So strange.
So strange that it would be one of the first things they told us.
Stranger still, perhaps, that this is what continues to stand out in my mind. Out of all the things that the doctors at the hospital shared with us, that this statement would be the most memorable.
“Most parents who give birth to this kind of child end up in divorce. We just thought we should prepare you for that.”
Yeah, thanks.
It was like hearing two pieces of devastating news.
As if one wasn’t enough.
The first news was that our sweet baby had suffered a massive stroke before she was even born. She would likely never walk, talk, or know us as her parents – if she lived at all.
The second was that our marriage would not likely endure the tragedy of it all.
More news than a couple should have to take in at one time, wouldn’t you say?
Basically, “This is the beginning of the end.”
I glanced over at my husband with desperate grief and fear in my eyes.
But he wasn’t having any of it.
No way, Babe. We’re not going to take the “likely” path, you and me.
We serve the God who continually surprises us with the unlikely. The God of miracles. The Restorer. The Redeemer.
And He is more than able to hold us together.
So how did we get through the years that followed? Those pressure-filled, emotionally, physically, and financially draining years?
The grace of God.
Grace from Him and grace for each other.
And you can cling to that same grace as well—in both the good times and hard times.
Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. ~ Heb. 4:16
The Power of Grace to Hold Your Marriage Together
Grace that offers compassion. When the other person is weak. Sometimes I was too tired to see straight. Or even talk sweet. He overlooked that snap because he knew I wasn’t “myself” from fatigue and worry. And I tried to do the same for him.
Grace that doesn’t keep a grudge. He said things that hurt my feelings or made me feel like he didn’t really understand. He let me down and didn’t always hold up. And it was the same here. But we knew we needed to let it go and not let bitterness settle in.
Grace that goes the extra mile. At times each of us had to give more than we had—and certainly more than “our fair share”. We couldn’t keep records or simply take turns. We had to learn to give . . . and then give some more.
Grace that accepts the gift of others. Grace also comes in the form of support from friends and family. We can’t do this by ourselves, but recognize that we are needy. We are part of the body of Christ for a reason and were never meant to walk alone (More here: On Why It Is So Critical To Connect With Friends).
Grace that doesn’t give up. No matter how dark some days were – and especially the nights – we refused to give up. We believed God had us in His hands, even when the situation seemed impossible. You are in those same loving Hands.
So, yes, our marriage held together. By God’s grace, we will be celebrating twenty-two years this Friday!
And if you’re wondering what happened to that dear little girl of ours?
She is a miracle. While it’s true she never did learn to walk, she can definitely talk…and talk. She calls me mommy and says how much she loves me.
She prays for us and for this blog. Every day.
And so in a very real sense, she prays for you too. All because of unlikely grace. Powerful grace.
The same grace that is available to you too.
But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved us,even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—and raised us up with Him and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages He might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. ~ Eph. 2:4-7
In His grace,
(This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure.)
Lisa
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I just found your post today through pinterest. I can’t tell you how timely this was, and how much it blessed me this morning. I love to read about God’s grace, and how he showers it amongst all of us. Thank you for sharing!
I am so grateful to hear your story!
We had the same conversation with the doctors that were treating our 19 month old daughter’s cancer. As if you didn’t have enough on your mind and your heart but then they hand you that bit of good news… wow. That was 9 years ago and our little girl is thriving and we are so blessed!!! And what of our marriage? Well, we just celebrated 19 years married! We joke and say that no one else would ever want us cause we are too messed up with a bunch of baggage… translated: God made this life we are living just for us and there is nobody that could do the tears, laughter and the hard miles like we can. And that is true for every married couple out there no matter your trials! Your story is unique and God tailored it just for you guys!
this… Grace… this is also what got me through our horrific time about a year ago- my husband was an addict. and i say “was” bc for the first 3 years of our marriage (we have only been married for almost 5 years) he was an active addict- years prior also but he did a good job hiding it. and if I didn’t practice grace, we still wouldn’t be married. actually i would have been gone the first month of marriage! but it wasn’t just my husband that needed grace- it was me also. I am thankful for our trial, it has pointed out the log in my eye also and it is no bigger than my husbands!
I LOVED THIS! thank you for putting my feeling into words- i am printing this and i want to add this to my testimony. I don’t know how couples can “do” marriage without God! Praise God for 1 year and 3 months clean and for unlimited grace!
What a strong testimony, Rebekah! Thank you for sharing and encouraging me and all who read it. Blessings, Lisa
Lisa, thank you so much for sharing and I am ever grateful for Bonny’ s prayers and may I learn to be devoted to prayer too. What a wonderful teacher she is to me.
Thank you for your inspirational story and encouraging words. From South Africa
So glad to hear from you…all the way from South Africa! Blessings, my friend.
This was so encouraging!!! Thank you, Lisa! Happy early anniversary!! !
Thank you so much for your words and the anniversary wishes, Heather!
Thank you so much for the inspirational words. Remembering that He is in control may be difficult but He knows what is best for us even when we don’t or can’t accept it at the time.
http://www.diaryofastayathomewife.blogspot.com
You’re welcome, Krystal, and you’re right – our God is loving and He is sovereign.
Wow, what amazing timing. Just last night I was cleaning some things in our room and came across the little notebook that I kept when my twin boys were born at 29 weeks! I well up with tears even still just saying those words! The notebook was filled with words that reminded me of those days, a blur now of all we endured…SIMPLY through GOD’S grace, His hands carried us through minutes, days, months, and finally 2 years of having Elijah here on earth before he went to heaven. Isaiah is still with us growing strong and SMART, and almost 4 🙂 Our story did not go as planned, we planned on a lifetime here with BOTH our boys…but we certainly know of God’s power and hand through it all…and even today. Even with amazing faith it all is still traumatic to one’s system! But I am thankful for my beautiful husband and darling son…gifts not to be overlooked…blessings, for each minute is in God’s loving hands.
Oh, Lauren, just reading this little bit of your story touches me beyond what I can say. What deep waters you have walked through. May the Lord continue to bless you and your dear family as you heal and grow together – in His grace. <3 Lisa
we too heard, multiple times, that having a child with needs, or traumatic starts, or constant stress, or ultimately death would lead to marriage ending and yes we’ve seen it happen to people…i remember the night we lost Elijah hanging onto Paul breathless from crying so hard that I could not lose him too and we need to continue to stick together…and also continue to give Isaiah to the Lord!
Isaiah will be 4 October 6th and of course that’s Elijah’s birthday too so it can be a mix of emotions leading up to this time of year! Elijah went to heaven November 4th, one month after the boys turned 2. We love ALL our times with Isaiah…but often in that joy of the moment I think that Elijah is still missing!
this message can apply in many things that come up with our children! and in our marriages. God is so good, and faithful, and loving, and comforting, and all-knowing and all-powerful…
By the way it was a PLEASURE to meet you at the OCEAN conference in Portland in June…that too was so timely as we had so much going on in our extended family and you blessed me and me in answering my question! Many blessings to you! You are a good mentor for me in my marriage and parenting 🙂
Thank you, Lauren, and I enjoyed meeting you too! I know you’ve been through so much and yet your faithfulness through it all is a testimony to so many. Blessings, Lisa
Lisa, I am touched incredibly by your words. Grace is soft and gentle when we are hard and nasty. The second mile point especially convicted me. Persistent grace needs to resound to soften the hardness. Most of all, thank your sweet daughter for the prayers.
I passed on your kind words to our daughter, Bonny, and you should have seen her face light up!