It was one of those gray rainy days preceded by another sleepless night with kids that were up –again.
I curled up on my couch with my early morning cup of tea while I read my Bible, prayed, and tried to get myself in a good mood before the household exploded with ten little feet.
As my brain cells began to stir I started to think about my misery and my husband. In my exhausted, early morning mental fog these thoughts tumbled out-
I wonder if he ever thinks about how I feel- how hard life is for me with all these kids.
And that thing I asked him to fix last week, it’s still broken.
And just once, I wish he’d offer to do the bedtime and homework routine without my asking.
And that suggestion I gave him about something that might help him at the office-he didn’t think it was very good.
I wonder if he appreciates my carpooling the kids all over every day and feeling like I’ve accomplished nothing…and, and…
As I sat in my pity-party, a question entered my mind. “Susan, what if he had said:
“Honey you work so hard; I appreciate how difficult it must be especially because it feels so mundane to you.
What if he had fixed that broken thing right away.
What if he had come home one night and said,” I’m taking over dinner and homework; you take a break.”
What if he had said, “By the way that suggestion you gave me for work; I took your advice and it was good.”
What I quickly realized was that I would have simply thought of something else that did not please me.
I had fallen into a “picky trap.” Pick, pick, and pick at the things my husband does or doesn’t do. Rehearse them in my mind. Add to the list.
I also realized that I had become an “encore wife,” a person for whom nothing is ever enough.
No matter what he did I would think of something else I wanted. There was no way he could satisfy me.
Picky wives who also want an encore are not very much fun to live with.
And I wanted to be fun.
Impact Your Marriage with This Daily Marriage Habit
“Please Lord, change my heart. Make me grateful instead of critical. Remind me of things to appreciate in my husband.”
I began to say out loud the things I was grateful for in my man. He gets up early to pray for the kids and me. He is a man of integrity. He is even-tempered. He is reliable. He has self- discipline; doing things he doesn’t necessarily like to do.
That morning I discovered what I call the “marriage vitamin.“
Every day I try to thank God for one specific thing I appreciate about my husband. Occasionally, I even tell him.
No, he’s not perfect, but neither is his wife.
And yes we still let each other down, ask forgiveness, and start over again.
The thing about marriage is it’s a lifetime of growing together, of iron sharpening iron.
We never will get it just right this side of heaven. Our God is more concerned about what we learn in the process than He is about us getting it all figured out.
Even with 50 years of marriage, I still get lazy and fall into the picky trap. I still need that daily habit to impact my marriage.
Today I find myself praying more and more that I’d lighten up and not make a big deal out of something small. And I continue to pray that we’d laugh more together at the dumb things we do.
Today, after all these years we appreciate more and more that we simply have each other. God is good and He is using us to sharpen one another. (Proverbs 27:17)
Bring Life & Love to Your Spouse & Kids with Powerful, Positive Words of Affirmation
Are you using the power of positive affirmation in the life of your spouse & kids? We sometimes forget that we are establishing the culture in our home by how we speak to each other . . . Don’t you want a positive, loving, life-filled marriage and family? This episode will challenge you and teach you how!
On the FAITHFUL LIFE podcast today, Matt and I are talking all about how to build up your home and impact your marriage with your words.
You can listen HERE or press “play” below!
Matt and Lisa Jacobson, authors of 100 Ways to Love Your Husband and 100 Ways to Love Your Wife, are the hosts of a weekly podcast to talk about what it means to be a biblical Christian in marriage, parenting, church, and culture. Matt and Lisa offer deep encouragement, along with practical steps and true-life stories, as we grow in walking the faithful life together.
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by Matt and Lisa Jacobson
Every one of us has tremendous power to either build others up or tear them down through the words we speak every day, and nowhere is this more evident than in our marriages.
Are you being purposeful in how you use the power of your words to speak encouragement, strength, and love–breathing life into the heart of your spouse? Or are careless words having a negative impact on your marriage and on the heart of the one you love most?
Matt and Lisa Jacobson want you and your spouse to discover the powerful ways you can build one another up in love with the words that you choose to say every day–words that every husband and wife need to hear. These marriage books offer you 100 Things to say to your husband or wife that deeply encourage, affirm, and inspire.
Start speaking these words into each other’s lives and watch your spouse–and your relationship–transform before your eyes.
Susan Alexander Yates is a mom to five children (including a set of twins) and grandmother to 21 (including a set of quadruplets!). Susan and her husband John have been married 51 years. Susan has written 16 books and speaks on the subjects of marriage, parenting, faith, and women’s issues. Susan’s favorite time of the year is June when all her kids and grandkids are together for a week of “cousins and family camp” in the foothills of the Shenandoah Mountains of Virginia.