“I would have lost heart unless I had believed
That I would see the goodness of the Lord.”
~ Psalm 27:13 (NKJV)
Have you ever been mad at God?
I had just watched several videos where people shared their stories…their pain as they struggled through issues, the rejection they felt from family and friends, and even the hurt they felt from the church’s response.
I was so sad and hurt inside for them.
I was sad because each of my kids was struggling in different areas.
I was sad for sadness. Sad for hurting.
And I was mad at God for all of it.
Why did He make us like He did? Why is there so much pain? Why do we have to hurt so bad?
Add a pandemic, racial issues, and a polarizing election with everyone blaming each other on top of that, and it seemed unbearable.
For a week or two, I could hardly contain my tears.
I shared my sadness and cried to my friend. I told her I thought God’s plan was actually quite stupid. I couldn’t figure out how to reconcile all of it. And I was mad at Him.
My friend listened and shared, but the thing she said that stood out to me the most was this…
“Tracy, you are at a crossroads. It looks like you have two options.
One, to turn away from God and follow your own way, thinking you know better.
Or, two, to turn toward God.
God is calling you to relationship, to engage with him.”
I sat at the crossroads.
After our conversation, I chose to stay at the crossroads. To just hang out there and be mad. I did engage with God and told him where I was sitting (as if He didn’t know.)
Interesting how God gently comforted me as I sat.
First, I read (probably while I was buffering away my sadness scrolling on Instagram),
“…Take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 ESV
“God, have you? It’s a mess down here.”
Then, later in the week, I was sending a card to my friend and including my favorite verse, the one that gave me hope during my son’s accident.
“I would have lost heart [despaired] unless I had believed
That I would see the goodness of the Lord”
In the land of the living.
Wait on the Lord;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the Lord!
Psalm 27:13-14 NKJV
Wait in Faith
In my Bible, the footnote says that “wait” means to wait in faith.
Don’t wait if I know the answer. Don’t wait if I can make it make sense.
Wait in faith.
“Here it is again, Lord. I am despairing. You are telling me to believe that I will see Your goodness. You are telling me that you are good. You are telling me to take courage and wait. You are telling me that I can trust you.”
I could surrender myself to God when it makes sense in my life, but I also have the invitation to surrender to God now when I’m hurting, mad, and when this world makes no sense.
That afternoon as I sat at the crossroad, I decided to take one step toward God.
I chose the path to engage with Him.
I knew He was there with His arms open all along, so I took that step and felt the relief of being held by Him. Still mad. Still hurting.
But held by the One who knows it all.
In His Word
“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10 NKJV
How can you be still today?
In Your Life
Are you mad at God? Are you at a crossroads?
Be encouraged. God knows exactly where you are. His arms are open wide. He loves you immensely.
- This book will remain my favorite as it reminds me of God’s unfathomable love for me…even when I’m mad.
- If you want a reason each day to trust God with your heart, then we recommend this book. (But honestly, every book by Christy is amazing.)
You can join Tracy Hoth as she helps women simplify and organize their lives at Simply Squared Away. She will share the FIRST thing you need to do to get organized will send you her Quick Start Guide to Get Organized For Life here.