She wasn’t a likely candidate for friendship.
More like a cousin. And a cousin by marriage at that.
You know, the kind of relative that you normally only see at weddings, funerals, and the occasional family reunion.
But she turned out to be much more.
A cousin. A friend, And a gift.
I can’t say exactly how it began but this spark – likely at the summer family reunion at Aunt Nancy’s farm – started us talking about how overwhelmed we were both feeling with several young children apiece. How the babies kept us up at night and how hard it was to get anything done. And how we couldn’t help wishing we could get some help.
Not sure who had the idea first, but I can remember how our eyes lit up at the thought.
We decided we would have our own kid-swap.
Once a week, one of us would take ALL the kids for a big chunk of the day. We dropped them off mid-morning, and the other mom served them lunch and even put them down for naps.
The other lucky mom got to enjoy five amazing hours all to herself. On some days, she went home and simply slept. Other days, she would “get things done.” Or maybe run errands ALONE – without little people in tow.
And she didn’t have to feel “guilty” because she knew her children were having a blast with their “auntie” and sweet cousins.
A real life-saver.
But there was another unexpected blessing. Even though it was a bit nutsy to care for so many tiny people for the day, the thought of a dear friend enjoying a much-needed break filled her heart with joy. And vice versa.
In addition to this beautiful break, we always sat down and visited together before returning home. Talked about the kids, the messes, the books we were reading, and shared plans and dreams.
It was our way of walking through life together.
This was friendship at its finest.
Creative Ways to Find New Friendships
So maybe you don’t have any wonderful cousins to call upon. Maybe you don’t have family or friends nearby. Maybe you don’t really know many people at all. If this is where you’re at, here are some creative ideas to find and make new friends. I’ve tried most, if not all, of these….
Start A Moms’ Group
Once I went to our new church and asked if I could start a small moms’ group. They not only said “okay,” they were thrilled with the idea! We had 8 to 10 mommies in that original group and became fast friends. In fact, even though our kids are all grown now, we still have the fondest memories of those early years gathered around that little table.
Seek Out An Older Mom
Another year we moved to a brand new city and state where I didn’t know anyone. But I met the wife of one my husband’s colleagues, and she LOVED holding my babies. She was a bit past that season herself but was so glad for the chance to snuggle and play with my little ones.
Put Together A Tea Party
One more new location and another start-over for me. So I sent out an invitation for “tea” to see if anyone might come. Not only was I surprised how many came, but I was astonished how long they all stayed. They were as starving as I was for friendship. So often we think we’re the only ones.
Launch A Book Club
Even if it meets only once-a-month. Reading a fun or interesting book is a good excuse to get together and share. This can be another great way to get to know new (or old) friends. All you need is a time, place, and a book title. Easy-peasy! (This is a nice option for work-outside-of-the-home-moms too)
Plan A Park Date
Let people know that you’ll be at the park from 11 am to 1 pm and everyone can bring their own sack lunch. The kids can play, and the moms can talk. Doesn’t get much easier than this! And make it a “standing date” so that every Friday (or whatever day makes sense) they know where they can find you.
As an already over-busy mom, maybe this sounds like too much work to you. And it’s true – it does require both time and energy to get something going. It also means you might have to step out of your comfort zone and take a risk.
But, believe me, it’s worth it all.
Friendships are essential – no matter what stage of life you’re in – but possibly even more so when you’re pouring into small children all day long.
We need these kinds of friends for support, for perspective, and for encouragement.
To pray for one another and to understand when we’re having one of those days.
Friends walking through life together.
In His grace,
*This is Part 3 of the series, “How to Have a Happy Home With Small Children in the House.” You can read Part 1 HERE, and Part 2 HERE.
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Lisa
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Lisa, I have such a hard time with mommy groups right now. We all have little kids (So many kids under the age of 5), that out feels like you can’t even complete a thought without someone crying or interrupting or pitching a fit or whatever! We’re trying to come up with ideas, like after bedtime (but this gets in the way of sleep) and baby sitters (but expensive and a lot for one or two people to handle)… other ideas????
Could I get the link to download the free books again. I guess I deleted that email when I subscribed? I love your site.
Sure thing! I’m going to email them to you in a minute!
I tried to email, but that didn’t seem to work. Let me try copying it here for you instead?
As a small gift, I’d like to offer you a free eBook on marriage. You can find out more and download by clicking this link: The 7 Habits of a Highly-Fulfilling Marriage.
Also, you’re welcome to download this parenting eBook by clicking this link: Raising Heavenly-Minded, Down-to-Earth Kids: Bringing Up Children With Heart Set on Heaven and Feet Planted on Solid Ground.
Blessings!
Lisa Jacobson
Club31Women
I’m not a mom yet but I’ve been married for a couple of months. My friends are far away or very busy. I also happen to have a job that keeps me really busy. I’m beginning to miss myself, having those good friendship chats. Pls any tips?
I’d say the same principle applies: coming up with creative ways to meet and get together with people. Invite potential friends over for a special dessert evening, start a book club, or over for a movie night. Even a Saturday morning meet-up at a local cafe can be a fun way to meet new friends. Hope this helps?
Lovely post. I miss those times. Thanks for sharing this and your tips.
You’re welcome! And thank you for the encouraging comment!
What do you do at a mom’s group? I know a couple moms of young kids but they are very busy (I don’t know any who stay home like I do) and they usually turn down invitations simply because they have other things going on…so if the meeting had a purpose it might he more tempting for them to come.
Sometimes they’re organized by a project or craft – for instance, if you taught an art class or cooking course. But another idea (and this is the one I did) was to go through a book or study together. For example, going through one of Gloria Furman’s books like Glimpses of Grace http://amzn.to/2atQ66t Even if it only starts with a 3 or 4 week commitment, it might (hopefully) grow into more after that. Hope that helps!