*The following is a true story. A real conversation that took place between him and me. I still cringe when I think about it, but marriage can be like that—at least our marriage can be. Because sometimes the truth is hard to hear. ~ Lisa
It all began in a cafe.
Like so many of the meaningful moments in my life. He and I were sitting together over a grande latte in the newly-opened Starbucks at the Green Hills Mall. When my dear friend Susan walked in.
My face lit up as soon as I spotted her.
She and I had only known each other for a short time, but we’d made an immediate connection the minute we met.
Our young family had recently moved to Nashville and I’d felt rather alone up until then. So being with her was like a breath of fresh air to me.
So I shot her my sunniest smile, “Hey, girlfriend! C’mon over!”
A big hug before both of us began bubbling over with all the latest news. I complimented her on her new dress. Told her how much I liked the way she was wearing her hair. Thanked her for the book she’d lent me. And gushed how glad I was to see her!
At some point, I noticed how subdued my husband had become. I waited until she’d left us, then asked him what was up. Something was clearly on his mind. I could tell that much.
But he hesitated. Didn’t seem to know quite was to say.
Then finally, he said it so softly, I barely heard him. “I wish . . . you’d be like that for me.”
Okay, I don’t mean to be difficult, but be like what??
“Light up with a sweet smile. Speak kindly. Say nice things.”
No further explanation was needed.
I knew EXACTLY what he was talking about. And he was right.
I was all smiles for Susan.
Saved my grumpies for him.
Not Quite Right
Rarely bothered with the niceties anymore. Not particularly gracious or polite.
In all honesty? I didn’t offer too much of this kind of thing to my husband. He was supposed to love me “just the way I am.”
No frills or syrup for him.
But how hurtful for him to see me put on my “sweet face” for everyone else—everyone except the man to whom I’d pledged my lifelong love.
Here I was handing out the big smiles and warm compliments to my new friend . . . and dribbling out the tired frowns and whiny complaints to him.
There’s something not quite right about that.
When Your Husband Wants a Kind Wife
Now don’t feel badly if you’re cringing. I was cringing too. Somewhat sickened, really. Definitely convicted.
So, girlfriend, that’s what got me thinking….
If we’re putting on our brightest smiles for our sisters?
If we’re saving our warmest words for our friends?
If we’re sharing our kindest thoughts with The Girls?
Then we might want to consider how hard it must be for him to watch. Maybe he doesn’t mention it – doesn’t know how to say it – but my guess is that he’d appreciate some of that warmth and kindness shown to him too.
So even if he’s around most every day, why not light up when he walks in the room?
Tell him how handsome he’s looking today. How glad you are to see him. A big hug and maybe a bit more.
Put on your sweet face and say nice things.
Like a breath of fresh air.
He wishes for a kind wife.
…and on her tongue is the law of kindness. Prov. 31:26
In His grace,
*The above is an excerpt from 100 Ways to Love Your Husband by Lisa Jacobson.
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Matt and Lisa Jacobson, authors of 100 Ways to Love Your Husband and 100 Ways to Love Your Wife, are the hosts of a weekly podcast to talk about what it means to be a biblical Christian in marriage, parenting, church, and culture. Matt and Lisa offer deep encouragement, along with practical steps and true-life stories, as we grow in walking the faithful life together.
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