Praying Your Way to a Stronger Marriage

Discover the transformative power of prayer to restore hope, connection, and unity to a stronger marriage.

Living in a difficult marriage can steal your joy. What you once envisioned didn’t quite play out the way you hoped. You are not alone in this, but you may feel isolated because you’re unsure what to do. While some couples seem to mesh seamlessly, that is not the story for everyone. Marriage was created to be a blessing, but sometimes there are struggles you can’t seem to get through. This can put a strain on the whole marriage.

Having conversations doesn’t seem to help and in fact, maybe it makes things worse? Those conversations may turn into full blown conflicts. You feel like you’re at a loss.

What if I told you praying for your marriage can be a powerful tool to bring healing and peace, even in the hardest seasons?

Why Prayer Is Essential for a Struggling Marriage

Prayer invites God into your marriage. He is able to do more for your marriage than both of you on your own. You simply need to go to Him and ask. He can strengthen your bond and open your hearts. Even if you’re praying on your own, there is power in a praying wife.

Prayer changes hearts. There are some things you just cannot do on your own — and changing the heart of you or your husband is one of them. Only the Holy Spirit can do that. Prayer is the avenue to ask God for humility, forgiveness, and understanding for the both of you.

Prayer shifts your perspective. One big thing I’ve learned through prayer is instead of focusing solely on my husband’s faults, prayer helped me see him through God’s eyes. We all have issues—but seeing them through a perspective of understanding can help you move through them. It can even help you see they aren’t personal to you—even though it feels like they are.

How to Pray for a Struggling Marriage

Pray for Yourself First.

It always begins with you. You cannot control anyone but yourself and you need to be aware of your role in the marriage. Are you doing your best to contribute and have a good attitude? Ask God to reveal areas in your heart that may need growth. Regardless of what your spouse’s issues are, the only one you have control over is you.

Pray for Your Spouse.

While you may not be able to change the heart or actions of your husband, the Holy Spirit can give him a nudge where needed. Think beneath the surface. If your husband struggles with anger, pray that God reveals the source of that anger. That root is what needs to be plucked so the anger stops. Pray for his relationship with God. If it is strained or non-existent, hearing from the Holy Spirit will be more difficult for him—simply because he may not be listening.

Pray for Unity in Your Marriage

Ask God to help you and your spouse work as a team and rebuild trust and connection. Unity helps strengthen a marriage so much! That’s why it’s much easier for people who share the same faith and values to be on the same page about many things. Sharing godly values is huge and if you or your spouse don’t value the things God does, it’s going to make your marriage that much harder.

Pray Scripture Over Your Marriage

If you ever feel stuck on what to pray for your marriage from day to day, be proactive and pray the Scriptures. There are so many wonderful things you can pray into your marriage.

Some examples:
* Ephesians 4:2-3: “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”
* 1 Corinthians 13:7: “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

There’s a fantastic book by Jodi Berndt that you could use as a guide to pray scriptures over your husband: Praying the Scriptures for Your Marriage: Trusting God with Your Most Important Relationship.

Practical Steps to Incorporate Prayer into Your Struggling Marriage

Start Small
Begin with just a few minutes a day of focused prayer. If possible, pray together as a couple, even if it’s just one sentence each. If not, don’t fret. God can still move!

Keep a Prayer Journal
Write down specific prayers for your marriage and record how God answers them over time. This will be such a wonderful testimony to His goodness and faithfulness in your lives! Don’t forget to reflect on answered prayers to build faith and hope.

Create a Prayer Routine
Set aside a consistent time each day to pray. Having an intentional prayer time is like arming yourself each day. And when you pray for your spouse, it’s like shielding them. Satan’s entire goal is to steal, kill, and destroy. You can be sure he’s after your marriage. Pray for protection over it and over each of your hearts.

Find a Prayer Partner or Support Group
Seek a trusted friend, mentor, or Christian counselor to pray with you and encourage you. This is actually very important. Women have often believed they need to keep their marital struggles private as to not “husband bash”. But there is a difference between “husband bashing” and sharing real-life issues with a trusted friend or mentor. People on the outside can offer us a fresh and honest perspective.

No woman should isolate herself or her marriage, especially when she is struggling. We need at least a couple of trusted people to confide in. Every marriage needs accountability. This is healthy. Marriage starts with two people but your marriage speaks to everyone around you, beginning with your children. Strange as it sounds, your marriage isn’t just about you and your spouse.

Encouragement for the Journey

Trust in God’s Timing
Keep in mind that prayer and change does take time. Do your part and let God do His.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him.” -Romans 8:28

Lean on God’s Strength
The healing journey may feel hard, but God’s strength is sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9). He will not leave you. It can be tempting to blame God or distance yourself from Him when it feels like nothing is changing, but I assure you, He is there, and He wants you to rely on Him. Those days you feel like giving up are the days you need to pray the hardest.

Celebrate Small Wins
Don’t miss the importance of noticing and celebrating even small steps of progress in the marriage. Marriage is a lifelong journey, and we will always be learning and God will always be refining us.

God cares deeply about your marriage and wants to bring healing and restoration. But take note, it takes 3 to make that happen. God, your spouse, and you. The only one who has control over you is you. Prayer is in your control, but your husband’s actions are his responsibility. You cannot change him.

A Word on Destructive Marriages

If you find yourself in a marriage that is destructive and it’s not getting better, I advise you to bring in outside help. A trusted pastor or Christian counselor who specializes in destructive marriages. Often, this type of marriage requires outside accountability for real change to take root. While all marriages should have accountability, a destructive marriage requires it.

Some situations require more of a fight in prayer. They require a dedication to warring for your husband. Destructive behaviors are a symptom of something deeper under the surface. If you need to become this type of prayer warrior, you’ll want to put on your armor. You’re going to need it.

I’m not suggesting the entirety of your marriage is on your shoulders — not at all! Your husband has a role to play as well. But you can’t control his part; you can only do what you can do. Prayer is something you can do–if you genuinely want to help him. Your heart in this situation is delicate. You may be angry, bitter, and resentful at how you’ve been treated. These are emotions you don’t want–so you need to deal with them in prayer, too.

No matter where you are in your marriage, there are two things you need as you step into your prayer closet: faith and patience.

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.
-Mark 11:24

In His Grace,
Christin Slade