How to Cultivate a Contented Heart in Your Marriage

Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. (Philippians 4:11)

Clearly, something was bothering my friend. I watched her move through her newly remodeled kitchen with heavy sighs and a discouraged look on her face. Almost afraid to ask, I gently ventured, “Is something amiss, friend? You look upset?”

“It’s nothing,” she said. “I’m fine.” But her body language told a different story.

Since we’d known each other for years, I pressed a little further. Had she and her husband argued? Was someone ill?

“No,” she said. “It isn’t anything like that.”

Finally, she admitted what was bothering her. She was tired of living without a KitchenAid mixer. It seemed everyone she knew had one—every single friend.

Never Enough

She was serious. And, sadly, this wasn’t unusual coming from her. As I thought back over the years we’d been friends, I realized this wasn’t really about a mixer. There always seemed to be something missing. The house needed repairs. Her things felt old or outdated. Her husband wasn’t affectionate enough. Once one disappointment disappeared, another quietly took its place.

Here’s the truth, though: my friend lived in a gorgeous home, and her husband was known for being a genuinely good man. He worked long hours and wasn’t the most demonstrative guy, but no one doubted his love and faithfulness to her. From where I stood, he was earnestly doing his best—the recent kitchen remodel being just one of many attempts to make her happy.

But whatever it was, it was never enough. Discontent has a way of moving the finish line. As soon as one desire is met, another quietly appears just beyond it.

My heart ached for them both. Here was a woman with so much good in her life, and yet she didn’t have eyes to see it. Instead, she was living in an unhappy prison she’d built with her own hands—and her husband kept trying every door, not realizing none of them would open. It wouldn’t have mattered if he’d bought a bigger house or installed trendy tile. Not even the finest mixer money could buy would have solved what was really going on. New things may distract us for a little while, but they never cure a discontented heart.

Learning Contentment

In reality, my friend had everything she truly needed—perhaps not everything she wanted, but certainly far more than most people in the world enjoy. Paul said he had learned to be content (Phil. 4:11). That means contentment doesn’t usually come naturally; it is something God patiently teaches us as we discover, little by little, that Christ Himself is enough. What a tragedy to live in want while standing in the middle of so much abundance.

Godliness with contentment is great gain (1 Tim. 6:6), and for most of us, that gain begins with simply counting our blessings. Gratitude doesn’t ignore what is missing; it simply refuses to become blind to what God has already given.

Try looking at the good gifts already around you, and then, as the old hymn says, name them one by one. If you don’t have the latest mixer but you have a kitchen in which to cook and feed the people you love, that’s a blessing. If your husband isn’t as demonstrative as you’d like, but he has a steady job and faithfully comes home to you each night, thank him for the ways he loves and provides for you. This doesn’t mean you never mention what would make your life easier or your heart fuller—we’re free to communicate our needs and desires, and a good husband will listen carefully to them. The difference is simply where we’re coming from: not a place of continual discontent, but a peaceful place of gratitude.

So, friend, how about you? Is there an area of your life where “never enough” has quietly taken root?

In His Word

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19)

In Your Life

Take a little time this week to reflect honestly on your own level of contentment. You might even ask your husband or a close friend whether they’d describe you as content—or discontent. If you sense a never-enough attitude creeping in, confess it to God, and then to your husband. Tell him you want this to change, not only for his sake, but for your own as well.

We Recommend

This devotional is adapted from Lisa’s marriage devotional, Loving Your Husband Well: A 52-Week Devotional for the Deeper, Richer Marriage You Desire. The companion book, Loving Your Wife Well, written by her husband, Matt Jacobson, is also available. Together, Matt and Lisa hope these books encourage you in your faith and strengthen your marriage.

Let’s Connect

You can hear more from Lisa Jacobson on growing in faith and enjoying an everyday, joy-filled life here. You can also connect with Lisa on Instagram for biblical encouragement!