I have a hard time asking for help and admitting my weaknesses. It wasn’t something I realized I had a problem with until I had my first child.
You see, I grew up watching my parents do everything themselves. They are very capable people. I would brag that my dad was one of those people that could walk into a forest with a toothpick and hammer and build a whole shopping mall, while my mom was the perfect homemaker, always making sure everyone’s needs were met. I grew up watching my dad build and fix everything and my mom never needing to ask for help when it came to the job of taking care of her family.
While all of that is very admirable, it can also be unhealthy.
I came to realize that as soon as I had my first beautiful child, Grace. At 20 years old, I didn’t know the first thing about babies. I was the one my family laughed about ever having children because “I was too selfish,” which was true to a degree, but nothing can make you selfless faster than having a baby!
Everything about parenthood was magical – for about 48 hours, until I came home from the hospital and didn’t have nurses flocking around me to take the baby if I needed to nap. That was the first dose of reality. Then my milk came in – and I tell you, nothing prepares you for that! Then, I couldn’t nurse my daughter properly, Josh had to go back to work after a week, I lived in a noisy apartment, and to top it all off, Grace had colic for three months straight.
I felt alone, trapped, and unprepared for this season of my life.
Whenever I would reach out for some encouragement, I remember being told by people I knew, “You wanted this responsibility. Now you have it.” Or, “How do you think I feel? I did this completely alone without any help, or even a church family to bring me a meal. At least you have that!”
I felt that if I lowered myself by asking for help, I was shaming myself and completely unworthy, and just as irresponsible as everyone said I would be.
I’ve carried this thought process through 11 years of marriage and it still haunts me to this day. When I’m planning on hosting a gathering in my home and someone asks me what they can bring, my first impulse is still to say don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it.
But, what I’ve been discovering, is people actually do like to help. I always thought that I was putting out others. Inconveniencing them. But people like to be included.
Open Hearts and Caring Arms
There’s a world of wisdom, open hearts, caring arms, and gentle smiles just waiting for an opportunity to give in some way. (Matthew 5:16)
How I wish I could have realized this truth sooner. How many tears I could have saved and how much stress I could have relieved myself from! I believe Satan wants us to believe the lie that no matter what our “need” is, we are a bother to someone or an inconvenience. He wants us to be so wrapped up in ourselves that we couldn’t possibly think about lifting our hand to help someone else.
Whenever you hear that lie being whispered in your head, I challenge you to fire back with the names of the people you know who would drop anything and come running to help you out or encourage you in some way if it were physically impossible to get to you.
Your need is important and I think that’s the beauty of Christ’s love for us.
We’re all falling short and sometimes it is not easy to admit that we need help. That we need someone to pull us out of a deep abyss. That’s what Christ did for us on the cross. He helped us, before we could even ask (or existed!). Once we asked Him…has there ever been a greater blessing to admitting one’s need? If we can reach out and ask Him to forgive us of the sins of our past and the sins of our present and future, then surely we can ask for a little help (…and as the body of Christ our collective response should be, “Yes, what can I do?”).
If you are one in need, ask for help, trust me – someone is just waiting to be asked.
Or maybe you can fill the need by simply observing and asking if there is anything you can do.
I think one of the nicest, simplest things anyone can do is to provide a meal, like this simple Irish Stew! Do you know of someone who just had a baby? Offer to whip this savory stew in their crockpot and cuddle the baby while mom takes a nap. Or maybe you know of someone who just got laid off. What about someone who is sick? I have a friend who keeps extra bottles of Ginger Ale and 7UP lying around with saltine crackers in case she hears about someone being sick. You could always make this stew for the family (I’m sure they will be hungry if mom or dad has been in bed all day) and bring some saltines and 7up to your ill friend.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help…and be prepared to offer help. We all need a little help now and then and it doesn’t make us weak. In fact, sometimes the greatest show of strength is knowing when you need help. (II Corinthians 12:9)
” For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though He was rich, yet for your sake He became poor, so that you by His poverty would become rich.” 2 Corinthians 8:9
Slow-Cooker Irish Stew
Ingredients
- 1 lb stewing beef
- 1 Tbsp vegetable oil
- 2 1/2 cups peeled turnips , diced into 1/2 inch pieces (about 2 medium)
- 1 1/2 cups carrots , cut into 1/2 inch pieces (about 3 medium carrots)
- 1 1/2 cups peeled potatoes , cut into 1/2 inch pieces (about 2 medium)
- 1 whole onion , cut into wedges
- 1/4 cup quick-cooking tapioca
- 3 cups beef broth
- 1/2 tsp salt
- 1/4 tsp black pepper
- 1/4 tsp dried thyme , crushed
Instructions
- In a large skillet of hot oil, brown stewing beef in half batches. Drain off the fat. Set aside.
- In the bottom of your slow cooker, place cut turnips, carrots, potatoes, onion, tapioca and seasonings and stir together. Add in the browned beef and broth, stirring to combine.
- Cover and cook on low for 10-12 hours or on high for 5-6 hours. Serve with drop biscuits or Irish soda bread.
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Melissa Van Kooten says
March 13, 2015 at 12:06 pmI love this!! And it makes me want to be a better cook 🙂 I am often known as the Papa Murphy’s Take & Bake Pizza girl at our church. If you need a meal – absolutley! Count me in! But be okay with Pizza 🙂 I never grew up loving to cook, and I am shamefully not confident in my skills. I love crock-pots, and this stew looks simply amazing!
I have found that once I went out of my way to bring over food (even carry-out pizza), the Mommas were just happy to have someone love on them a bit! I couldn’t bring pizza enough! It gets in your blood – reaching out and serving others. How beautiful is the Hands and Feet of Him when you bring good news and food!!
Bless you, Chelsia, for sharing this; and bless you, Lisa, for sharing her with us! Both of you are so beautifully transparent and YOU encourage other women daily! God smiles on you!! 🙂
Chelsia Rief says
March 14, 2015 at 10:28 amOh my gosh! I love Papa Murphy’s, so I know I would be thrilled. It’s our dinner every Friday night!, lol! The gift of giving isn’t about the final product, but the act of giving one’s time selflessly to another and whatever you are able to do is a blessing to someone else. I remember, one of the first meals brought to Josh and I after we had just had my daughter Grace was Quiznos sandwiches. One of the men in our church worked in the area of where we lived and so he wasn’t able to bring a home cooked meal but brought Quiznos-which I loved. I was just so touched that he offered to feed us and that being almost 11 years ago-I’ve never forgotten how much those sandwiches meant to me and our family. God bless you, for providing a meal to all those people. I’m sure when they see you there at there front door, you’re looking like a super hero saving the day for them! 🙂
Hope Wissel says
March 13, 2015 at 7:37 amThank you for sharing Chelsia. I have to admit that I am still suffer from this mindset which makes my hubby of 3 years CRAZY! Have ThirtyOne-derful day!
Chelsia Rief says
March 14, 2015 at 10:29 amA work in progess right? As long as we recognize the unhealthiness of that mindset, the easier it does become to start changing and inviting people into help and offering to help others. 🙂
Kara Chupp says
March 13, 2015 at 7:33 amI appreciate this nudge to let the family of God work the way He designed it to– we rejoice with, weep with, learn from Him and learn from each other along the way…and others looking in will know we are His followers by that willing-to-help-one-another-love. Great post and saving the Irish Stew Recipe 😉 thanks!
Chelsia Rief says
March 14, 2015 at 10:30 amThanks, Kara! Love our neighbors as we love ourselves. The Irish stew is really good, I hope you enjoy it. 🙂
Diana Sangale says
March 13, 2015 at 5:58 amWe are all there at one time or the other. I also grew up in a home where i was encouraged to stand on my own and be independent. I totally agree with you. At least I know i don’t have a problem
Chelsia Rief says
March 14, 2015 at 10:32 amThat’s wonderful that you had that experience growing up. I’m sure so many are blessed by you and you get to experience others blessing you in return. 🙂
Lorelie Y says
March 13, 2015 at 5:51 amGreat post! I never want to put my Mom out, so I hire a sitter. She actually seems quite hurt when I do this, instead of asking her! Who knew??!! And when she does come over on ‘date night’, she insists on us leaving the kid’s laundry out because she loves folding. It’s hard to accept because if we come home and she’s dozed off, I feel awful. But I have to get over it, because as she says, she WANTS to help us out! 🙂
Chelsia Rief says
March 14, 2015 at 10:35 amOh, the laundry. That’s a big one for me, as I don’t let anyone touch my laundry. Except my daughter, because she is old enough to learn and help out with it. It is just one of those things for me that I really enjoy doing, lol! Which is funny because laundry is one of those chores most people don’t like to do. But yes, the next time your mom offers, take her up on it. It will be such a blessing for your children to be able to spend time with her and form memories and for her that she can be a part of their lives. I used to always pick up a thank you treat for my mom when she would baby-sit. A piece of chocolate or a small bouquet of flowers to say thank you for taking time out and watching the kiddos. 🙂
Becky says
March 13, 2015 at 5:41 amWhile I appreciate the basic message of this post, I can’t get my mind off what you said about when you would at first reach out for help, you were rebuffed by people telling you that you’d gotten what you’d asked for, or that those you reached out to had had it worse than you so you should just be thankful. Those words sure do sting, don’t they? Why do women have to beat on each other so much??
I have been reading through the book of Job, and as always when I read it, I wonder what to take from it – since there’s so much stuff in so many chapters that was said by Job and his friends that God spent several more chapters rebuking! This – and various seasons of unsolicited advice I have received from other women – has caused me to ponder a lot lately the concept that when the Bible says to “weep with them that weep, and rejoice with them that rejoice”, it doesn’t say anywhere, “and tell them what they should do and how they should feel”!
I appreciate your message of how to have practical encouragement ready for those who may need it, and I suspect that since so many of us women feel so inadequate (as you were made to feel), that perhaps the reason we’re so quick to turn on each other is because finding the faults in other women help us to feel like maybe we, personally, are not quite the failures we all too frequently feel like we are!
When we can get it into our heads that we’re all bumbling sinners, just trying to do the best we can, perhaps we can better reach out in love to each other – as well as actually accept help and love toward ourselves when it’s offered, rather than seeing it as an indictment of our own seemingly-obvious failings!
Chelsia Rief says
March 14, 2015 at 10:23 amOh, boy did it ever sting, especially coming from that particular person. But over the years, I’ve had to learn to stay silent and not confide to much or I would guarantee a speech like that again. I don’t know why women, mom’s especially put each other down so much. Aren’t we all doing the best we can in serving our family the best way we know how? To extend some grace to each other, would go a long way and be a blessing to other women.
Lisa Jacobson says
March 12, 2015 at 9:30 pmI so appreciated this challenge and encouragement, Chelsia! Especially in my younger parenting years, I resisted the idea of others helping me and tried to do “everything” myself. But over time – and a few tears – I realized that I DID need a hand and it turned out to not only be helpful, but also deepened friendships.
I had this one older lady in the church who used to insist on coming over and folding my laundry and I was rather embarrassed by it, but what a gift she turned out to be! She modeled a godly, older woman to me and I think it was a real blessing for her too, to be around young children as her own grandchildren lived far away. Anyway, I always said that I wanted to “grow up and be like her” someday! 🙂
And I’m looking forward to trying this stew!
Chelsia Rief says
March 14, 2015 at 10:19 amWhat a blessing to have that help and for her to become a Titus 2 woman for you. I’m sure you’re right and that it was a blessing for her too. Who couldn’t be blessed by hanging out with your family. 😉
The stew is yummy! I’m throwing it in my slow-cooker today!