This Crazy, Little Thing Called “Respect” in Your Marriage

It’s crazy how a little respect can go a long way! Not always easy but does wonders in a marriage.

Let the wife see that she respects her husband. (Eph.5:33)

This post may contain affiliate links through which Club31Women might get a small compensation – with no additional cost to you.  See my disclosure policy here.

Oh, okay, got it. Seems fairly straightforward.


Except that this respect-thing strikes me as rather vague. Undefined. I’m not trying to be difficult either, it’s just not as clear as I’d like it to be.

Not like love.

I know what it looks like to love.

That’s an easy one. Love is when you spend time with me. Listen to me. Care about me. Look after me. Take a keen interest in my thoughts and ideas. (Chocolate can help too.)

No, love is an easy one to figure out.

But respect? That’s an entirely different matter.

Apparently, it’s an important matter though. So important that you’ll find respect toward the top of his list. Yes, respect is highly-rated among the men.

I’ve even heard it said that they would rather be unloved than disrespected-–is that wild, or what?


The Language of Respect

Now the fact is that I do respect my husband. I really do. I guess it’s the showing of it that gets to be something of a challenge.

Because you’ve heard how we each have our own unique “love language”?

Well, I suspect that there must be some kind of a “respect language” too.  You know, “what says respect to him” or something along those lines.

So one day I just up and asked him. Straight out. “What makes you feel respected? By me?” And I waited for his answer.

And waited.

After a while, he mentioned a thing or two. Things like how I’ll talk positively about him in public. Or how I’ll ask him, rather than tell him what needs to be done around the house. Then added how I’ll stop what I’m doing to greet him when he comes in the door.

These were meaningful things to him.

But for the most part? I was on my own.

I made it a point to study what made him smile, as well as what made him flinch.

It was up to me to figure out what made him feel respected.

(And if you wondering how to respect a husband who hasn’t earned it? Read HERE)

4 Ways to Respect Him

Trust him.  Somehow a man instinctively knows if you believe in him–or not. For instance, how you respond to his decision-making speaks powerfully to him. Is your first response to question him? Challenge him? Or do you save that “coupon” carefully? He needs you to trust him and his final decisions.

Admire him. He’d like to know that you are his biggest fan – hands down! No one should admire him more than you do. My personal goal? I never want anyone who works with my man to think more highly of him than I do. I want him both to see it in my eyes and to hear it from my mouth.

Be loyal to him. Fiercely loyal. You’ve got his back and he knows it. Your children should know it too. In fact, there should be no doubt in anyone’s mind where your loyalty lies. No one would dare say anything disparaging about your man in front of you because that is simply not done.

Honor him. Both in private and in public. So that he doesn’t have to concerned about what you might say to him or how you’ll represent him in front of others.  You never want to demean him or bring him down a notch. Quite the opposite. He can even be confident that you’ll respect his wishes when he’s not around—your regard for him goes that deep.

So why not ask your own husband what makes him feel respected? (Just don’t be too surprised if you have to wait a while for him to answer.)

Take to heart whatever he shares with you and then add to that list from what you’re able to learn by watching him.

Pray about it and ask God to show you the ways you can lovingly respect your husband.

You might be surprised to see what a difference it makes in your marriage.

Does the Bible Require a Man to Respect His Wife?

You wouldn’t think this would even be a question, but surprisingly enough Matt and I get asked this all the time. Does the Bible have anything to say about men respecting their wives? Is respect a one-way requirement for wive—or does it go both ways?

The Bible says a lot of hard things, but what does it say about respect in how a man treats and talks to his wife?

I think you’ll be encouraged by this recent conversation between Matt and me on the FAITHFUL LIFE podcast. You can listen by pressing “play” below OR listen on your favorite podcast app!

In His grace,

Lisa Jacobson


Matt and Lisa Jacobson, authors of 100 Ways to Love Your Husband and 100 Ways to Love Your Wife, are the hosts of a weekly podcast to talk about what it means to be a biblical Christian in marriage, parenting, church, and culture. Matt and Lisa offer deep encouragement, along with practical steps and true-life stories, as we grow in walking the faithful life together.

Subscribe to the FAITHFUL LIFE Podcast

Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes, Google Play, Google Podcasts, Spotify, iHeartRadio, Stitcher, Castbox, or (my personal favorite) Pocket Casts. Get notified each week when a new episode is available! New to podcasts...but don't know where to start? It's quite simple. Click here to learn more!

*If you are living in a situation in which you are experiencing abuse (whether physical, sexual, verbal, or psychological), we urge you to seek out help from trusted authorities, trusted church leaders, family members or close friends. If you feel that your life or that of your children is in danger, please seek out refuge somewhere safe. You can find more information and support here: Making a Safety Plan.

A 52-Week Devotional for the Deeper, Richer Marriage You Desire

An intimate, loving marriage is so much closer than you think

Imagine if, at the end of the year, despite your busy schedules and all the demands on your time and attention, you and your husband were more in sync, more connected, and more in love than ever before. Sounds amazing, right?

That kind of marriage is what is waiting for you as you read through the fifty-two weekly devotions in Loving Your Husband Well. Each entry includes a specific theme, related Scripture, a powerful devotion, thoughts for further reflection, practical ideas, and a prayer, all designed to help you love, cherish, and serve the man who shares life’s journey with you.

Similar Posts