Why We Need to Seriously Talk To Our Daughters About Sexuality
Young girls are learning about sexuality from their peers and internet. It’s crucial moms are a bigger part of that conversation than the world is.
At the age of twelve, I discovered a coverless book at a garage sale.
Thinking it was a Nancy Drew or Boxcar Children, I opened it halfway through – but it was an erotic romance novel. I was exposed to sinful sex before I even knew what sex was.
I spent the next eight years burdened by guilt and shame. I struggled with sexual sin and addiction but was terrified to tell my parents. I was the “good girl” – the homeschooled, church-raised, Christian girl. And Christian girls don’t struggle with lust… right?
Every week I receive emails from girls – many raised in the church – who never had a sex talk from their parents. Because they didn’t hear about sexuality from their parents, the world stepped in. In their search to understand sexuality, these young women were exposed to porn, erotica, and experimentation with boyfriends to learn what they should have learned from the people who loved them best.
Talking about sexuality is hard.
We worry about exposing our daughters “too soon”; about bringing something up before they are ready. But the reality of our world makes this conversation a necessity – and sooner rather than later!
Here are three major reasons to talk to our daughters about their sexuality, no matter how uncomfortable the conversation.
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If We Don’t Disciple Them, the World Will
We are all being discipled by something. The things to which we subject our minds disciple our hearts. So who is discipling your daughter’s sexuality – you, or the world?
Every day the television and internet tell your daughter something about her sexuality. Every day she receives a message about what it means to be a woman. Many of those messages contradict the biblical truth about sexuality.
The world makes sex before marriage look irresistible, and sex after marriage look boring. It tells girls that their bodies are the currency of their value. When we don’t teach our young women what true, God-designed sexuality looks like, these messages become the lens through which they view their femininity. If we don’t disciple them, the world will.
Discussing Sexuality Removes Fear and Shame
Many moms fear discussing sex because it introduces the concept too soon. But in today’s culture, children as young as eight are being exposed to pornography. Sixty-two percent of teen girls are exposed to pornography before the age of 18. Only seventeen percent of teen girls say they have not seen any kind of sexual images prior to high school graduation.
These statistics aren’t meant to scare you, but to motivate you! Your daughters are going to be introduced to sexuality, and it’s going to happen early. That conversation should start with you.
When young women (especially Christians) are introduced to sex through friends, porn, and erotica, sex and shame become one and the same. Because sex was introduced under the umbrella of sin, these girls struggle to see their sexuality as the beautiful, good, God-given gift that it is. If these girls do not find healing and freedom from a flawed sexual identity, there is potential for further sexual addiction and even marital issues down the road.
By discussing sexuality with your daughter in light of God’s design – how her body works, why it’s a beautiful thing, how women were designed to enjoy sex as much as men, and why God intends sex for marriage – you remove the shame so often associated with sexuality. You destroy the fear that shrouds the unknown.
You Are the Safe Place for Her Growing Sexuality
Your role as your daughter’s mother cannot be overestimated. You are the safe place for her growing sexuality. You can be her sounding board, the person she goes to with her questions – not the person she fears. This requires building trust, taking time to have this conversation as often as possible.
The sex talk is not a one-time event, but a continual conversation as your daughter grows. Knowing that you are a willing ear, unflustered by her questions and curiosity (at least externally!) will make you her first stopping point in her journey to godly womanhood.
My ministry helps girls find freedom and healing from sexual sin and shame. But I would love for my ministry to be put “out of business” by you – mothers who disciple their daughters both spiritually and sexually!
★★★★★ “A balanced and passionate book on sex” By Lisa Jacobson (Club31Women)
With the church silent on the topic of sex, thousands of Christian young women learn about sex from the pages of Cosmopolitan Magazine: the only place that frankly explains what sex actually is. Unsure what is biblical and what is cultural, these girls come to dating and marriage misunderstanding their own sexuality. No one ever taught them about sex from God’s perspective. Christian Cosmo is the sex talk many girls never get. Rather than learn about sex from the culture, Christian Cosmo answers sexual questions from a Scriptural standpoint. By reframing sex for the single girl, we lay the foundation for God-honoring marriages and end the stigma on female sexuality.
This brand-new release Christian Cosmo is highly recommended and available—>HERE
Phylicia Masonheimer is a blogger, author and speaker. Her mission is to teach women how to preach the gospel with their lives: proclaiming Jesus through their work, relationships, and sexuality. She lives with her husband and children in northern Michigan.
Here at Club31Women, we recognize that not everyone has the same taste or point of view on books, music, or movies, but we offer these short reviews for your consideration. Our hope is that you will find something new and wonderful on this list of recommended resources!
~ Lisa Jacobson, Club31Women
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