What To Do When Our Joy Fades: Three Simple Ways to Rediscover Joy
Do you sometimes feel like your joy is slipping away, eroding or stale?
I do too.
It happens to each of us at different times and for a variety of reasons.
I remember standing in my laundry room facing piles of dirty, stinky laundry. With five little kids, my house was a disaster. And I knew that whatever I accomplished would be undone by that evening. I did not feel successful at parenting or marriage or anything. I just felt stuck. No joy. In the corner of the room, I noticed a faded poster that said, “He will make you glad.”
Father, I whispered, I can’t even make myself glad. I need You to do this within me.
Was I suddenly happy and joyful? No. Instead, I was humbled as I realized this was one more thing I couldn’t do. I had to rely on Him to do it within me. And it would not be instantaneous or immediate but more likely a slow growing, one step at a time.
Many things can rob us of joy: a breakup with the person you thought was “the one,” a devastating diagnosis, a rebellious child who has left, ongoing acrimony between your children, the loss of a professional dream, emotional and physical exhaustion, or simply feeling stuck in the mundane of life.
Adding to this are the overwhelming demands of our culture—the podcasts we should listen to, books we have to read, and people we must follow—so many good choices. We are running on overload, and we can’t measure up to our own “oughts” and expectations. Simple joy begins to fade in the tyranny of too much.
So, how do we recapture joy?
Three simple concepts help me when I lose my joy: Focusing on His Promises, Reaching out to People, and Remembering Perspective.
Promises
It has been said that there are over 3000 promises in the New Testament alone that God has given us to take Him up on.
Peter tells us, “He has given us his very great and precious promises so that through them you may participate in his divine nature.” (2 Peter 1:4)
My neighbor said, “Susan, come over sometime for a cup of tea and visit.” It’s a sweet invitation, but I don’t receive the pleasure of it until I take her up on it and go to her home.
I know the scriptures are full of His promises, but I must take Him up on each one to rediscover joy. Just this morning, I found 1 Chronicles 16:27, which reads, “Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and joy are in His dwelling place.”
Father, today I need to experience Your strength and Your joy. Please fill me with both of these traits. I need You to do it within me. You are all-powerful. You know this need within me, and You love me with an everlasting love.
People
Our God is a relational God, 3 in one: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Jesus himself had the 12 and then his 3 “besties,” Peter, James and John. He knows we need friends to walk alongside us. And He calls us to reach out to others. Isolation will lead to loneliness, to a morbid self-focus, and to a loss of joy.
My friend Barbara lives in a log cabin where she was born in rural Virginia. She’s single and has never married or traveled further than the South. She is not wealthy. Yet she is a joyful and grateful person. Every now and then, I say to my husband, “I need a Barbara fix. I’m going to visit her.” Simply being in her presence brings me joy!
A friend went through a devastating breakup. Amid her sadness, she realized she needed to reach out to others in need. So, she began volunteering at a facility caring for foster children. Being with someone else in great need and realizing she could make a difference began to restore her joy.
Father, I ask that you make me and our children and grandchildren “There You are people, instead of “Here I am people.” Help us to care for others instead of indulging our own hurts.
Perspective
When our son Chris was in about 6th grade, he had a crush on a girl a year older. One day, she broke up with him. Curling up with him in his bed that night while tears rolled down his cheeks, I begged God to show me how to comfort him.
“Chris, I know your heart is broken right now. It hurts so much. But I want to tell you that you will not always feel this badly.” I shared with him a promise from Psalm 30:5, “Weeping may last for the night, but joy cometh in the morning.” Here night means a period of time, but you can count on joy coming. What my son needed was hope. Teenagers today need hope and perspective.
When I get stuck in my stuff and lack joy, it helps me adjust my perspective by considering the people devastated by the fires, those returning to homes destroyed in Gaza, believers being shot for their faith in many parts of the world. Considering someone else’s plight can bring perspective.
Father, restore my perspective. Help me to look back and recall specific times of Your faithfulness in my life.
In His Word
“Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me.”
Psalm 51:12
In Your Life
A fun exercise: Look up Joy in the concordance of your Bible. Begin to read references until you sense a verse that speaks to you today. Write it on a post-it and put it on your mirror.
We Recommend
For a deeper journey into God’s character, read Susan’s devotional book, One Devotional: One Word, One Verse, One Thought for One Hundred Days. In this book, Susan Yates helps you focus on who God is, reminding us that shifting our perspective from ourselves to Him restores joy. She writes, “It is so easy for our lives to become about me and my stuff. When this happens, we lose perspective and our joy begins to evaporate. God delights in revealing Himself to us. If we begin to walk through each day focusing on Him and His character, we will gain a healthier perspective.”
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Susan Yates is a wife, mom of five (including twins), and grandmother to 21 (including quadruplets!). Married for nearly 55 years, she and her husband, John, live in Falls Church, Virginia, where he pastored for 40 years. An author of 16 books, Susan writes and speaks on marriage, parenting, faith, and women’s issues. Her latest books include Cousin Camp, Risky Faith, and One Devotional.