4 Reasons We Need Friends and How to Find Them
Feeling lonely? Friends bring joy, support, and connection. Discover why friendships matter and how to find meaningful, lasting relationships.
News articles are calling attention to the loneliness epidemic in our country. Counselors are overwhelmed with people suffering from depression. Contributing to this depression is often isolation. Social media provides connection, but it’s superficial at best.
What has gone wrong?
Perhaps one reason we find ourselves in this situation is that we lack real friendships. We long for community, but often we don’t know how to find it.
God did not intend for us to be alone. He created us for community.
Here are four reasons we need friends and several practical ideas on how to find them.
1. Friendship is an important Biblical principle.
We were created for relationships. The Trinity is the ultimate example of relationships: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The scriptures are filled with stories of close friendships. Moses had Aaron and Hur; David had Jonathan; Paul had Silas, Barnabas, and Timothy. Jesus himself had the 12 disciples, and of these, he had 3 “besties,” Peter, James, and John.
I like to imagine The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit having a discussion one day in the sunny garden of Eden and one of them commenting, “This is good, but we need something more. Let’s create people to enjoy forever.”
If they wanted company, how much more do we need it!
2. We need friends at each season of life.
Single folks need friends—friends that are single and married. We stretch each other when our life experiences are different.
Young moms need other moms with toddlers. They get what your life is like! Mothers of teens need encouragement from others who have teenagers.
The “empty nest” can usher in a more challenging season because it often arrives when our friends are not yet there. We are no longer sitting together on the soccer field. Where do we find friends now? Our challenges are different. Barbara Rainey and I found ourselves in this situation several years ago and decided to do research on this season, which led to our writing a book.
Then, we come to the senior years. How do we navigate this season?
John and I knew we would need a core group of folks as we approached retirement. How do we “do retirement?” We invited five other couples to join us so we could figure it out together. We named ourselves the “Oaks Folks” (a play on Isaiah 61:3 and old folks). We’ve studied books together, laughed together, asked hard, honest questions, lost a spouse, and prayed for one another. These friends have been a treasured gift in this new season.
3. Friends provide accountability.
Many of my young friends are getting married. One piece of advice I give them is, “Don’t neglect your girlfriends. Your husband cannot meet all your needs. Girls still need girlfriends, and guys need guys.”
Girlfriends can take the pressure off your marriage. Men and women are so different. We women understand each other in a way our husbands can’t, and it’s unfair to expect them to.
However, be careful to choose friends who will push you towards Christ and your husband if you are married.
If you are single, you need girlfriends to hold you accountable to a pure life. Marriage is not a higher state.
Jesus himself was single. He gets it.
Having an older friend can give us perspective. She’s been “there.” One of my main prayers for my five daughters is that God would give them each an older woman in their town who would be a friend to them and encourage them in the faith.
4. How do I find friends?
- Be willing to take a risk. You may be more reserved by nature, but you still need one or two close friends.
- Pray for a close soul sister.
- Take the initiative and invite a gal for a cup of coffee or a walk, etc. Enjoy the time, and then ask someone else. It may take several “asks” until you feel a connection with someone. Don’t wait for someone to ask you. Keep asking. The first ask is the hardest! Ask her to tell you her faith story. Ask how you can pray for her.
- Invite some gals to your place for a book study or a “get together” to discuss Sunday’s sermon or simply to share each one’s story. Plan to meet three or four times. This feels like less pressure, and you can always extend.
- Keep confidences. Trust is built when we know another person will not share what we have told them in confidence.
- Get involved in a biblically based church. The church is the one place where you will find people of different generations worshipping together. We need peer friendships, but we also need to be exposed to different generations. Currently, in our church, we have four generations of one family sitting together every Sunday. This family is a model to us.
We need close friends for encouragement, accountability, and simply the joy they provide. However, no one person can meet all of our needs. Only the Father and the Son can completely understand you and me. (Psalm 139)
When you feel no one understands, you run to
Psalm 147:5: “Great is our Lord and Mighty in power; his understanding has no limit!”
Recommendation
Here’s an excellent small book that will give you very practical tips to enable good conversations and build friendships. Her ideas will bring depth to conversations with anyone.
Grab Susan’s free ebook, “Camp at Home,” right here. This valuable resource is based on her book Cousin Camp. It includes 100 things for you to do with your kids of different ages including toddlers, the middle years, teens, and specific things for the whole family. In addition, there are ideas for grandparents to use to stay connected with their grandkids.
