When Your Marriage Feels Like a Battle: How to Fight for Each Other

Marriage feels like a battle sometimes, but God’s truth, prayer, and forgiveness can bring healing, unity, and strength to your relationship.

Marriage can be one of the most challenging relationships you ever work at. It can also be one of the most rewarding if you are faithful to seek God in every aspect of it. There are seasons it can feel like a real battle.

It’s easy to focus on what needs aren’t being met for us or jump onto a misunderstanding in defense, creating an unnecessary conflict.

Marriage isn’t centered on just one individual—it’s a sacred union where both husband and wife are equally valued, reflecting God’s design for two to become one flesh in mutual love and purpose.

When we look to God’s Word for how we are to live within a marriage, both spouses are given different responsibilities under God that they need to uphold. Following God’s design for marriage creates a unified and sacred partnership. We aren’t meant to fight against each other but for one another.

1. Recognizing the Battle: Understanding the Source

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. -Ephesians 6:12

We don’t take seriously enough how much the Enemy wants to divide marriages. But we must remember that our battle is not against our spouse but against spiritual forces. He will poke at our weaknesses and prod our offenses in order to spark unhappiness, fulfillment, and plain selfishness. He wants families broken because it opposes God’s design and sows chaos.

Anything that God wants for us, Satan wants to rob from us. He is so cunningly clever that he can twist lies so good they taste sweet upon the first bite. Unfortunately, that sweetness doesn’t last. The bitterness takes hold, and the damage is evident.

God wants trust in marriage; Satan sows a sweet lie like “You deserve better.” It tastes good at first—maybe a flirtation or resentment—but soon bitterness sets in, trust breaks, and the damage is clear. Satan robs what God intends for good.

God wants sacrificial love in marriage; Satan whispers, “Put yourself first—it feels right.” The lie tastes sweet—selfishness indulged—but bitterness grows, love fades, and the damage is done.

Your husband, even with all his flaws and failures, is a treasured soul. He may have some rough edges to deal with, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t worth fighting for.

We often get caught up in the symptoms of something deeper. If your husband has trouble with anger, for example, pray for God to reveal the reason. That’s what needs to be worked through. Using coping strategies for anger management doesn’t heal the culprit; it only masks it for a moment.

2. The Power of Prayer in Marriage

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. -Philippians 4:6

Prayer is an underrated, underutilized, powerful weapon against the Enemy and our own fleshly desires. Satan loves to sow discord so we need to pray for unity over division. Sometimes that means letting go of your own agenda or way of doing something.

Prayer is a way for us to invite God’s strength into our weaknesses. We cannot do any of this on our own. When you feel like it’s just too hard, seek the Lord. He wants to help you—but He wants you to want it and to ask for it. We need to be proactive about fighting for our marriage!

You can ask God for discernment to spot lies and replace them with His truth. Satan will twist truths to breed resesntment. We must arm ourselves so we can spot his lies. Prayer is a powerful weapon in any and every circumstance. Don’t underestimate its power for your marriage.

Pray through your difficulties, disagreements, and discouragement. Don’t let them fester. Be specific with God on what’s bothering you and allow Him to speak back.

Praying Your Way to a Stronger Marriage

3. Fighting for Each Other with Love and Forgiveness

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

Marriage requires selflessness, even when it’s hard. It’s a relationship that we need to be intentional about. Forgiveness is key to fighting for the relationship.

When we consider forgiveness we must think outside ourselves for something bigger: the marriage. Yet there’s a lot more to it than that.

Unchecked unforgiveness festers into resentment, bitterness, and pride. It is poison to our hearts. Furthermore, God forgave us of much, and He asks us to forgive others—or He won’t forgive us. We don’t deserve forgiveness, yet He freely gives it. He expects that because we’ve been forgiven much, we can extend that mercy to others, especially our husbands. That’s what love does.

Forgiveness lifts such a weight off and allows you to walk in freedom and clarity. Living with unforgiveness clouds our judgment, hardens our hearts, and puffs up our pride. Pride is such a sickness you don’t want to allow.

It’s not worth the trade-off, especially when God has given us the power to forgive and the gift of forgiveness. The fight is for your heart and your marriage, not against it.

Experience the Healing Power of Forgiveness to Embrace a Life of Freedom

4. Leaning on God’s Word for Strength

I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
-Philippians 4:13

The Bible offers wisdom, encouragement, and strength for every battle you may face in your marriage. Reading the Bible separately and together can help guide you through tough times and help prevent them.

God’s Word has everything we need to navigate life — including marriage. In fact, it’s a gold mine! Reading the Bible is like digging for treasure. Unfortunately, we often turn to the counsel of the world and trust our own feelings because it suits our flesh. But this is very short-lived and short-sighted.

God wants your marriage to thrive and He’s given you all the tools you need to make that happen—both you and your husband. If your husband is resistant, pray for God to soften his heart while you follow the leading of the Holy Spirit.

One of the greatest tools you can use in your marriage is Proverbs 15:1:

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger

If you are suffering through some hurt, take it to the Lord. He wants to comfort you. When we continue to live in our pain, it starts to become an idol because we coddle it. It needs to be released to the Lord so He can heal your heart.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
-Psalm 34:18

God created marriage, knowing how messy it can get. That’s why He gave us direction and commandments to follow. When we love something more than our husband, such as our pain or our pride, it’s going to destroy our marriage.

It is not God’s desire that any marriage should be broken. That doesn’t mean it won’t happen, but part of having that abundant life includes a healthy marriage. Marriage is a sacred representation of our relationship with God. You don’t need to be legally divorced for your marriage to be broken. And it’s never too late for God to mend it.

Marriage is a spiritual journey. It’s a difficult path to walk at times because it is meant to be a very selfless union. When we view marriage as what we can get out of it rather than what we’re called to pour in, it creates conflict and dissatisfaction.

You both have weaknesses that will inevitably come out. But God’s power is made perfect in your weaknesses, and He’s fighting for your marriage. The caveat is, you also need to fight for it.

In His Grace,
Christin Slade