Overcoming Mom Guilt: How Being ‘Enough’ Can Set You Free

Exhausted, overwhelmed, and doubting if you’re enough? Discover how letting go of mom guilt and embracing your unique strengths can transform your parenting journey.

Momming didn’t come easy for me. No matter how hard I tried, I never felt like I was doing enough. Having a baby was hard. I was exhausted. Having a toddler and then a strong-­willed preschooler was even harder. We were always late to everything, he wouldn’t eat dinner, he had night terrors, and he never slept. So I never slept.

There were so many challenges. As soon as I figured out a solution to one problem, there were three new problems. I couldn’t keep up. I was failing miserably. I was forgetting everything, and the feeling that I wasn’t doing enough consumed my waking thoughts. Have you ever felt this way?

Added Pressure

There is enough stress when raising kids. The added pressure I allowed myself to feel took energy away from actual problems. The actual problems were things like their medical concerns or emotional issues they were struggling with.

Most of the problems that consumed my mind were not real problems; they were problems I allowed to live inside my head. They had no actual impact on how my children were being raised or what kind of adults they would become. My kids felt loved, safe, and fed. The rest didn’t matter.

We put too much pressure on ourselves. According to my grandma, this wasn’t a thing fifty years ago. She raised small children in the 1960s through the 1980s. She says being a mom was much easier back then. There were no mom groups on Facebook telling you you’re doing it wrong. 

Go outside and enrich yourselves. I started using that phrase with my kids, and it really worked. They went outside and found their own enrichment activities. Talking to my grandma about this was eye-opening. I decided to take a page from her parenting book, which made my life so much easier. Most of the pressures that were weighing on me, I had put on myself.

Different Kids Need Different Moms

I quickly learned my kids didn’t care about those “perfect mom” visions I had in my head. They didn’t even know about them. They weren’t worried about whether I was the homeroom mom who planned the party. They didn’t care what food item I brought to the fundraiser. They just wanted me to show up. 

Here’s the thing. That mom you compare yourself to? She has her own kids. Her kids are human beings with their own thoughts, fears, dreams, and personalities. Your kids have those things too. But your kids are different from hers. They are different people. Your parenting style shouldn’t be shaped around what other moms are doing. It should be shaped around your individual children.

Different kids need different moms.

And we all have our own mom thing. We all struggle with some things and are amazing at other things. We aren’t supposed to be the same. I’m not the baking mom, the soccer mom, or the always-knows-where-your-shoes-are kind of mom. I’m the mom who fosters independence, discusses musicals, movies, and literature at length, and annoys my kids with cuddles and repeatedly telling them I love them.

There Is No Right Way to Be a Mom

Are your kids loved, in a safe environment, and fed?

If the answer to those three things is yes, the rest is small potatoes.

And you get to prepare those potatoes however you want. Because you are the mom.

Some think that to be a good mom you must devote 100 percent of your time to your kids. You must be a stay-at-home mom who homeschools them and never lets them eat sugar. When taking other people’s opinions into consideration, the range of what makes a good mom is broad.

So, which mom is the good mom? They are all good moms. But not because of the education they choose for their kids or the activities they sign them up for. If your child is loved, safe, and fed, they have a good mom. We simply need to be the mom our child needs.

Reflection:

What kind of mom are you? Write down what you are good at. What individual characteristics do you have that separate you from the moms you see on Instagram? Different kids need different moms. What makes you different?

Did you enjoy this post? Check out the book The Courage to Be Imperfect by Elisabeth Danks-Robbins. We love how she shows you how to stop fearing the opinions and criticism of others in favor of creating a life you actually enjoy.

Elizabeth Danks Robbins was a high school dropout who had her first child at the age of seventeen. Navigating motherhood with constant judgment and trying to prove her worth, she graduated with a bachelor’s degree in nursing at the age of twenty-one. She has spent the past four years speaking and writing about antiperfectionism for her growing social media following.

Today more than 60,000 people follow along on Instagram, @CreekGrown, where Elizabeth is unafraid to be vulnerable and share the embarrassing stuff that makes life real and relatable.