Comfort in the Lonely Ache of Grief
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction.
2 Cor. 1:3-4, ESV
I made it, I thought as I woke up the morning after Valentine’s Day.
I’d started February 14 with a careless scroll through Instagram intending to respond to a few messages when I got distracted by a barrage of Valentine updates. Status after glowing status showed friends and family happily coupled with pictures of flowers sent, notes written, dinners out, and jewelry given. Captions gushed about why she’d pick him all over again and why she’s still the one.
I forced myself to sign off social media and thought I had redirected my emotions for the day when I got blindsided by a late afternoon run into the grocery store. The store was buzzing with shoppers getting flowers and chocolates. I made the rookie mistake of cutting through the card aisle—usually the one empty lane for a shortcut to the back of the store. But on Valentine’s Day, it was aflame with pink and red and lined with men hunting for the perfect card.
Valentine’s Day Hits Hard
Just like that, the grief I’d thought I’d tamed instantly surfaced. Valentine’s Day hits hard when you’re grieving someone you’d dearly love to spend it with.
As a widow and single mom, the day is a blaring reminder that I’m one in a world built for two. Maybe the day was hard for you as you grieve the loss of a child, a pregnancy, a parent, or a marriage.
I was surprised at the loneliness of grief. It came in the quiet moments and but also cropped up in a crowded grocery store. It was palpable and painful, almost harder than the sheer sadness of loss. Night after night, after I’d gotten all of my children upstairs in bed, I was forced to sit with the ache of loneliness.
Counterfeits Can’t Give the Comfort We Need
These are the moments when I could so easily turn to a host of proxies to cope. My go-to has always been chocolate and I keep a mean stash in the fridge. Maybe you’ve tried to soothe your pain through shopping sprees or binging Netflix or the next fun adventure. Maybe you’ve turned to alcohol, food, a prescription, or a relationship to numb the pain.
Only God can bring the comfort our hurting heart needs. Scripture says he is the God of all comfort who comforts us in every affliction (2 Cor. 1:3-4).
God meets us in every kind of pain—loneliness, regret, sorrow, longing, fear, overwhelm, dismay, and disappointment. He is the God who comforts our loud sobs, our muffled cries, and the silent tears that stain our pillow. We will never encounter suffering outside the reach of God’s compassionate help or heartache beyond God’s capacity to mend.
God bids us to turn to him when we’re hurting. No other thing or person can satisfy what our soul craves and our heart needs.
Turning to anything other than God for comfort will be a temporary reprieve that cannot offer real healing and may even complicate it. What feels good in the moment will never bring lasting comfort.
When the loneliness of grief surfaced wildly on Valentine’s Day, I could so easily have turned to my chocolate stash. But I’ve learned to turn to God—to crank up the worship music, replace the looping lies with the truth of Scripture, and lean into God’s sustaining comfort.
What relief to wake the next morning and see I’d made it through. God who met me in my deep ache is the God of all comfort and will absolutely meet you in your pain as well.
In His Word
Psalm 34:18: “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” (ESV)
Matthew 5:4: “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” (ESV)
In Your Life
What are you tempted to turn to when you’re hurting? What practices can help you turn to God for comfort?
We Recommend
Find your way through grief in Lisa’s new book God of Comfort: A Devotional Journal for the Grieving Heart. Reserve your copy today and get it the day it launches.
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