Dear Mrs. Jacobson,
I follow your blog because I “share a passion for husband, home, and family”. With only one challenge – I don’t have a husband or a family (at least not yet?).
I’m 28, single and, in all honesty, get pretty discouraged at times. I’d really like to be married, but haven’t met the right guy. Sometimes I wonder if I ever will. What should I do while I’m waiting? Is there anyone out there for me? What do I do with my hopes and dreams?
From a Single, Young Sister
My dear sister,
So you are single. And no longer a girl, but a woman who has hopes and dreams of your own. You long to marry and have a family. But for now, that doesn’t seem to be what God has for you. Perhaps you’re 20 or 25, or maybe in your 30’s.
And you find yourself waiting…and wondering.
Where is that man of yours? (Does he even exist?)
What’s a woman supposed to do? Pine away? Pretend like you don’t care? Is there really any point in hoping?
I was 26 – and a dreamer – when I met my husband. He was 31. We decided we wanted to get married three days after meeting (I’m going to tell that entire story sometime!) and our wedding took place a few months later.
But where had he been hiding all those years before? Where was he when I was crying alone in my room – desperately missing someone I’d never even met?
His answer: “You wouldn’t have liked me back then. I had a lot of growing to do.” (Hmm…Maybe I did too, come to think of it).
And that’s my basic story. I don’t know what yours will hold.
But here are a few thoughts….
It’s not wrong to want to be married. I sense this growing trend that today’s young woman should not admit she longs to be a wife and mother – that this is somehow less godly? Yes, we need to be content with whatever God has for us, but there’s nothing against wanting something very good and natural. How is it considered more “spiritual” to suppress those feelings? Rather than deny them, you can trust Him with your heart and lay it all at His feet.
God does not guarantee that you’ll get married. Yet, at the same time, we need to be careful we don’t “demand” marriage from God – just because we want it so very badly. Although I sincerely desired (and prayed for) healthy children, He allowed our fifth child to be born with life-threatening health issues. While it was not a situation I’d hoped for or anticipated, God gave what I needed to walk through that time and she’s a sweet blessing. You can be confident He’ll give the grace necessary for what He has in store for you as well.
You only have to be single today. If your heart’s desire is to be married, then the thought of being single “for the rest of my life” can be very discouraging. But as far as I can tell, God’s only asking you to be single on this day. You don’t know what tomorrow holds. So simply rest in what He has for you right now.
Try to be open-minded. I wouldn’t get too specific on what this guy will be like and how you’re going to meet him. Remember, God has far greater resources and abilities to bring about what He has for you. So let Him do the planning and keep your palms open and outstretched for whatever that might be.
Confession: I’d briefly met my husband eight months earlier, but announced to my friends, “If he was the last man on earth, I wouldn’t go out with him.” I was later convicted by my declaration….gave him a chance…and you know how that ended up.
Pray and let others pray for you. Personally, I’m extremely grateful for the mutual friends who prayed us together. I’m thankful for their determination to bring the matter before the Lord, as well as to introduce us. Why not let the people who know and love you join you in praying about this thing that is close to your heart?
Live your life fully each day. Make the most of the time you have. Seek to grow in godliness, in serving others, in knowledge and in skills. After I became a wife and mother, I could appreciate how the various ministries, experiences, and jobs I’d held previously had equipped me for what lay ahead. I could even see how “practicing contentment” helped me after our marriage – when I had small children, my husband traveled, or we were in a tough season. Far more was happening in my “single days” than I ever realized.
Well, I think I’ve touched on all of your questions, except one. Is there anyone out there for you?
Of course, I can’t say. Only God knows the plan He has for you. But I’m sure it’s a good and perfect plan.
And I know that He cares deeply about your hopes and dreams.
That He cares deeply about you.
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