My husband often introduces me as his girlfriend.
Ever-so-slightly embarrassing.
He’ll say it to the barista at Starbucks, or the cashier in the check-out line of the grocery store. Even to the new couple we met at the end-of-the-year barbeque.
After 26 years, you’d think I’d get used to it, but it still makes me blush.
And smile.
I always hurry to add that I also happen to be his wife –an important fact to establish when you have eight children together.
And I’ll flash my wedding ring to prove it if necessary.
I think he gets some kind of odd gratification out of my embarrassment.
Then pretends to protest, “What . . . you are my girlfriend, aren’t you?”
Yes, well . . .
It’s true: I am a girl. And I am his friend. A close friend.
The best of friends, really.
So I guess that does make me his girlfriend.
And like most good friendships, ours has grown over time. We’ve had to invest in our friendship and look after it.
So many times people think it’s because we somehow just “click.” But while there might be some “clicking” between us, it’s more than that. Far more than that.
It wasn’t as though we instantly became best friends. It’s been a long, purposeful process.
Today on our FAITHFUL LIFE Podcast, Matt and I share more about how we became such good friends…and practical ways you can grow closer to your spouse too!
How to become better friends with your husband
By spending time together. I know. You’re going to tell me how busy you are. I understand busy. And yet I figure I manage to get a shower (usually) and several meals a day. That’s because it’s a priority with me. I need these things.
I also need time with my husband, so I can make that happen too.
By being nice to him. Do you know how you’re super sweet to your girlfriends? Smile and cheer them on? Do nice things for them? Yeah, well, it’s kinda the same here. This friendship is no different.
Play nice.
By being interested in his stuff. So I have one friend who is really into gardening. And another who is into goats. I am not particularly keen on either of those things – but since it’s my friends we’re talking about here, I’ve decided to be interested. For their sakes.
Same with my husband.
By having fun together. Friendships are never all business, are they? Of course not! It’s not like you sit down with your girlfriend and constantly go over the budget, or decide who is going to drive which child where. No, you sip coffee, go fun places and laugh at each other’s stories!
Hello . . . ?
By praying for him. If you’re a friend of mine, then you already know that I pray for you. I can’t always get away from the kids or write long emails, but you can count on my praying for you. It’s one of my “love gifts” to my friends.
And I pray for my husband and he knows it.
Just this past weekend Matthew was out-of-town on a business trip and called to ask me to pray for him about a particular issue. I started praying as soon as I hung up the phone.
Because that’s what friends do.
So if you ever run into my husband and he introduces me as his girlfriend, just smile and go along with it, will you?
Maybe even tell him that you feel like you already know him . . . since Lisa talks so much about her boyfriend. 
Blessings,
Lisa Jacobson
FAITHFUL LIFE podcast
Matt and Lisa Jacobson, authors of 100 Ways to Love Your Husband and 100 Ways to Love Your Wife, are the hosts of a weekly podcast to talk about what it means to be a biblical Christian in marriage, parenting, church, and culture. Matt and Lisa offer deep encouragement, along with practical steps and true-life stories, as we grow in walking the faithful life together.
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Lisa
Latest posts by Lisa (see all)
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- Looking for How to Become Better Friends with Your Husband? {FAITHFUL LIFE #3} – March 12, 2019
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“My husband often introduces me as his girlfriend.” 😍
My husband does that too, often enough I too call him my boyfriend and then indeed add that we’re married (almost 17 years). And yes, he is my best friend in the whole wide world, the only human being out there who knows me better (or as well, just on a different level) is my mother.
Isn’t it awesome how you can still grow closer after so many years of marriage?! 😍
Haha! I love it! And yes, you can still grow closer years into marriage!
How do you get your intimacy back in your marriage after 22 years?
These are good points, but how do you even become friends with the man you married who you feel dislikes you. We have much to stay together for so my husband would rather just be roomates. He tells me the more I want something, the less he cares or wants anything to do with it. I am running out of faith it will ever be a “happy home”.
My husband and I have been together for almost 12 years, every single day we talk all day long over text while we are at our jobs. And not just about what needs to be done after work. About our day, our love, and counting down the hours until we can finish our day together. There is nothing more important then keeping the lines of communication and affection open even when in an argument. 😊 Thank you for the read, made me smile knowing that my husband and I already do these things.
Feeling Blessed
Bonnie
Thank you so much for this message. These are some great tips and insights. As you may already be aware of the text for the passage shared “Gracious words are a honeycomb,
sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” Is actually Proverbs 16: 24 Proverb 29: 11 reads “Fools give full vent to their rage,
but the wise bring calm in the end.” I like how you addressed those who struggle with being a quarrelsome wife. That they could simply stop and make the decision not to. We do have the authority to say no to ungodlyness. Thank you so much for inspiring me. I am looking forward to next Wednesdays lesson. Have a wonderful day!
I really enjoyed this article, thank you for posting
Lisa,
Thank you so much for publishing this article! I’ve browsed around on your blog and have enjoyed reading some of your posts. But to be honest, I felt a little discouraged by some of the articles because…while they were all true and helpful…my marriage seemed a little too tough to apply these principles to. I struggle a lot with comparing my marriage to the marriages of other women. My husband and I have been married for a year and a half, and I love him very much. He is a wonderful Godly man, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that the Lord brought us together to bless one another and glorify Him. But even after a year and a half, he isn’t my best friend. One of my female friends is my best friend. It’s been a tough transition from spending all my time with my girl friends to focusing on my friendship with my husband. Truthfully, I haven’t always focused on my friendship with my husband because I haven’t wanted things to change with my girl friends. Only now am I trying to invest more into becoming best friends with my husband.
This article was encouraging to me because you and your husband look like you guys have a seamlessly easy friendship! And maybe you do now after many years of marriage, but it actually encourages me to know that that didn’t happen immediately for you guys—that it took intentionality and time! I’m really looking forward to applying these principles in my journey towards becoming best friends with my husband 🙂 I appreciate all your encouragement on your blog!
Hannah
Teasing each other, laughing uncontrollably and being dorks together are some of my favorite things! 😛
I tell my husband that he’s my best friend. He loves to hear this & I know he needs to know it & believe it. Our marriage is made up of two people that are in love with Jesus and in love with each other. We love to be together & we tell each other that we do.
Hey so my husband and I got married and went off to missions training. After a fantastic year where we went through life-changing experiences together, we find outselves back in Uruguay (home country), having lost our friendship. He works from sunrise to sunset in a rural school and I work from home, so I’m alone all day. He has a very strict view of “fun and hobbies”, and doesn’t like “wasting time” with movies or entertainment in general. I’m resenting him and treating him badly because of it. Jesus help! I need to try harder. I will try to do some of the things you mention here, thanks and God bless.
I know that reading posts and books like this can get discouraging, because you feel so far gone and beyond what is being shared. I used to underline things in books to hand to him to read, in hopes of it registering and straightening him out! It’s hard to do these things suggested above, when you can’t even stand one another. I’ve been there. One of the most valuable things a pastor/friend told me to memorize was the verse Proverbs 27:21 As the fining pot for silver, and the furnace for gold; so is a man to his praise. My thoughts of my husband were so very negative. He too, works many hours, and I felt neglected. The pastor counseled us for weeks and would asks us to bring a praise for one another. It was such a struggle to get beyond, “He’s a good dad, and a good provider”. It was so hard for me to find any good in my husband at all! Pastor explained I needed to retrain my thoughts. Every time the devil sent thoughts of resentment and hatefulness my way, I had to quote this memorized verse in my head and find something to praise him for in my mind also! Anything! Little things. He puts gas in the car, or he handed me money to pick up something, or he opened a jar for me, or he folded the blanket on the couch! ALL the things I kept overlooking because all I could see was bad! And then, put into action praising him! Sincere praise. My husband and I met in Bible college. He was training for youth ministry. From the start of our marriage, we clashed and seemed to butt heads on everything. I bring up the youth ministry thing, because my Pastor pointed out that perhaps, I was one of the reasons he had not pursued his calling. I continually tore him down. The one person who cheered him on as “superman” while we were dating, would completely tear up his confidence and self esteem and then resent him for not doing better, or serving in the years that followed. I needed to put into action what the verse said. The way that the fining pot (the heat or purification) produces the beauty of gold and silver, so would my husband be, if I would praise him. Let me be that fining pot that made him incredible (along with the Lord) by simply obeying God’s word and finding anything and everything I could for which to praise him! It starts slowly to find good things, but it will come and you will be amazed at how much you have missed! Have you ever seen how a little boys chest will puff up when his mama or someone brags on him? Our men never outgrow that desire! Oh that we would praise them! Praise them into the calling that God has placed on their heart. I started that as my pastor encouraged me. If I’d see my husband in action with any kid, I’d say, “you were awesome in how you just did —- whatever it was with that kid. You’ll be an awesome youth director one day!” It’s a planting process. Pastor said it usually takes 6 months until something will bear fruit, but when your husband finally responds, it will be the love you desire, because you’ve given him what he needs! I felt I saw fruit sooner! Be encouraged. God’s word is true. Put this into action and you will see a difference in your husband and you. My marriage was on the verge of ending after going through many counselors and pastors that tried to help and gave good advice, but this was the verse that changed it all. He is now the youth pastor of our church! Praying particularly for you and that this will give you hope, and God’s word will do the same for your marriage!
Thank you so much for your time, advice and encouragement!
What awesome advise! I so identify in completely agree with it! It is so easy to get stuck in the negative cycle. So thankful that God has provided for us the tools to get off of that cycle. It is up to us to do so. Thank you so much for sharing your story! So encouraging and inspirational!
Thank you, I really needed this. Our marriage is a little worse off and some is because of the way I am spoken to and his anger issues. 🙁
One time, very early in our marriage, my husband said something about me being his girlfriend while out to dinner. I jokingly said “Well geesh, don’t tell my husband!” You should have seen the look on the waitresses face! That was fun to explain. LOL
Great article and something I have had on my heart and shared with newlyweds for years… It is so important that we build a friendship with our man and have at least one activity we can enjoy together… If we don’t pay attention to our friendship, it will get lost in the shuffle of life and parenting and then when the kids move away there is nothing to hold you together… Having a shared hobby or interest goes a long way in feeding friendship.. Go schedule a play date with your man 🙂
This was so good. Having gotten married at 18, 8 months ago, my husband and I are enjoying growing up together as best friends for life. We tell each other everything! There have been times that I have tried to keep something from my hubby because I thought it would be best, only to find out it hurt him more to know that I felt like I couldn’t share my burdens with him. All that to say, don’t keep things from your husband. It does more harm than good. When the two of you are best friends it is so beautiful! I love doing all that I can to put a smile on his face 🙂 . For a 19 year old he has lots of stress and responsibilities at work (being a farmer), and I love the look on his face when he gets home and walks through the door. He doesn’t care if the laundry is piled, the dishes are dirty, the floor is a mess, or he can’t even sit in the couch, as long as I am happy, loving and encouraging he can rest and let his burden go. I’m not saying that I don’t do my best to keep the house clean though 🙂 . I’m just saying that the most important thing is to not be stressed your self and to just take time to love your man. “A happy wife is a happy life” 🙂
I love this post and your blog, you have inspired me to pray even more for my husband and our “one day kids”! Dinner time is our down time. Sometimes we sit at our little table for hours talking and drinking tea. Other days its just hoping in the car with him to run his to do list.
Hi! I just discovered your blog. I’m not married (yet). But your posts definitely made me smile. It’s so nice to find an inspiring Christian couple. Will definitely keep reading. By the way, your posts are so well written and entertaining and delivers the message clearly without being heavy. God bless you and your family. <3
Thank you for your kind encouragement, Jeanne! And blessings on you too.
I cherish the friendship my husband and I have! He works for a large cattle ranch and is a very busy man. So I purpose to spend any available time with him that I can (our boys are all grown and out on their own so we’re in a fairly new season of life!) Whether it’s saddling up to go help check cows, or gather and move them, or simply hop in the pickup and ride along if he needs to go into town for something, we fit time together in wherever we can. We always have, really, because it’s important to us to nurture our friendship. Even if it means going along in the semi if he has to haul a load of cows home from the sale barn (probably not one of my favorite things), we make time for us. He even helps out with my things, like helping load the dishwasher while we talk or hang up clothes, our time together is sweet. We live about an hour and a half from town so date nights are rare, but we do manage to fit them in (a trip to the feed store, then dinner, counts, right?) 🙂 I love your articles and look so forward to checking my email and seeing you there! You’re such an encouragement!
A trip to the feed store definitely counts Jan! That made me smile because we have Chicken-feed dates ourselves. Doesn’t sound too romantic, but it works for me! (Especially if he swings by the Dairy Queen for an ice-cream cone for me 🙂
And thank you for your kind words – your “turn” to encourage me! Blessings ~ Lisa
Spending time together is our favorite thing to do. Whether its spending an hour together watching Downton Abbey after the kids go to bed, or getting away for a date night, or simply cooking in the kitchen together, we’re happy just being together.
Sounds like us, Chels! We should have a “double date” sometime. We’d both enjoy cooking in the kitchen with you guys!
Josh, laughingly said,” That would be so much fun-they should invite us down to Central Oregon and we’ll do it!” LOL-no pressure or anything. In all honesty-that would be a ton of fun!
How sweet!! ! You are so right. We will make time for what we think is important. We try to set aside uninterruped time after the kids go to bed. We just talk, watch a movie, or just be together even if he is reading and I am writing. It’s taken some time to get it figured out, but we cherish our alone time. We also try to go out every month or two. I love talking and being with ny husband!
That togetherness is so important – and is often that quiet “glue” that keeps a couple together over the years. Blessings Heather!
Wonderful ! Forwarding this my “boyfriend” -wink
Glad to hear it! He’s blessed to have a “girlfriend’ like you. 🙂
Hello, God bless you Lisa. I got married six months ago and definitely your post have been a blessing to my marriage. I love every one of your post and I love to share it with my husband. You’re an inspiring woman of God. God bless you and your family very much.