You wouldn’t have to know me long.
Before you concluded I could use a break now and then.
You’d soon be saying, I bet that lady needs a tall latte.
Maybe even a dark chocolate truffle.
I wouldn’t need to explain all this.
You would just know.
As a woman, it would be obvious to you.
You’d take one look at my full-to-overflowing days . . . and you’d understand exactly what was needed.
A small retreat.
Yes. I’m thinking a 16-ounce latte and a quiet, uninterrupted conversation with a tall grown-up.
Preferably him – the one who thinks so clearly and has such broad, caring shoulders.
Oh, yeah, definitely him.
Now isn’t that readily apparent to you?
But for some reason it was NOT apparent to my husband and I had a hard time believing he couldn’t see it.
An Eye-Opening Conversation
So one day we had a conversation about this need of mine.
It began by my asking, “Can I tell you a little bit about me?”
“Well, I love being your wife.
And I love being a mother.
And I could keep going on like this for the rest of my life.”
Small pause, so he’d see I was sincere.
“But you know something else about me? I do sooo much better when I get to step away from here occasionally.”
“Not only get away, but go out and have time together with you. It would do me a world of good.”
I drew breath and then finished with, “So do you think we could pull that off? You know . . . arrange for that on a regular basis?”
He started to laugh (though I didn’t really see the humor).
His response? “Strange. I never looked at it that way.”
My turn. “Ummm….So how do you look at it, Dear?”
“Well, I guess that since I’m away from the house all day, my favorite thing is to come home to my family. I love it when we’re sitting around together and don’t feel a particular need to go back out again. And I thought you felt the same way.”
So as it turned out, he really was unaware.
I had to explain what I was hoping for and even what that looked like to me. I wasn’t asking for a Mediterranean Cruise or an expensive dinner out – just a latte, please (though chocolate wouldn’t hurt).
Mostly I wanted time with him.
But in his mind, our evenings together at home counted as “time.”
It didn’t count so much with me.
He didn’t know what I needed. That was something he had to hear from me.
How to Let Your Man Know What You Truly Need from Him
Bring it before The Lord first. Ask Him to help you say what you want to say in a loving manner. Also, ask Him to prepare your husband’s heart to hear you.
Let go of any bitterness or resentment that might have built up before this. Come with a fresh spirit.
Let him know you’ve got something on your mind and you’re looking forward to sharing it with him.
Gently. With words seasoned with grace. Not accusing or demanding, simply laying down your needs before him.
Don’t be discouraged if it takes a while to sink in. Or if you have to repeat your request periodically and in different ways. Patiently and lovingly remind him of your needs.
If he tries at all, then express gratitude for his efforts. Don’t only say it in words, but also in your attitude. Make sure he sees what a difference it makes in your life.
Be willing to leave it there.
This might be the hardest one. Some needs can go for a long time before they’re met. Others never will be met. At least by him. Because God is the only One who promises to supply all you need (Phil. 4:19).
So go ahead and let him know what you need. Whatever it might be.
And, of course, what I need these days is a tall latte.
Above all, some time away with my Man.
But you already knew that…. 😉
In His grace,
Lisa is the happily-ever-after wife of Matt Jacobson and together they enjoy raising and home-educating their 8 children in the beautiful Pacific Northwest. She encourages women to embrace the rich life of loving relationships and the high calling of being a wife and mother. Lisa is the author of 100 Ways to Love Your Husband and her husband is the author of 100 Ways to Love Your Wife. Matt and Lisa are also the co-hosts of the FAITHFUL LIFE podcast where they talk about what it means to be a biblical Christian in marriage, parenting, church, and culture.