Grieving with God After a Miscarriage
Grieving is a painful experience, and sometimes, our brains want us to avoid feeling the pain in an effort to protect us. However, to heal, we actually need to confront our grief by walking directly through the fire with Jesus. Without Him, the flames will inevitably scathe us.
Our culture lacks sensitivity and holds unspoken expectations for the grieving, such as Move on! Be strong. Get over it! Don’t talk about it. These subliminal messages make us push our feelings down and pretend we are okay.
Allow Yourself Time to Grieve
We need to allow ourselves time and space to grieve even when others have moved on and have stopped checking in on us. Even if it feels like no one else cares anymore, it’s important to carve out dedicated grieving time in your schedule. Although you may feel left behind and lonely, your private season of grieving is vital to your healing. It’s true what they say, “You have to feel to heal.” It is worth spending time grieving rather than rushing back into the demands of your regular routine.
I can still remember the sound of the wind chimes on our back deck as I sat in the stillness of our living room. A friend gave us the chimes right after Bridget went to Heaven. They were tuned to my favorite hymn, “Amazing Grace,” and I found great comfort in hearing them during my leave from work.
My employer graciously granted me eight weeks off after Bridget’s birth, allowing me time to grieve. During those two months, I cried, prayed, and journaled every single day in the solitude of our home after my husband went to work for the day. The Lord was with me in my loneliness. I’m grateful I spent that sacred season grieving with Him before returning to work and my daily routine.
But not everyone is generously granted time off after they lose a baby.
Maybe your employer expects you to be back at work sooner than you’re ready to be, or perhaps you have living children you still need to take care of. What do you do when people expect you to return to normal, but you’re just trying to survive?
Survival Mode
For starters, it is imperative that you take care of yourself—as best you can, given the circumstances—and allow others to care for you too. It might seem overly simplistic to offer you this advice, but in the days of fresh grief, it’s important to focus on two basic life functions: eating and sleeping (both of which are hard to do).
Your appetite is low, and your mind won’t stop racing at night. It’s hard to fall asleep, stay asleep, or both. You wake up early in the morning only to remember that your baby is still gone, and you must face another day without them. It is an awful feeling. When Elijah was suffering in the wilderness in 1 Kings 19, he sat under a tree and prayed that he would die. “I have had enough, Lord. Take my life,” he cried out in agony (1 Kings 19:4). Elijah slept, and God sent an angel to minister to him by offering him food and drink. Why? Because he needed strength for the journey ahead.
The same is true for you, my sister. I won’t sugarcoat the fact that your healing journey is going to be long and hard. You were forced to say goodbye to your baby before you even got to say hello. Losing your precious baby in such a sudden, unexpected way is worthy of the level of grief you are feeling.
Reflection
Sister, how can you care for your body this week? Caring for your body supports your mind in soul in the moments when it’s hard to carry on. Make space for sleep this week and eat your favorite meal. How else can you care for yourself?
If you enjoyed this post, check out the book Cradled in Hope by Ashley Opliger. We love how Ashley embraces readers with gentle comfort and real hope after their loss and points them back to Scripture and the Lord’s unfailing love.
Ashley Opliger is the founder and executive director of Bridget’s Cradles, a national nonprofit that provides hope and healing to over 30,000 bereaved families each year. Host of the award-winning podcast Cradled in Hope, she’s been a media guest and contributor to many outlets. Ashley is also the leader of Hope Gatherings and Wave of Life, an annual event held on Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. She is a sought-after speaker and podcaster. She lives in Wichita, Kansas with her husband and two sons. Learn more at BridgetsCradles.com.
