A Prayer for the Adoptive Mom: Tears, Trials, and the Truth about Adoption

“I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.”

Galatians 2:20 (NIV)

A Clean Slate: New Birth

Their birth certificates arrived in our mailbox a few weeks after adoption day. Three girls who had first stood on our front porch on a chilly November evening were now officially our daughters. They were four, eight, and fourteen when we met them, but their birth certificates told a different story.  They claimed the girls were born to us and erased their history before they showed up at our home.

Our pastor once opened a sermon about the beauty of our adoption as God’s children by using the example of recreated birth certificates for adopted children. The slate is wiped clean. When we become children of God, we are new creations and don’t bear the identity we had prior to our adoption. That metaphor is perfect and true.

But there are hurdles to believing and living this truth. Memories, fear, trauma, neglect, and sin don’t disappear with a new birth certificate.

Great Expectations: New Life

We often initiate fostering or adopting children with great expectations. We see the beautiful images of adoptive families on social media, the “gotcha day” celebrations. What we don’t usually see are the trials, tears, and truth about the challenges we face while picking up the broken pieces that are erased from birth certificates but not from memories.

We don’t see the diagnoses of attachment disorders that make us feel as though our sacrifices and love are in vain. We don’t comprehend the battles of the minds and wills of children who have felt abandoned, unwanted, and unloved. At some point we realize we aren’t the heroes of their stories. But we know the One who is.

Our Life Is Not Our Own: New Love

“I give you a new command: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you are also to love one another.” John 13:34 (CSB)

God gives us plenty of opportunities to obey Jesus’ command to love one another the same way He has loved us.

I’ve pled with God for wisdom, strength, and fortitude on this journey. And each time, I’m reminded that this life is not my own. His plan for my life included adopting three beautiful girls. And His intent was not that I would do it perfectly or to boost my pride. It’s actually done the opposite—reminded me of how dreadfully sinful I am and how desperately I need my Savior’s help.

God Sees Our Tears: New Nature

If you are an adoptive mom, I want to encourage you to hold fast to this truth: God desires your sanctification, and becoming made into the likeness of Christ requires hard things. There’s nothing easy about adoption. Sweet sister, please know that God sees every tear you cry and sacrifice you make for these children.

Each time you choose to love instead of reject, you become more like Christ. When you choose to serve instead of demand, you love like Christ. When you surrender your desires for the needs of another, you act like Christ. When you forgive instead of retaliating, you reflect the love of Christ.

Prayer is your greatest weapon. The fruit of your faithfulness may one day be appreciated, but it might not be today. Thirteen years after that November evening, I received a note from one of our daughters. It said, “I don’t understand how you can still love me after everything I’ve put you through.”

Jesus, if they see nothing else in our homes, let them see your love for the children you have adopted reflected in our love for them. Amen.

In His Word

Read Galatians 2:20

In what ways has God called you to die to yourself and live for Him? How has this helped you bear His image?

In Your Life

If you are struggling as a foster or adoptive parent, please join a support group for fostering and adoptive moms, or start one in your local church. These have been lifesavers for me.

We Recommend

Praying in Pain by Glenna Marshallis a lovely book inspired by the psalmists, giving us words to prayer when it feels like the problems are too big to fix and we are weary and burdened.

You can also check out the book Foster the Family by Jamie C. Finn to find honest personal stories and practical lessons that provide encouragement and direction from God’s Word as you walk the journey of foster parenting.

Interested in more tips on motherhood? Read this encouraging blog!