Why Having a Poor Attitude of Your Husband Actually Matters

Having a poor attitude toward your husband actually matters in your marriage. It can be harmful to him and your relationship.

At the end of September, my husband ran an ultra-marathon. An ultra-marathon is any distance over a marathon (26.2 miles). The particular distance he signed up to run was 50 miles. Straight through. One simple reason: he wanted to see if he could do it.

Although the training sometimes took him away from the family, I saw it as a noble goal even though I didn’t fully understand it. I do understand the need for a man to compete and be challenged by something big and crazy. I know not every man has that desire, but most do and it just looks different for different personalities.

Some compete in the business world, some in sports, some against themselves. It may not always be about competition but about conquering something greater than themselves. In this case, my husband wanted to push himself beyond his limits; physically and mentally. And my attitude toward him and his goal mattered.

Your Attitude for Your Husband Matters

As a wife, the one woman your husband chose to be by his side the rest of his life, your view of him is influential. If you see him as dumb, incapable, or less than, he will likely not rise to be any better than he is. He will live up to (or down to) your poor view of him. It’s not because he needs his ego stoked, it’s because he needs the support and high regard of his wife.

Can I just slide next to you, slip my arm around your shoulder, and lovingly encourage you?

It’s true, maybe your husband will do things you may not fully understand or agree with. But you don’t need to fully understand in order to show your husband an attitude that is caring and supportive simply because you love him. This may be a bit blunt, but you don’t always need to understand. It’s important just to care enough to be supportive of him. He needs it probably more than you realize.

Making snide or cutting remarks directly to him or under your breath reveals an attitude in you that is telling of your own heart. You are better than that because you are created in the image of God.

You Possess an Immense Power and with it a Responsibility

I think wives can fall into one of two categories when it comes to the influence their attitude has on their husbands:

  • They either don’t know or understand how much an impact their view of their husband has on him.
  • Or they know all too well and use it as a weapon against him.

You hold a power that can build up or tear down the man your husband is.

Have you ever seen Rocky? You don’t have to like boxing to enjoy this series. Any time Rocky’s wife, Adrian, wasn’t on board with his fighting, he trained half-heartedly. She was worried he would go blind or didn’t understand what he had to prove. It wasn’t until she came in with her support that Rocky’s training became powerful. Because the support of his wife had that much power–it mattered that much.

This example can easily be carried over into everyday life. Maybe your husband has a different way of approaching something than you do. You have two choices: you can be condescending about his approach or you can appreciate the different manner in which he does it.

There is power in the loving attitude of a wife for her husband.

This isn’t just about your differences or not fully understanding your husband. Every couple has this challenge. But it’s the attitude you may have against your husband that breaks his spirit. If your attitude is consistently negative, condescending, rude, or belittling it will eventually break him down and demoralize him. He will not want to try. When someone is beaten down enough by the words of someone they care deeply about, what’s the point of trying?

But a wife whose attitude is uplifting, considerate, empathetic, and just plain kind will build her husband up and empower him to be a better man. A wife has great influence on her husband and it’s her responsibility to use that power wisely.

Also, be careful of your own pride and arrogance. Don’t make the mistake of believing that your ways or thoughts or ideas are the only right way to do or think about something. These attitudes have no place in a marriage.

That’s not to say there aren’t some things that are absolute but even still, you can have an attitude that draws out repentance rather than justifies sin.

Be a wife who is for her husband and wants good things for him. 



A 52-Week Devotional for the Deeper, Richer Marriage You Desire

An intimate, loving marriage is so much closer than you think

Imagine if, at the end of the year, despite your busy schedules and all the demands on your time and attention, you and your husband were more in sync, more connected, and more in love than ever before. Sounds amazing, right?

That kind of marriage is what is waiting for you as you read through the fifty-two weekly devotions in Loving Your Husband Well. Each entry includes a specific theme, related Scripture, a powerful devotion, thoughts for further reflection, practical ideas, and a prayer, all designed to help you love, cherish, and serve the man who shares life’s journey with you.

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