Why Is Parenting Today So Hard?

Parenting today feels so hard but why? What burdens are we laying on ourselves as parents that we don’t need to?

Recently, I ran a very short and informal poll on X/Twitter, asking moms to respond to the question, “What one word would describe your parenting experience?”  The overwhelming majority responded in an eye-opening yet not surprising way.

To my question: How would you describe your parenting experience?  14% said there was nothing better. Lovely. However, 86% described it as exhausting, overwhelming, or confusing. Some even wondered about their choice to have children. Of course, my followers on X may not be representative of all moms, and indeed, I hope that isn’t the case. But still. 86%?

Why do so many Christian moms feel so weary? Why is parenting in our time so hard? They wonder, Is it me? Is it them?

Parenting Is Not Easy

Here, in the 21st century, it’s easy for us to think that parenting is somehow different from what raising kids in the time of the early church was like. We think it was simpler, less polluted, sort of like Little House on the Prairie (in Corinth). But parenting in the first century wasn’t easy at all.

In fact, the secular pressures placed on parents to conform to Rome’s demands or Israel’s religious laws were overwhelming for parents then, too. And if you failed to raise your son or daughter to be a responsible citizen, there were no safety nets or excuses. The law demanded compliance, and if your child failed to respect societal norms, their life would be forfeit. Talk about parenting pressures! 

Then, the story of Jesus began to infiltrate the empire. Dads and moms were coming to faith and wondering, “How does this good news change the way that I’m parenting my children?” The Apostle Paul answered them,

“Don’t provoke your children to anger, but raise them with discipline and instruction about the Lord,” (Ephesians 6:4 CEB) and, “Parents, don’t provoke your children in a way that ends up discouraging them” (Colossians 3:21 CEB).

And…that’s it. Wait! What? 

Why wouldn’t Paul tell these parents who loved their children deeply and longed for their salvation something more than…Don’t aggravate them by demanding what they can’t give you and Tell them about Jesus? That’s it. Just two things. Does that surprise you?  

No wonder Christian parents feel so overwhelmed today. All the “do better,” and “try harder,” rules about how to raise your children are soul-crushing for both kids and their parents. When Paul considered the needs of parents who were trying to help their children come to faith, he just said this: “Don’t frustrate and weigh them down with rules and rules about how to be good Christian kids. Instead, tell them what Jesus has done for them.” Period.

Tell Them What Jesus Has Done for Them

And while we’re at it, the brevity of his advice means something joyous for you, too. All the rules about how to do better and try harder as a parent are crushing you, too. And when your children struggle or fail, or when you get discouraged and can’t see that you’re making any progress at all, just remember what Jesus has already done for you: He didn’t choose you to be his because he knew you’d be such a great parent. He chose you and made you his own because he loves you. And he loves your children, too. He loves them far more than you ever will. 

Why is it important to go back and remind yourself about the gospel? Because it will produce freedom and joy, not only in your children but in you, too. It means grace for you as a parent and grace for your children. It means recognizing your shared weaknesses and need for a Savior. It means leaning on Jesus, the only one who can make our parenting effective and transform our children’s hearts. And it means looking to him. He’s the only one who can save your children because “salvation belongs to the Lord” (Jonah 2:9). 

So right now, just take a breath in, and then breathe out a prayer that says, “My parenting is in your hands. My kids are in your hands. I am yours.”

Reflection: 

1. Have you ever considered that the New Testament has almost nothing to say about parenting? Why might that be important? What is the one thing it does say? 
2. There are 4.5 million blogs about how to parent. Obviously, no one reads even a fraction of them. Do you have any thoughts about why so many people are offering advice or why so many people feel like they need it? Are there any negative effects to listening to so many voices? 

Our purpose in parenting is not merely to raise responsible adults who will be kind people, loving friends, and good citizens. While these are honorable goals, when we focus entirely on fixing our kids’ behavior, we can miss the most important role a parent has: to show them the love and grace of Christ.

Our fully revised edition of Give Them Grace includes two new chapters and gives you the gospel foundation to parent from a place of joy, freedom, and peace. This isn’t a “how-to” manual; it’s a call to remember, speak, and rest in the gospel as you model Jesus to your children.

Jessica Thompson holds an MA in biblical studies. She has three adult children and is on staff at Risen Church in San Diego, California. She has written several books about the love of Christ. You will find her living in the joy and freedom of the gospel while frequenting Padres games and Disneyland. 

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Elyse Fitzpatrick holds an MA in biblical counseling, is a frequent conference speaker, and is the author of over two dozen books. She’s been married for over fifty years and has three children and six grandchildren who live near her in Southern California.