3 Essential Qualities To Build a Successful Marriage

Creating a successful marriage takes some intention and specific qualities that are essential for strengthening it.

I have known more broken marriages amongst my friends than I ever expected.  Digging deep into the issues, the root cause is always selfish desires, in one form or another. It’s our own selfish desires that tend to wreck a communion we entered into with vows to care for and love another person.

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? James 4:1 (ESV – emphasis mine)

We can easily become clouded by our own needs, wants, or desires. No one is free of this temptation. We can also dwell on all the things our husband is doing wrong while what we see in ourselves is all the things we’re doing right.

A marriage cannot survive when we think only of ourselves.  We need to recognize that to love someone is a choice, not a feeling. But it’s also a biblical command.

My husband and I have our share of challenges in our marriage, but we don’t allow them to steer our entire relationship. We don’t let our differences define our relationship.

I have a friend who is currently going through a divorce and when asked what top 3 qualities could have saved the marriage, these are the ones I was given.

As a wife, I am addressing just the wives in this post, but I encourage husbands to read this post: The One Thing About Marriage That Should Make Every Husband Tremble

3 Essential Qualities Toward a Successful Marriage

Communication

Maybe you’ve heard this one before? Yet over and over again it seems to be a hot-button issue inside marriages. When spouses don’t communicate, assumptions are often made which escalate into unnecessary conflict.

Communication isn’t just for avoiding conflict. It shows value for your husband when you take the time to purposefully connect with him. Whether something vital needs to be addressed, you need to discuss the bank account, or you’re feeling you need some undivided attention, your husband will not know unless you talk with him.

Making the time to communicate with your husband shows value for him. It shows you care about what he knows and hearing what he has to say.

The best communication is always open. Not only should you make the effort to engage regularly with your husband, but you should make the time to be available when he needs to talk to you.

Respect

Respect is even more important than communication. Really, when you consider how high respect is, it trickles down onto everything else in your marriage.

When you respect your husband, you will want to communicate with him.

The world tells us respect is earned, but the Bible tells us something different.

Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:33 (ESV – emphasis mine)

Marriage is an earthly representation of our spiritual relationship with Christ.

How we honor and respect our husband is a reflection of how we honor and fear the Lord.

Respect is also a choice, but more importantly, it’s a biblical mandate. We are called to respect our husbands, without any conditions listed. {Please note I am not addressing cases of abuse or deeply rooted, destructive sin here}.

Respect for your husband in the everyday mundane is where it all begins.

Even if our husband doesn’t clean the way we would clean, or pick up the “right” items from the grocery store (the one’s we would choose), we are still called to respect him.

Besides, what do proper cleaning and groceries have to a person you vowed to love and honor through everything?

It’s not a sin to clean differently and it’s not a sin to choose different items from the grocery store.

But it is a slippery slope to disrespect and dishonor your husband, especially based on your own annoyance or preferences.

As a wife, we expect our husband to love us despite our flaws, don’t we?

This is how we love our neighbor as ourself. The same courtesy we expect, we should extend. We will be waiting a long time to respect a perfect man. That’s the beauty of love!

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8 (ESV)

What a treasure a man has whose wife honors and respects him!

Passion

A marriage without passion is likely to wither slowly away. Most women are naturally passionate but occasionally some need to work at it.

What does it mean to be passionate or have passion?

Being passionate in your marriage means having a strong desire for it. You care for it and more specifically you strongly care for and desire your husband.

Though not all husbands are great about showing passion, they love when their wife’s passion for them is evident.  They crave it.

What are some practical ways you can show passion in your marriage?

1. Show affection to him consistently. Help him feel desired by going to him and let him know you’ve been thinking about him all day.
2. Take initiative in the bedroom. He may not tell you, but a husband loves when a wife initiates the first move!
3. Show enthusiasm when you’re together. Make it known you enjoy being around him. Even if you’re not doing something you want to do, make it evident that you’re just happy to be with him, as his wife, in that moment.

This list is by no means exhaustive, but these are important qualities to have in a marriage that is going to thrive.

When we intentionally communicate, offer a respectful attitude, and show passion toward our husband, we invest value into our marriage.

For His Glory,

Christin Slade