How You Can Best Offer a Deep, Healthy, and Sacrificial Love for Your Marriage
Sacrificial love often goes unnoticed, yet it reflects the heart of Christ—costly, unseen, and deeply transformative.
“Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.”
John 15:13 (NKJV)
I had no idea when we first got married that I’d find myself waking up alone. And not only for a morning or two, but day after day for nearly five years.
Every morning, I opened my eyes and sleepily reached a toe over in search of his warm body, only to find a cold empty space where my husband had been hours before. I never did get used to not feeling his warmth next to me—each time marking the loneliest moment of my day.
And if you’re wondering where my husband might have been so early in the morning and why I’d let this situation continue for so long, it’s because Matt would be next door making coffee for his dad and getting him going on his day. Preparing his breakfast, helping him shuttle to the bathroom, and tucking him back into his favorite chair.
After that, the routine generally included the two men watching and discussing the news, with Dad making his best attempts to solve the world’s problems from his sage-green recliner across the room. But that’s about as far as it went since he never again left the house after losing his wife and being placed on hospice care.
By then, Dad had lots of the loneliest moments in his life. Sharing a pot of coffee and the morning news with his youngest son was one of the few bright spots in his day.
Such a long, sweet string of sacrifice in those years.
At first, Dad laying down his life for his increasingly confused and often forgetful wife. Then Matt giving up those morning hours—and so many more—for his dying dad. And me, making the smallest sacrifice of all, enduring some cold, lonely moments waking up without my man.
Sacrificial Love Can Be Messy
For better, for worse. For richer, for poorer. In sickness and in health. Even if you didn’t include those familiar phrases in your wedding vows, I’m sure you have a sense of the sacrificial love called for in a Christian marriage. We recognize that no matter what life throws at us—loss, disappointment, injury, illness—as a couple, we’re pledged to walk through the hardships together.
However, what sounds beautiful when you’re dressed in a white bridal gown can seem less lovely when the time comes to live it out. Sacrificial love can be messy and often goes unseen and unrecognized. This kind of love might require preparing meals, losing sleep, wiping up bodily fluids, or surrendering personal dreams.
Or maybe just waking up alone.
Whatever it is, we rarely get to choose our sacrifice.
Perhaps that’s where you’re at right now. And it’s definitely not a situation you would’ve chosen if it had been left up to you. Maybe you’re laying down the smaller things, such as restful nights or financial security. But maybe you’re making bigger sacrifices by forgoing freedoms, overlooking offenses, or giving up your need to be right. And what can make it more challenging is that no one appears to notice the very real cost of your loving sacrifice.
Oh, friend, sacrificially, love is costly. I don’t know how it can ever be anything but painful to lay down your life for another.
You Are Not Alone or Unseen
And yet, you are not alone—however those loneliest moments might make you feel. You have a wonderful Savior who not only sees your sacrifice but also cares about the cost.
What’s more, He has gone before you. The Bible tells us that Jesus Christ has “loved us, and given Himself for us, and offering and a sacrifice to God” (Eph. 5:2). He paid the ultimate price—gave up His very life—for you and me, to set us free from sin and shame. He gave up everything to reconcile us to our Heavenly Father, conquering death that we might live forever with Him in Heaven.
And it’s because of what Christ did for us that we can bear to walk in such love. This costly, extravagant love.
In His Word
I John 3:16 – By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. (ESV)
In Your Life
At times, we can secretly (or not-so-secretly) resent what we’ve been asked to sacrifice for our marriage. If this is you, then prayerfully ask the Lord how He can help you turn your bitterness into joy. Perhaps spend time reflecting on His ultimate sacrifice, how He went willingly, even joyfully, to the cross in His love for for you (Heb. 12:2).
Dear Heavenly Father, I am so grateful that You sent Your only Son to give His life to set me free from sin and shame. I want to follow His example and lay down my life in my marriage. Please reveal how I can best offer a deep, healthy, and sacrificial love for my husband. In Jesus’s name, amen.
We Recommend
Have you heard about Lisa’s marriage devotional, Loving Your Husband Well: A 52-Week Devotional for the Deeper, Richer Marriage You Desire? There’s also a wonderful companion book, Loving Your Wife Well, written by her husband, Matt Jacobson. Matt and Lisa hope you find these books helpful, encouraging, and a powerful resource to strengthen your faith and marriage!
Let’s Connect
You can hear more from Lisa Jacobson on growing in faith and enjoying an everyday, joy-filled life here. You can also connect with Lisa on Instagram for biblical encouragement!