How God Restores a Heart That Tries to Do Everything Alone
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear… -Psalm 46:1-2
A lifetime of broken trust and abandonment tends to teach a person to rely on herself and close herself off. Even to God.
I’d gotten to a place where, after walking through the fire, I was hesitant to be happy because I was afraid something bad would happen again. My walls were up and they were high and thick.
I worried that if I didn’t hold it all together, I would fall apart. The problem with walls is that they not only protect things from getting in but also from getting out. I struggled to trust others, and as a result, I struggled to give of myself, to serve and be available for others.
I didn’t need people to pray for me because there was already plenty of need. Also, I didn’t want to be a burden. I also didn’t want to lay bare all my struggles.
Closing myself off felt safe, but it was a false security and it came with a cost.
The Hidden Cost of Self-Reliance
Why do we do this and how can we learn to release the need to hold onto control?
We often fear disappointing others and we feel responsible for everyone else’s well-being. As moms, that’s not hard to do. But even as our kids grow into young adults, we can struggle to release that tension. In many ways, our job is done, but we continue to hold on so we can feel like we still have a sense of control.
As women, we have this belief that it’s all on us to remain strong for everyone else. But friend? This was never a responsibility God gave us to carry. He wants to be the one to be our strength — and everyone else’s. But we struggle to trust that God can do it as well as we can when, in fact, He can do it better.
God never asks us to be our own savior nor anyone else’s. This type of self-reliance slowly drains our joy, peace, and connection with people as well as God.
This striving leans into straining, and eventually it hurts us.
What God Does in a Weary, Over-Responsible Heart
- He reminds us we are held.
“Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears us up; God is our salvation.” Psalm 68:19
The good news is, we don’t have to manage everything, including other people’s choices or emotions. When we shift this burden back onto God’s shoulders, He restores peace to us.
- He softens what control has hardened.
“I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears.” Psalm 34:4
We often cling to control because of fear but when we seek Him, He meets fear with tenderness. The secret is, we need to be intentional about seeking Him and releasing this control to Him.
- He strengthens us through dependence.
“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
I get it. Sometimes we want to hold on to control because we fear what God may do with what we give Him. “Will He ask more of me than I have to offer?” Whatever He asks of you, He has equipped you for through His own strength. His strength is meant to carry you in the things you can’t manage on your own.
He never asks us to carry everyone or everything from our family or circle on our shoulders.
- He renews joy where pressure lived.
“Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.” Psalm 51:12
Once we release that weight, that sense of control we fear will make everything fall apart if we let it go, we begin to understand the freedom God wants us to walk in. With it comes an unprecedented joy.
Holding onto things mentally and emotionally doesn’t change their outcome. In fact, holding too tightly could only make things worse.
Trust that God has you and every person in your circle of care. He knows what they need better than you. And guess what? He knows what you need, too—even better than you do.
A Practical, Heart-Level Shift
One practice that has really helped me make a shift into releasing control is journaling my prayers. I write down what’s weighing me down and leave it on the page. Leaving it there is a tangible way for me to leave it with God.
If you find yourself carrying the weight again, write it down and release it again. But don’t just release it, write out a verse that reminds you God doesn’t intend for you to carry what’s His to manage. Pray God’s Word back to Him.
Here are a few verses to get you started:
- “These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.” John 15:11
- “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10 - “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26
- “When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:17-18
Restoration is a process and not a performance. God meets us right in the middle of the overwhelm, not after we’ve fixed it–or tried to. God never meant for you to walk alone.
In His Word
“Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you.” Psalm 56:22
God invites us to lay our worries, fears, and responsibilities at His feet and trust Him to uphold us. Take a moment to consider what you are holding tightly, bring it to Him, and reflect on this verse as you step into the practice of releasing control.
In Your Life
Write out what you are trying to hold onto or take control of, and identify what is truly within your control. Leave the rest with the Lord and notice the freedom that comes from trusting Him.
We Recommend
If you often find yourself carrying the weight of worry, responsibility, or fear, the Bible study It Is Well: Walking Away From Anxiety and Into God’s Word is for your. It guides you through releasing control, letting go of anxiety, and leaning fully on God’s strength. Through Scripture, personal reflection, and practical exercises like journaling your prayers, you’ll learn how to shift burdens to God, find peace in His presence, and experience the joy and freedom He intends for your life.
Let’s Connect
You can find Christin sharing daily reflections to stir your soul here, and practical discipleship on her blog. You can also follow her on Instagram.