So What is the Secret to a Happy, Thriving Marriage?

Everyone knows marriage takes “work.” But what if having a thriving marriage doesn’t have to be all about work?

I’d nearly forgotten that I was a fun person.

Oh, I’m not saying I was ever the “life of the party,” but there was a time when I knew how to laugh, tease, and lighten things up.  My husband once said that it was one of the things that attracted me to him—my ready smile and sense of joy. He found me a pleasant person to be around.

But that side of me seemed to have gotten lost over the years. Well, maybe not lost, but certainly pushed down by the weight of what I perceived as more serious stuff.

You see, I am – by nature and necessity – a very practical person.

A Thriving Marriage

So it quickly became apparent, especially after we started a family, that I had clear and demanding priorities. For me, that looked like managing our home, getting food on the table, and getting my people where they needed to be. Homelife is a big business, and I do my best to be good at it.

It’s part of what makes me feel successful.

And yet, in this business of running my home and caring for our family, I’d inadvertently left off with my playful and romantic personality. Now there were jobs to finish and decisions to be made.

Then, when Matt and I finally got the chance to sit down together, it was rarely to joke around or start kissing. We were far more likely to address The List: Who will pick up the kids from practice? Did you pay the electricity bill? Are we free on Friday night for the Farris family?

Neither of us wanted it to be this way; we wished for a thriving marriage. But there were important tasks to be done, and there were so many of them.

And, instead of feeling satisfied with all we were accomplishing, I felt rather sad. Because what I really desired was for us to be friends and lovers, not merely co-managers or co-parents.

Deep down, I longed to feel like a woman—his woman.

The Flirtation Experiment

So that’s about where The Flirtation Experiment came in—a fun “code name” for bringing more love and laughter into our marriage. Maybe we’d become weighted down in the busyness of life, but could that be reversed with intentional pursuit?

And, in this case, specifically, my intentional pursuit of him.

I decided to test out my theory….

My experiments started out small—a slight but conscious change in how I looked at him or how I touched him.

But when these efforts turned out to be remarkably effective, I began to plan in earnest. Over time I set up several bigger surprises: a mystery date night, an unexpected adventure, and even a romantic second honeymoon. Each special experience had its impact, and each one brought us a bit closer together.

More laughter, sweetness, fun, passion, and – the unexpected part – more depth to our relationship.

Sounds lovely, doesn’t it? It was – and continues to be. And it’s what I’d like to share with you if you’re looking for something to give an extra spark to your everyday marriage.

The Flirtation Experiment is a way to bring back magic, mystery, and excitement into our healthy but sometimes complacent marriages–and a bonus–to make the surprising discovery of a spiritual depth and substance that God intends in married love.

The Power of Pursuing Love

Are you ready for some good news? If you’re interested in setting up your own flirtation experiment, it’s all laid out in our new book, The Flirtation Experiment.

Yes! My co-author, Phylicia (who did something similar for her younger marriage), and I share what we did, how we went about it, the barriers we had to overcome, and how our husbands responded to our flirtation. We also discuss the biblical precedents for each flirtation experiment we chose to carry out.

Our hope is that if you decide to do your own Flirtation Experiment that you’ll find the power of pursuing love—and the fun of flirting with your man—only the beginning of something truly beautiful for you both.

*Who this book is NOT for: The Flirtation Experiment is not intended as a fix for abusive, manipulative, sinful husbands or as a tract of biblical proof texts as to why the Christian wife should persevere in a destructive relationship. We encourage you to seek professional, wise, biblical help and protection if this is your situation.