How to Fight Back Against the Lie of Shame
Fight back against the lie of shame with truth from God’s Word; reclaim your self-worth, and silence the enemy’s accusations.
Navigating the relentless attacks of the devil can be challenging, especially when it comes to the battleground of our self-worth.
Guilt vs Shame
In my work as a therapist, I often emphasize the crucial distinction between guilt and shame. Guilt addresses our behavior; its primary purpose is to convict and motivate us to positive change. Shame unfairly condemns us as a person, and its purpose is to accuse and point fingers at us.
Guilt says, “I failed at something.” Shame maliciously whispers, “I am a failure.”
Guilt admits, “I made a mistake.” Shame harshly declares, “I am a mistake.”
One day, in my office, I began explaining the difference between guilt and shame to a client. I started writing the word “shame” on the large whiteboard mounted in the middle of my wall.
As I began to write, I paused when I realized the first two letters of “shame” are S-H, which sounds like “Shh!” That’s what we say when we want to keep something hidden or don’t want our words to be heard by others. “Shh! Don’t tell anybody I told you this!” “Shh! Keep this a secret!”
It dawned on me how that is the exact same thing the devil whispers to us.
Shame Is a Sham
As I continued to spell out the word “shame” on my whiteboard, I paused once more when I came to the fourth letter: S-H-A-M. The letters staring back at me now spelled sham. Sham describes something that is false or not genuine.
The devil’s specialty is knowing just when and how to hit below the belt. In Revelation 12:10, he is called “the accuser.”
But the truth of God’s Word dismantles the devil’s deceit.
When the devil says, “You’re worthless!” God’s Word says, “You were bought with a price!”
God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body. (1 Cor. 6:20 NLT)
The devil is not only full of lies, he is the father of lies!
[The devil] was a murderer from the beginning. He has always hated the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, it is consistent with his character; for he is a liar and the father of lies. (John 8:44 NLT)
When Satan Attacks Your Self-Worth
One other way the devil tightens his grip on us is by sucking us into the shame-comparison trap. We begin to measure our value against others and what we see in the highlight reels of social media.
Our self-worth comes under attack when we either hear from others or tell ourselves messages that we aren’t [fill in the blank] enough:
“You aren’t smart enough!”
“You aren’t pretty enough!”
“You aren’t good enough!”
Stop! Comparing yourself to others will only steal your joy. It makes you want what others have (or what you think they have) and plants seeds of discontent in your mind. You begin to believe the lie that God has favorites and you aren’t one of them. You tell yourself that all you are worthy of is God’s “leftover” love. Let me reassure you that there is no such thing. God’s Word says He is “rich in love” (Ps. 145:8).
Reflection:
How has shame affected you in your life? Would you say you usually feel more guilt or shame after you make a mistake?
If you find yourself leaning toward feeling shame more often than guilt, try re-framing the narrative you are telling yourself, with God’s help. Make a list of things God calls you and repeat them to yourself (for example: beloved daughter, chosen child of God.)
If you enjoyed this blog, check out the book Healing from Life’s Deepest Hurts by Kimberly Haar. We love how Kim gets real about her own painful past to walk alongside readers as they heal from their own pain. Full of compassion, Scriptural truth and science-backed tools, this book may be exactly what you need to begin healing.
Kimberly Haar, LPC, LMFT, is a survivor of domestic violence, a licensed professional counselor, and a licensed marriage and family therapist with nearly two decades of experience helping others find healing and wholeness in life. She holds an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy from Southern Nazarene University and is a featured cohost on Oasis Radio Network. Kimberly’s therapy practice is located in Tulsa, Oklahoma, where she continues to inspire hope and strength in those facing life’s challenges. Connect with her online at KimberlyHaar.com.
