The Best Advice from 60 Years of Marriage

She was only seventeen.

Young. Strong. Determined.

And he was not much older at nineteen.

But he was convinced that she was the woman for him.

All he was waiting for was a soft moonlight night and the chance to ask her to be his wife.

The one hitch in his plans?

That particular night turned out to be cloudy and dark. So with a romantic gesture, Dad tied a flashlight to the fence post to shine down on them as he parked his car underneath the beam of light.

Then his proposal of, “Will you be mine?” was answered with a simple, yes.

That was 60 years ago.

Sixty! It’s kind of hard to imagine. It would be like us….times three.

And here they are still loving each other after all these years.

Don and Pat

Except Mom doesn’t always recognize Dad as her husband anymore.

Alzheimer’s has brought confusion to her mind. She gets mixed-up and wanders. Sometimes she knows him, and sometimes she doesn’t.

I asked Dad if it ever bothers him that she forgets him. Calls him, “That Man”.

He just smiled, “No, because I will always remember her.”

He takes care of her full-time now. Helps her dress, cooks and cleans, and tucks her in at night. Still loving her, still holding hands, and still committed.

Dad and Mom Jacobson

So What Marriage Advice Would You Give After 60 Years Together?

That’s the question I recently asked him. And here’s Dad’s marriage advice in his own words…..

I doubt very much that we would be married today if God had not introduced us to His Son and we became Christians. No, we would not have made 15 years, let alone 60 years on our own.

1)  Follow Life’s Manual.

We were saved a few years after we were married and then we had Life’s Manual, the Bible. We knew that we were to love one another as God loves us.

2)  Become a Great Forgiver.

My wife is a great forgiver. Many times over the 60 years of marriage, the words would come from the heart, “Would you forgive me one more time” and she would give me grace and forgive.

3)  Don’t Keep Score.

We both didn’t keep score of wrongs committed; taking care of the problems and then letting the past be the past. We did not dig them up again, we left them buried.

4)  Keep Conflict to Yourselves.

We were on the same page about most things. We would never fight or argue in front of the children. If we had company, they would never know that we were having a conflict. We could both hide it well and work it out later.

5)  Cultivate Togetherness.

We were best friends. We teased, joked, played, loved, and helped each other. Vacationed together, hunted, camped, and fished.

6)  Stay by His Side.

We dreamed together, planned together. My wife would always yield if I wanted to move North, become a missionary, a pastor, home builder. She was always with me by my side in everything we did – encouraging me to go for it.

Did we have some rocky times? You bet we did, but always we came back to Life’s Manual, the Bible — the ultimate source for the best marriage advice — where we would read, Love one another as Christ loved you. Forgive as Christ forgave you. Keep looking forward and let the past be the past. Pray for one another and be kind.

Yes, it was God who kept this marriage together. We give Him the glory.

And the two shall become one flesh, so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. (Mark 10:8-9)

 

*Matt’s parents came to live with us over 20 years ago. Their lives and love for each other have been a testimony and a blessing to our entire family. They have been a godly example and inspiration to us all. Since writing this, Mom has gone home to be with her Savior. We all miss her so very much!  ~ With much love, Lisa

More Marriage Advice: How Transparent Should You Be With Your Spouse?

How transparent are you with your husband? Should you tell him everything – even past sins? What impact does being fully known have on your life, marriage, and the ministry God has prepared for you to do?

Fierce Marriage podcast hosts, Ryan and Selena Fredrick answer Matt’s questions honestly and deeply about their ministry, marriage advice, and why every Christian couple should strive to have a “See-Through Marriage.” Join the conversation by listening HERE or pressing “play” below!

FAITHFUL LIFE podcast

Matt and Lisa Jacobson, authors of 100 Ways to Love Your Husband and 100 Ways to Love Your Wife, are the hosts of a weekly podcast to talk about what it means to be a biblical Christian in marriage, parenting, church, and culture. Matt and Lisa offer deep encouragement, along with practical steps and true-life stories, as we grow in walking the faithful life together.

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See-Through Marriage: Experiencing the Freedom and Joy of Being Fully Known and Fully Loved

Marriage is all about sharing: sharing space, sharing joys and sorrows, sharing hopes and dreams. Yet we often hold back a part of ourselves because we fear that being wholly transparent–about our past, our desires, our failures, our faults–will bring judgment, rejection, or even just unwanted friction to our relationship.

We are afraid to be fully known. As a result, we never experience being fully loved.

Fierce Marriage authors Ryan and Selena Frederick think your marriage deserves better. In this new, paradigm-shifting book, they show you how to develop a see-through marriage, one that is marked by full transparency and confident vulnerability. Through personal stories, testimonies from other couples, and biblical truth, they make the case that living authentically in front of each other is the only way to experience love the way we were designed to.

If you desire an honest, no-holding-back marriage where you are fully known, fully accepted, and fully loved, you need this book.

The Flirtation Experiment

The Flirtation Experiment

So what is the secret to a happy, thriving, loving marriage, where the fire of romance and close friendship do not fade?

From popular Christian voices Lisa Jacobson and Phylicia Masonheimer, The Flirtation Experiment inspires you to strengthen your marriage with a fun, unexpected approach that leads to the depth, richness, and closeness you desire. 

Ready to make a significant impact on your marriage . . . one small flirtatious experiment at a time?

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