Defeating the Lie of Comparison (Featuring the Barbie movie!)
The Barbie movie shines a light on the lie of comparison. Learn why real purpose, family, and faith matter more than chasing perfection.
My favorite movie of 2023 was Greta Gerwig’s Barbie. The movie opens with a utopian world called Barbie Land. Every Barbie is happy and content in who she is. Every Barbie has a role and feels deeply satisfied with how she contributes to society.
There are a few digs in these opening scenes that are extremely important: first, Midge. Midge is Barbie’s pregnant friend, and Mirren notes, “Let’s not show Midge, actually. She was discontinued by Mattel because a pregnant doll is just too weird.” All the Barbies in Barbie Land have careers, but none have the role of being a mother. Come to think of it, none are married or have families at all.
Barbie and Comparison
All of this is meant to be satire, but these opening scenes pack so much to think about. First off, there’s this world where Barbies have a role and purpose and feel so wonderful about themselves. There’s also no comparison or gossip. However, there isn’t any death, sadness, or cellulite either. There are also no children or mothers from what we can tell (apologies to Midge, who lives in an eternal state of third-trimester misery). No Barbie has stretch marks or a bad night’s sleep or the struggle between the demands of home life and personal dreams. The worries in her life are as scarce as the wrinkles on her skin.
In Barbie Land, nobody compares because in large part, everyone’s life is actually the same.
Social Media Comparison
Social media can feel a bit like Barbie Land. It allows us to see the fun side of people’s lives while often hiding the harder, Weird Barbie side.
When I first watched that opening scene of Barbie, I wanted it to be true for women everywhere. I wanted to live in Barbie Land! But I quickly realized I could not. I am married, I have a family I love, and I have hopes and dreams outside of Barbie’s parameters.
The things lacking in Barbie’s world are many of the things that give life the most meaning. Barbie Land, while fun, feels a bit like a perpetual vacation. It’s enjoyable, but after a certain amount of time, even the beach becomes lackluster.
What Game Are You Playing?
This feeling reminded me of Warren Buffet’s teaching on the inner versus the outer scorecard.
“The big question about how people behave is whether they’ve got an Inner Scorecard or an Outer Scorecard. It helps if you can be satisfied with an Inner Scorecard.”
Your inner scorecard is how you personally define success, and no one can really answer if you have been successful but you; no one can define success for you but you.
I struggle so much with wanting to live by an outer scorecard. What do people think of me? Do I appear successful? Do I dress in a way that says I have my life together but also not like I am trying too hard? When I do this, I am not playing by the rules of my game but rather by the rules of someone else’s. An inner scorecard takes into account what I actually think is important. It’s a scorecard specific to my game. It measures what a successful life would mean to me.
When Barbie visits the real world, her scorecard changes. The absence of flat feet and cellulite no longer defines a happy life for her. Barbie—who from all we can see has the perfect body, the perfect career, the perfect life (the perfect outer scorecard)—wants to become human. Ruth Handler (the creator of Barbie) warns her that being a human isn’t all it’s cracked up to be:
“You understand that humans only have one ending… Being a human can be pretty uncomfortable… And then you die.”
But Barbie wants it, because she wants a whole life. The aging and the cellulite and pain are part of what make for a real, beautiful life. She will die. But she will die having lived a real, true life. She will die, but she will have won the game that really mattered to her.
Reflection:
Take some time to sit down and really ask what game you’re playing. What truly matters to you? What would a win look like? What things are on your inner scorecard?
If you liked this post, check out the book I Just Wish I Had a Bigger Kitchenby Kate Strickler. Setting out to fight the lie that what she had wasn’t enough, Kate discovered simple perspective shifts that ultimately helped her fall in love with the life she already had. Here she shares the small changes you can make that add up to a whole new outlook on life.
Kate Strickler is the creator behind the extremely popular blog and Instagram account Naptime Kitchen. Known for her down-to-earth practicality and helpful household hacks, she’s been featured on Good Morning America, Southern Living, The Lazy Genius Podcast, and more. When she isn’t wrangling the kids or working, you can find her in her happy place: experimenting in the kitchen. Kate lives in Charleston, South Carolina, with her husband and their four children. Learn more at NaptimeKitchen.com.
