Are you super relational? Okay, this blog post isn’t for you. I mean, you can read it if you want, but today I’m writing for all of the type A’s like me out there–the doers–who just want to get stuff done. This is for the list makers and the stompers.
You know, the people like my dad and I, who stomped through the house on a mission to go somewhere and do something important. One time I was walking through JoAnn’s Fabrics, heading to the back of the store for some felt I needed for a project. As I came around the corner, a man was turned and looking at me with wide eyes.
A Woman on a Mission
“You are a woman on a mission,” he said. Apparently, he had been listening to me stomp through the store, with the sound of my get-outta-my-way-I’ve-got-stuff-to-do heels clicking loud on the tile floor. My husband always says he can tell I’m coming through the church office just by the way I walk.
Let me ask you, how in the world is a woman like me supposed to slow down for a minute and love her husband?
When I first got my teaching job, years ago, Matt and I had already made plans for a week-long trip to Canada. I taught for my first two weeks and then left for one week of vacation. I was overwhelmed with my new job, so I brought a massive stack of Spanish supplies with me, to work on lesson plans and try to get my act together.
One day, Matt was watching sports on TV, and I had piles of Spanish everywhere, flitting from task to task like I’m prone to do. I turned to him and said, “I’m sorry I’m neglecting you. I’m just so stressed.”
“It’s okay,” he said. “I’m used to your workstations. Just make me one of them and I’ll be happy.”
Putting Your Husband on Your To-Do List
What? Make him one of my stations?
This permission to make Matt part of my work has changed everything for me, because prior to that I always felt like I had to put down my work and neglect my to-do list in order to be a good wife. Instead, I now see Matt’s name on my list.
It sounds cold, the idea of making one’s husband a “workstation” or something on a “to-do” list, but not for a doer! A doer looks at the new day and asks herself, “What can I accomplish today that really matters? What can I get done that I’ll feel good about when I put my head on my pillow?”
Let me ask: what could possibly matter more than loving one’s husband? What could feel better, at the end of a long day, then knowing your man has been one of the most important work stations, where you’ve stopped to put your best and most joyful energies?
You might be choking on this concept, but I remind you that it was my husband’s idea! He recognized that God has made me to work, work, work, work–always working on something. He invited me to stay who I am (glory!) but be able to care about him in a meaningful way.
Make Your Husband a Grand Part of Your Life
Do I actually write Matt’s name on my to-do list for the day? No. Because that would be weird. “Fold underwear. Clean the dishwasher drain. Run to the bank. Sit with Matt on the couch and enjoy a show.” Wouldn’t that be weird? But mentally I add him in and feel the accomplishment of giving my best attention to the man I love. He’s not an intrusion into the things I want to get done; he’s a grand part of the best work of my life.
Lisa and Phy have this amazing book coming out, The Flirtation Experiment, and I’m throwing in my two cents on the subject. Do you want to flirt with your husband and pursue him, type-A girl? Put him on your to-do list. See if it doesn’t feel right and have great effects on your relationship.
With love from Montana,
A 52-Week Devotional for the Deeper, Richer Marriage You Desire
An intimate, loving marriage is so much closer than you think
Imagine if, at the end of the year, despite your busy schedules and all the demands on your time and attention, you and your husband were more in sync, more connected, and more in love than ever before. Sounds amazing, right?
That kind of marriage is what is waiting for you as you read through the fifty-two weekly devotions in Loving Your Husband Well. Each entry includes a specific theme, related Scripture, a powerful devotion, thoughts for further reflection, practical ideas, and a prayer, all designed to help you love, cherish, and serve the man who shares life’s journey with you.