lettuce, bacon bits, and grated carrot, and chopped onions which always make Trent cry–it’s the only time I see him cry– and “I made you fancy salad,” he says.

Like my friend says, there’s nothing sexier than a salad-making man.

But truth is I’d be a wreck without my salad-making man.

The one who held me those long, skinny anorexia years.

Our best conversations happen over a board game because games are Trent’s love language, and we’re still getting the intimacy thing.

I used to fight him when I got mad, sometimes with my fists, and he’d shake his head and grab my wrists and then finally leave. Slam the door and drive off while I wept into the couch pillows, but that doesn’t happen anymore.

No man is perfect, and Trent will say things that unintentionally hurt me, or he’ll forget to take out the trash, but I will also do things–like forget his birthday, as I did one year–and ours is the kind of marriage that throbs with love.

Ours is the kind of marriage that throbs with love.

The kind of love that will not give up: not through anorexia, not through insomnia, not through moves to Korea or moves home to take care of parents with cancer, not through slammed doors or tears or fists, because there’s also the salad. There’s the laundry. There’s Trent taking the kids to his parents so I can write. There’s him reaching out in the dark to hold me, to pray for me.

I want the kind of marriage that dances into its Golden Anniversary, that kisses each other on wrinkled cheeks and laughs at each other’s jokes long after the sun has wound down.

I want the kind of marriage that dances into its Golden Anniversary.

And maybe the secret is to never stop reaching out in the dark. To never stop taking hold of each other’s hands. And to never let go.

Not even for a moment.

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(This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure.)

My memoir, ATLAS GIRL, is releasing this month, and I am excited to give away TWO copies today. Just leave a comment below to win!

The giveaway is now closed. The two winners will be notified soon!

And thank you to everyone who participated, as well as for your encouraging comments. ~ Lisa 

From the back cover:

“Disillusioned and yearning for freedom, Emily Wierenga left home at age eighteen with no intention of ever returning. Broken down by organized religion, a childhood battle with anorexia, and her parents’ rigidity, she set out to find God somewhere else–anywhere else. Her travels took her across Canada, Central America, the United States, the Middle East, Asia, and Australia. She had no idea that her faith was waiting for her the whole time–in the place she least expected it.

“Poignant and passionate, Atlas Girl is a very personal story of a universal yearning for home and the assurance that we are known, forgiven, and beloved. Readers will find in this memoir a true description of living faith as a two-way pursuit in a world fraught with distraction. Anyone who wrestles with the brokenness we find in the world will love this emotional journey into the arms of the God who heals all wounds.”

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Click HERE for a free excerpt.

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I’m also giving away a FREE e-book to anyone who orders Atlas Girl. Just order HERE, and send a receipt to: atlasgirlbookreceipt@gmail.com, and you’ll receive A House That God Built: 7 Essentials to Writing Inspirational Memoir an absolutely FREE e-book co-authored by myself and editor/memoir teacher Mick Silva.

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ALL proceeds from Atlas Girl will go towards my non-profit, The Lulu Tree. The Lulu Tree is dedicated to preventing tomorrow’s orphans by equipping today’s mothers. It is a grassroots organization bringing healing and hope to women and children in the slums of Uganda through the arts, community, and the gospel.
64519_10153705975080099_2037134714_n Emily T. Wierenga is an award-winning journalist, blogger, commissioned artist and columnist, as well as the author of five books including the memoir, Atlas Girl: Finding Home in the Last Place I Thought to Look (Baker Books). She lives in Alberta, Canada with her husband and two sons. For more info, please visit www.emilywierenga.com. Find her on Twitter or Facebook.

6 Things Every Brother Needs to Hear from His Sister

6 Things Every Brother Needs to Hear From His Sister

What does my brother need to hear from me? As his sister?

That’s the question the young lady posed to me.

While I’ve been asked many things since I started this blog, this one was a first.

And it was a great question.

You see, we have four sons and four daughters. Four brothers and four sisters.

And we’ve seen the power that a sibling’s voice has in your life. We’ve watched it play out over the years – for building up, or for tearing down.

We also know adults who still struggle with the voices of their childhood and have been impressed with the staying power of a sibling’s influence.

In other words, a sibling’s voice is strong . Very strong.

When you and I were growing up? Families focused on simply trying to stay together. Not a lot of thought was put into sibling relationships and how they would affect the rest of our lives.

Sure, kids bicker and fight. Some get along and some don’t.

But what a brother needs from his sister? What a sister needs from her brother? Probably not much purposeful guidance there.

So let’s do it differently. Let’s teach our daughters what their brothers need to hear from them. Let’s help them understand the powerful role they have in their brothers’ lives and how much they can build up and influence them to be their best.

6 Things Every Brother Needs to Hear from His Sister:

I respect you. Every young man – no matter how young – needs to feel respect from the women in his life. I can’t even explain why this is so very powerful, but I can testify that it’s a strong need in every guy’s life.

I appreciate you. Your brother wants to know he is valued for the contribution he makes to the family – and more specifically to your life. Don’t neglect to express your thankfulness for who he is and all that he adds to your lives.

I depend on you. Even our very youngest guy like to feel he is somehow indispensable. He needs to know we count on him and that he plays an important role in our family.

I like you. Just the way you are. I enjoy your unique qualities and, yes, even your very own personality quirks. Basically, I think you’re a neat person.

I am loyal to you. You’ll never need to worry about what I’ll say to others about you. You can be assured that I will always have your back. I’ll keep our disagreements between ourselves and not put you down in front of others.

I am there for you. You can count on me, if you need something or just someone to listen to you. I’m not going anywhere and plan on being your sister for a very long time. My hope is that we’ll always be close, wherever God takes us down the road.

Sisters, you might not fully realize what a difference you can make in a young man’s life, but you have the chance to be the voice in your brother’s life that he will carry with him for many years to come.

Use your voice well. Say it with words and say it with actions.

Let him know that you love him and you want to be the sister he needs.

What Every Brother Needs to Hear From His Sister
*You might also be interested in the companion post: 6 Things Every Sister Is Really Hoping to Hear From Her Brother.  And ,while all these might also apply in the reverse, this post is the specific response to a young lady’s question: What does a brother need to hear from his sister? and was addressed as such. Thank you for understanding.

In His grace,
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(This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure.)

100 Ways to Love eBooks Tiny*Our books are now available:  100 Ways to Love Your Husband by Lisa Jacobson and 100 Ways to Love Your Wife by Matthew L. Jacobson

If you would like these posts delivered directly to your inbox, simply subscribe below (and get the FREE eBook, The 7 Habits of a Highly Fulfilling Marriage).