Bitterness Is Hard to Hide—Here’s What to Do Instead of Suppressing It
“Now the Spirit of the Lord departed from Saul, and a harmful spirit from the Lord tormented him. And Saul’s servants said to him, “Behold now, a harmful spirit from God is tormenting you. Let our lord now command your servants who are before you to seek out a man who is skillful in playing the lyre, and when the harmful spirit from God is upon you, he will play it, and you will be well.” (1 Samuel 16:14-16 ESV)
When Bitterness Takes Root
The worst part about bitterness is that it’s really hard to hide. I can remember going out to coffee with a girlfriend after I had just broken up with my boyfriend of five years.
As we were sitting there over coffee, catching up, my friend pulled out a little box, and immediately my heart sank. She had gotten engaged a couple of weeks prior, and this was her way of asking me to join the bridal party. She was sitting there across the table from me with a glowing curiosity on her face. “Will you be my bridesmaid?” she asked. Of course, I said yes, but then . . . crickets. Minutes later, the conversation, or lack thereof, ended, and I think I earned the worst bridesmaid award that afternoon.
I don’t know who I was more bitter with—God or her. Or maybe just the situation. But any way you looked at it, I needed healing. Suppressing it wouldn’t create good fruit in my life and certainly not in my friendships.
You Can’t Hide It
Bitterness. Comparison. Jealousy dressed up in silence.
And here’s the thing: you can’t hide it. Not really. And it doesn’t just make you bitter toward others. It pulls you away from yourself.
Scripture shows this pattern clearly in the life of Saul. The moment David was anointed king, the Spirit of the Lord came upon David and, at the same time, left Saul. What followed wasn’t pretty. He grew irritable, unsettled, unable to mask what was happening inside him. Even his servants noticed. Their suggestion? Find someone to play the lyre for him — someone to lead him into worship. David, it turned out, was gifted for exactly that. And whenever he played, relief came to Saul. The bitterness loosened its grip.
That’s the pattern: when ugly feelings rise up, the answer isn’t to suppress them. It’s to run straight into the presence of God.
I was in a vulnerable place on that coffee date. There was heartbreak I hadn’t dealt with, suppressed jealousy, and just a whole lot of brokenness that wasn’t going to produce any good fruit. Rather than filling my time with people, I should have been filling my time with the presence of God. If you continue to walk around with unhealed hurt, it will harm your friendships and hinder your spiritual growth.
The Lord wants to meet you in the mess; He wants His daughters to walk around healed, whole, and confident in His calling over their lives. David understood this too. Later, as king, he wrote: “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. . . . Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me” (Ps. 51:10, 12 NIV).
Since that coffee date, there were other friends who have gotten engaged, cooler job opportunities, internships, and invitations, but you know what? I had Jesus. In moments when I was tempted to compare, I ran as fast as I could to His presence. He will renew your spirit and restore your soul! Let Him be your home base.
In His Word
“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.” (Psalm 51:10–12 NIV)
David wrote this prayer after seasons of his own brokenness, and it’s the same prayer worth praying when bitterness has taken root in your own heart. It’s a reminder that healing isn’t something you manufacture on your own, it’s something only God can restore.
In Your Life
When was the last time comparison or bitterness pulled you away from your own peace instead of toward God’s presence? What would it look like this week to make His presence your home base the moment those feelings rise up?
We Recommend
If you enjoyed this post, check out the study Freedom Looks Good on You by Mac Bridges and Kenz Durham to discover more on how to break free from comparison and walk confidently in the unique purpose God created you for.
Author Bio
Mac Bridges and Kenz Durham are the coauthors of The Wild Invitation and the cofounders of Delight Ministries and For the Girl, organizations dedicated to serving young women during and after college. While in college, they started Delight Ministries as a Bible study, which has since expanded to more than 200 college campuses across the country. Now moms and wives, Mac and Kenz are the hosts of the popular For the Girl podcast and continue to create Bible studies and resources specifically for women in similar seasons of life. Mac lives in Charlotte, North Carolina, and Kenz lives in Vero Beach, Florida.