Why Self-Esteem Isn’t the Answer You’re Looking For

By 

Shallow self-esteem messages fail to satisfy our deepest need. True identity comes through repentance, surrendering to Jesus, and receiving His grace and lasting worth.

We Need Jesus Every Single Day

The problem with many twenty-first-century women is that they don’t see their need for Jesus. Most of us are pumped up daily with messages trying to boost our self-esteem and telling us how awesome we truly are. You are worthy. You have what it takes. You’re the queen. You go, girl! You are amazing. We believe in you. You are perfect. You’re enough!

This shallow messaging is actually keeping us from embracing our truest identity. Instead of filling our minds with shallow self-esteem messages, we need to recognize how lost and broken and empty we actually are. Just like the woman at the well. She came face-to-face with Jesus and chose to find true forgiveness and redemption in Him. She went from being a serial divorcée to a woman filled with faith in Jesus. 

Finding your identity actually starts with honesty. It starts with acknowledging your inability to measure up to any standard of lasting worth. It starts with understanding that you’re not “enough” and realizing that that’s okay. You’re not everything you need to be in this life, and that’s okay . . . because Jesus is. He came to be and do all that you could never be and do for yourself. He has shown Himself to you through His Word and invites you to accept true worth in Him.

When We Come to Jesus

When we come to Jesus with a repentant heart (acknowledging to God our sin and wrongdoing), we’re acknowledging that we don’t have what it takes and we need Him. We’re actually doing the opposite of boosting our self-esteem and are instead coming to Jesus with the real, raw, broken, and dirty parts of our lives. We do this because we know He will offer us a new identity as His child (just like He did for the women in Scripture). Jon Bloom, cofounder of Desiring God and author of multiple books, says,

If we come to Jesus with our sin desiring to repent, he says to us:

• I will not condemn you, for I was condemned for you (John 8:10; 2 Cor. 5:21).

• Come to me, and I will give you rest (Matt. 11:28).

• I will love you forever and unfailingly (Ps. 103:17).

• I will fill you with peace that surpasses understanding (Phil. 4:6–7).

• And I will make you more secure than you have ever dreamed (Ps. 27:5; 40:2).

There is an end to insecurity and all the fleshly striving it produces. It ends in Jesus. Let us bring all our insecurities to him and in exchange take his light burden of grace (Matt.11:29–30).

This is exactly what happened to the woman at the well. She was confronted with Jesus’s love for her and realized that He wasn’t condemning her for her past but offering grace and forgiveness for her to walk in. He was offering her everything that the men in her life could never give her. Love that truly satisfies.

Just as it was for her, repentance is your first step toward receiving your identity in Christ as His daughter.

You might have done this already years ago, but if not, now is the perfect time. If you’ve never taken the time to get on your knees before God and lay your past before Him, do that now. Open your Bible to John 4 and allow Jesus’s interaction with the woman at the well to guide you into your own time of repentance.

Have peace going into this time knowing that Jesus died on the cross while you were a sinner and longs to have a personal relationship with you. He is full of grace and mercy. Titus 2:11 says, “For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people.” He wants you in His family as His daughter. John 1:12 offers us that invitation. It says, “But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.”

Reflection:

  • Have you ever gotten caught up in boosting your self-esteem over turning to God for help?
  • How can you keep Jesus at the center of your thought life and make Him a pivotal part of your self-esteem?

Were you inspired by this post? Check out the book Made to Be She: Reclaiming God’s Plan for Fearless Femininity by Kristen Clark and Bethany Beal. Kristen and Bethany confront the confusion of our culture and the conflicting voices of the feminist movement in order to bring clarity to the biblical womanhood found in God’s Word.

Kristen Clark is married to her best friend, Zack, and is co-founder of Girl Defined Ministries. She is passionate about promoting the message of God-defined womanhood through blogging, speaking, mentoring young women, and hosting Bible studies in her living room. 

Bethany Beal is head-over-heels in love with her best friend and husband, David, and is the super-proud mommy of Davey Jr. She is cofounder of Girl Defined Ministries and is passionate about spreading the truth of biblical womanhood through writing, speaking, and mentoring young women.

Kristen and Bethany are the authors of Girl Defined and Made to Be She.

Similar Posts