How Can I Walk Through the Ache of Grief?
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Psalm 23:4, ESV
A few years ago, one of my teenage sons had emergency spinal surgery to remove a lemon-sized tumor, that mercifully ended up being benign. A few hours after getting out of recovery, the nurse came in and said it was time for him to get out of bed and start walking.
I was terrified for him! He’d undergone a major incision in his back, through his vertebrae, and into his spinal canal to remove a large tumor that morning and now they wanted him out of bed and walking after lunch?
I remembered my own unplanned surgery—a C-section with my firstborn—and how only hours later I too was asked to get out of bed and walk. Any movement like a cough or adjusting my sitting position brought on searing pain around the wound.
When Healing Hurts
Those first steps after surgery were excruciating. They were slow and exhausting. But each time I got up and forced myself to walk, it hurt less, and I was able to go a bit further. Given the choice, I’m sure I would have stayed in bed and avoided the pain from walking. But I would also have stalled my healing.
One of the hardest things to do in grief is to lean into the pain, instead of away from it. Our instinct is to push it down, distract ourselves from it, or find some way to numb it. The last thing we want to do is face it head on.
But ignoring our heartache won’t make it go away. It will only get worse. And it will stall the healing God has for us. As we face the grueling pain of loss—
Let’s not mask it.
Let’s not anesthetize it.
Let’s not run from it.
Let’s not ignore it.
The only way is through it.
Walking into the anguish may seem counterintuitive because it will hurt more before it hurts less. But we don’t walk it alone.
The Path Through Grief is a Person.
Psalm 23 tells us not only that our Good Shepherd is with us in our sorrow, but also that he will walk us through. He leads us through the valley of the shadow of death, knowing we can’t stay where we are and find the healing we need.
Walking through the valley of grief means giving ourselves permission to feel each layer of loss, the regret, the loneliness, the disappointment, the missing, the anger, the ache. It means dealing with tough questions, sorting through tender memories, and taking uncomfortable steps forward.
The pain is not your enemy. My pangs after surgery signaled when I was pushing too hard and what areas needed healing.
You may be terrified to walk through your pain. But you will not walk alone. Your Good Shepherd walks with you and before you as you encounter every brutal sting and each deep ache. Put your brave feet to the floor, friend. The only way to heal is through.
In His Word
Psalm 34:18, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” (ESV)
Isaiah 41:10, “[F]ear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (ESV)
In Your Life
Is your tendency to lean into or away from your pain? What, if anything, is keeping you from leaning into your pain?
We Recommend
Find your way through grief in Lisa’s new book God of Comfort: A Devotional Journal for the Grieving Heart.This 50-day journey points to the character of God with us each step of the way after loss and includes devotions, guided prayers, journaling prompts, space to reflect, and poems.
Let’s Connect
Get started today with Lisa’s free companion in grief 7 Day of Hope for Your Shattered Heart.